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Just A Matter Of Time.. But It Happened.. Lost My Job Today


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I KNEW it was coming. I have not worked since September. Have used up all my leave and have extended personal leave even beyond what is usually allowed. I am receiving Long Term Disability, have applied for SSDI and I know that it will be at least months, a year or more, or who knows when I can return to work. I am still bedridden at this point. My employer has been patient and very compassionate.

Yet, when I got the call today- I was expecting it. I had a conference call with HR last week and we discussed it. I was honest with them about the time frame and I also know my dept. can't replace my position until I am no longer working there. Not fair to my co-workers. Still, I got the phone call and just started crying. I have no idea why. I wasn't even planning on going back to work in that dept. when I DO (if I do) go back to work. I am more than halfway done with my Masters and plan on a completely different area in the hospital when I return. Still, could not stop crying. First, I am 38 years old and I have never been "terminated" from a job before. Even more, I think all of a sudden it just hit me- I am "disabled"- not only disabled but pretty debilitated. This isn't news to me. I deal with it every day. But there was something about today that just made it even more "REAL."

So, now I am officially unemployed. I have not been "unemployed" since I was 14 years old, except for twice when I took 6 months off with two of my babies. I have been unemployed since September really.. because I have not been working- but now its official. Sometimes there are days that I really get frustrated with this illness.

Jen

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I'm so sorry, Jenn. Having a chronic illness is so trying because it seems like I suffer loss after loss sometimes. I guess what helped me to get through it was the support of others who understand those feelings of losing their job because of illness, and telling myself that it's okay to grieve. You've been through so much lately. You said that you were expecting this, but I understand how when it happens it just really hits home.

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It is hard when that cold water gets splashed in your face and your not prepared for it. Big Hug! While your not mourning a death of a loved one, it still is like a death of you and your dreams of what you thought your life was going to be. We do go through all the same stages of accepting loss of what should have been. It is normal that you feel this way. I some point you will have accept it and you will have a new normal. Try not to let depression seep in to much and know that your new normal will bring blessings you never expected. I've found that if we look there will always be a silver lining and new purpose. Illness dosen't change who we are or who we were born to be. We are not our illness, even though it changes how we function.

You are fortunate that you have LTD. Your job loss will only make a stronger case for your ssdi claim. I made the mistake of not filing, because I kept thinking I would get better once we figured out what was wrong.

So please note to any of you out there that are considering filing for SSDI make sure you do so sooner rather then later. There is a stale date for filing. I would have to go back and earn 40 credit hours in order to qualify again, and if I was able to work enough to earn them back I probably wouldn't qualify because I was able to work. I'm already 54 and would be retiring by then anyway. I was recently informed by some one that there a possibilty that I would qualify for early retirement due to disability. I would need to contact a lawyer though to find out if that is true. I'm in az if anyone knows any good disability lawyers.

Jenn I will continue to keep you in my prayers! I'm am so hopeful that figure out how to get you on your feet again.

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(((((((((JEN))))))))) So, sorry! It is so hard when the reality of our lives - at the present - confront us. We all try to retain the hope that sooner rather than later our lives are going to be the way we dream for them to be. I'm so sorry that you are so sick and have to be faced with this. You are a STRONG person and this is just another little rock to climb over. I know you will grieve about more than just your job - it makes us grieve about what we want out of life - when things like this happen. So sorry, for the pain that you feel in your heart. Wish I could take it away from you - but, since I can't at least know you're being thought of and have friends that understand your pain.

Issie

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Thank each of you for taking the time to comfort me- and you did. I'm okay, I will be okay, and I'm not even sure I reacted as I did! I KNEW it was happening eventually- I guess reality just slapped my face. One door closes to another opening, right?

You have NO idea what a lifeline you all are to me!!!! God Bless each of you and big (((((((((( HUGS))))))))))) right back!

Jen

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Jen,

I'm sorry that you are going through all of this right now. I gather, from your other posts, that you are indeed an over-achiever and it is definitely tough to let go.(I can relate) Your health is the most important thing right now and jobs will come and go - especially since you already have other aspirations. I know exactly what you mean about the 'reality' just hitting you all of a sudden. I had the same feeling when I had to hand over all of my cases at work to someone else - I knew it had to happen, but as soon as the phone call ended, the tears started flowing.

I've been off work since the first of November and my employer, like yours, has been really supportive and compassionate. He checks in with me every once in awhile to see how I'm doing, but my 'final' phone call will be coming in two weeks. I'm dreading it...and the uncertain future... I don't even really talk much with people from work anymore because they all just want me to get better and I have nothing to tell them.

((Take care))

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Jen,

So sorry you're going through this! It's tough to deal with even when it's expected. I don't like to admit that I can't do something, and it's so frustrating to realize how limiting this illness can be. It sounds like you've been going through an especially horrible patch...I hope things look up for you soon. Sending positive vibes your way!!

Heather

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It's one thing to think about your job ending, but another when it becomes a reality. I think there is also a difference between quitting a job because YOU want to and having that decision made for you by someone or something else..in this case your illness. It's a lot harder to accept in the latter situation.

Hang in there. It's really tough and you've been down an incredibly rough road. Sending you lots of hugs!!

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Jen,

I am so sorry you are going through this. My position was filled nearly two years ago and my employment status terminated a year ago. I cried, too, even I know it was coming. I then mourned the loss of my career identity. But once I got passed that, I could face my "disability".

((HUGS))

Lyn

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So sorry to hear about your problems Jen.

I guess no matter how prepared we are for certain things, there is something about the moment they happen that changes us. We can pretend to be tough, but still it hurts deep inside, and that's a sign that we are alive, that we care.

Ever since I found this forum I think I find it easier to cope with certain things, because I have this great group of people willing to listen to me and to offer help rather than judge or jump to conclusions. I hope you feel the same. I know you've tried to comfort many on this forum when they needed it, so maybe now that you need it we can "return the favor".

Hang in there, as tough as it may seem. My grandma used to tell me that when one door closes another one opens for you, and I believe this to be true.

Blessings and hugs.

Alex

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:( Very sorry to hear this. It is definitely a loss that I am sure you will mourn. I throught I lost my job several times during this orderal, and each time was devastating. I am glad that you have disability insurance!
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Jen, Hang in there girl. I just took a leave of absence as of this week from my job to try and rehab from the OH / med nightmare I am going through. For us Type As, something like this is extremely hard...the loss of our "identity" as our working selves. It's one of the hardest things I've had to deal with through all of this. If you need some support in the coming weeks and months, just send me a message.

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