Worried About Job

[hholmes13]

So I've posted recently about how things have been going downhill lately in terms of symptoms for me. I've been working full time since I went off STD last summer. Even though I had improved I was definitely not functioning at 100%. Luckily my job hasn't been too intense so I was able to take it easier and take my time getting things done. On the bad days I would scale back or head out early. On really bad days I would stay home since I know pushing too much makes me pay for it for days. Fast forward to the past few months...funding in our lab is in rough shape. We're doing more work with less personnel and I've been struggling to keep up.

Well my boss called me into his office yesterday and had a talk with me about how things are going and how he can tell I'm not functioning at a normal level. He told me others have mentioned they can tell I'm not the same. He also said things have been "slipping through the cracks". He's now checking in with me each day and expecting all these things to get done. He knows I'm trying to get my doc to respond to me and maybe give me an appointment. He also knows I'm feeling awful. He was nice about the whole thing but it still made me feel horrible. I've been so frustrated lately I ended up crying while we were talking. Basically he was like you need to get this addressed by a doctor but now I'm expected to keep up with all this extra stuff.

I pushed through everything today and am paying for it already. I fell asleep as soon as I got home. My nausea has been so bad that I've hardly eaten in the last 4 days. I let our employee health services know what's going on but they just said to tell them if I need to reduce my FTE. Well I definitely can't do my job right but we really can't afford to have me cut back. (Hubby already cut back because he's in school full time.) Even if I could it would really mess up things in my lab. It's not an option now. I've been trying to get a hold of my doctor for almost a week now and keep getting blown off. I'm just scared as to what to do next. I don't really have a choice but to suck it up at work and push through but I'm afraid of what kind of crash I'm in for if this keeps up too long. I'm also worried if I can't find some relief for this stuff or if it gets worse...I don't know what we'd do.

Sorry this was so long. It's just been a rough few days. Thanks for listening if you made it this far.

Heather

[ramakentesh]

that is tough. Work has been hard at times for me as well. When im functioning pretty well I do more than everyone else so when im down they arent too bad with me and ive worked there for ten years (8 1/2 years with POTS) so they are somewhat reasonable.

At the end of the day just try and not stress about it. Hopefully it will all work out but if it doesnt you will be back up and running again sooner or later and hopefully something else will come up.

[Anoj]

oh my gosh, i can definitely relate to your struggles. i could write a book about the things i've experienced at my job. like you, i took STD and went back to a semi-functioning level. they let me work half days in the office and half days at home. eventually i got good enough to start going in full days. then, unfortunately i had 4-5 setbacks, and each time i need to work from home for weeks, sometimes months at a time. i'd say i've been in the office about 50% of the time the past year.

it's very unnerving to have these setbacks because i take for granted when i'm feeling good, then all of a sudden BAM!

i work in a very toxic, dysfunctional environmnent. i think my boss tried to use my illness to get rid of me. i had to fight for my job and go through HR. i'm a writer, so i was able to threaten them with the ADA, which says telecommuting is a reasonable accomodation for a disability. at times, i think about getting back on STD and taking FMLA again. i was lucky that my insurance policy didn't give me any trouble about my claim.

at one point boss forced me to call in sick when i was capable of telecommuting. after i complained, they were forced to give me the time back! that's when i thought they figured out what they were doing was illegal. in addition, she is letting other females work from home because they had babies. so, disability is a problem but having a kid isn't? it's tough out there.

anyway, my biggest concern would be whether they would fire you before you have a chance to claim your STD again. if they fire you, i don't believe you have that protection? i'm always worrying about their perception of my performance. it's STRESSFUL. a couple of times i asked them point blank if my performance was in question. they said no, but i got an average performance review and no raise. i think it's most important to file for STD if you think there is a high risk of being terminated - BEFORE it happens. i don't know all the details of your situation, but that would be my advice. also you mentioned that you couldn't afford a reduction in hours. idk, isn't that better than NO job? i worry that if you keep pushing yourself it will not be good. we all know how that turns out, right?!

sorry you're going through that! i wish you the best.

[hholmes13]

Thanks for the responses! I don't think my boss is planning on firing me. He's been really awesome to me for the last 5 1/2 years I've worked for him. I'm worried about pushing too hard also...but hopefully he'll if I do "crash" he'll understand. I'm still waiting to hear from my doc to see if I get an appointment. I want to try to find some kind of cause for this stuff so I can maybe treat it more effectively. Your situation sounds tough too Anoj. Hopefully yours works out well also.

[jenglynn]

Funny I should read this today.... I had not seen this yet!!! I am glad that your boss is understanding. This disease can be so difficult to deal with and IMPOSSIBLE to predict so working is not easy. I also know that the stress of the job would make a big difference too. Or if you felt your presence was imperative... meaning if you weren't there, it wouldn't get done, and not only give you twice the work to do when you get back but you would constantly worry while you were out. I really hope your boss continues to work with you and that you don't have to feel stressed about it. Is there any way you can do work from home if needed?

I really hope that you can get an appointment and get on a good treatment plan!!!! It is really difficult living in limbo and it takes time to find a regimen that works (ha ha... I laugh because I still haven't gotten there... but that doesn't mean you won't...)

Thinking of you!!!

Jen

[Anoj]

yep, it's hard enough dealing with the illness, much less discimination on top of that. i like the fact that there are forum members here who have understanding bosses. that's got to help some.