shannon Posted February 26, 2006 Report Share Posted February 26, 2006 I've had a really crappy weekend because of POTS. I keep trying to think of people to call and talk to about it, but there's nobody. My mom is who I talk to about this, and she is out of town. So I'm just going to let some things out on here. Lately, when the weekend comes all I want to do is rest. I am just physically exhausted, and I look forward to the weekend so that I can let my body take a break. I know that I don't sound like the typical 20 year old, but that's probably because I'm not. I've learned that I shouldn't have to pretend that I'm healthy. But just when I try to validate myself, some friend comes along saying, "ohhh, you're FINE!!" They just don't get it. And it's like they don't even want to get it. On Friday night I stayed home. On Saturday, some friends wanted me to go this all day concert. I honestly didn't feel well, but I went anyways. This part of me felt like they would think I was a wimp if I didn't go. Sometimes I feel like they think I just stay home for sympathy or something. So I went, and I felt like crap. I hate going out when I don't feel well, because I know I'm not much fun. It makes me lightheaded to laugh. I can't concentrate that well on conversation. I just can't have fun, and there is all this pressure around me to be happy and fun. Then I wonder what they think about me, because I know that I don't "look" sick, so they don't really know why I'm not acting like my usual self. I hate it. I threw up after supper and really felt horrible, so I asked a friend to take me home.I don't want to feel sorry for myself. And most days I don't. I know that I've learned a lot and grown as a person through having this illness. But some days, it is really hard to think that way. Really hard. And today is one of those days. I just want to fit in with my friends. I know that sounds superficial. But I think it's natural. There are so many little things that make me different from them. And it feels like those little things pile up and pile up. I want my friends to believe that I am sick.Ahhhhh, sorry for writing so much. I think I just needed to get that out. Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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