I'm Trying Very Hard Here

[lieze]

To think positive.

To quit thinking I'm dying every second and to have hope.

I'm just eating eating eating.

I don't feel like I've gained anything and is still concerning but I'm trying very hard to think positive.

I'm getting up a bit more and just a little more active.

It feels good to my body.

I question now how much just lying around has caused my weakness and loss of muscle?

I don't know.

I'm not sure where my fear of dying originated.

It was really scary when my heart would act up or I would have episodes.

I am just very sorry that I have ever said anything in ear shot of my children.

I wish I could take that back.

My four year old asks me mommy are you dying?

And it makes me so sorry that he even has to think about that.

It's not fair to him and I never meant to do that.

[corina]

thank you for being so honest lieze. i think people here will understand. i've been feeling sorry for my kids as well and felt responsible for messing up their childhood. not that it was all messed up, that was just how i felt, as i wasn't able to take them out, help them with homework, play with them or what so ever. keep thinking positive and KNOW that you won't just die.

take care,

corina

[mwise]

Sending a great big HUG to you Lieze! We all have the tendency to feel sorry and get angry at our selves when things are going badly.

That is human nature and ok to feel this way. I probably do it once a day or more. LOL:P I have said the same thing about wanting to die in front of my children especially when I was bed bound and extremely symptomatic. I felt horrible and regretted saying it because my daughters were begging me not to die and please live. They didn't care if i was bed bound just wanted their mother around for them. I decided right than & there I would take a different approach, a positive attitude toward my illness. I would try to set a goal whether eating one more bit of food, drinking one more sip of fluids for hydrating, sitting up one more minute,etc...and enjoy each second of the day. I also made a promise that I would share how I was feeling with them everyday. If I was feeling bad-i would tell them-mommy is having a bad time and asked them to help make me feel better. We actually made it a fun time to feel better. So hang in there and let your son make you feel better.

That unconditional love has a way of healing.

[Godsgal]

Thinking and praying for you today Lieze

[juliegee]

Ditto.

[firewatcher]

(((((((((((((lieze))))))))))))))))))

My kids are 9 and 11 and they have no idea who I really am. My oldest was too young to remember when Mommy was fun, and my youngest never knew that at all. I've been living a life suspended for over five years. While I may not know what it is like to be normal, I remember feeling better than I did with a POTS dx.

To give you hope: I have made more positive progress in the last six months than I have in several years. For the first time, in a long time, I feel GOOD! Improvement CAN happen. You COULD recover completely. Hang on, don't give up.

Adding you to my prayer list....

[ramakentesh]

Improvement can definately happen. But like all good things it seems to take time.

There are times when i feel 100% - very rarely but occasionally and then I remember how lucky other people are.

[Guest tearose]

Sending you hugs and support.

Just do your personal best and let your children know you love them. You did not ask for these challenges and you are doing your best to get better!

Please know that children will learn from us as role models. My two sons learned that there were times of great difficulty and yet I managed to live as full and good a live as possible.

I see now that my sons have become more compassionate and sensitive young men too.

best regards,

tearose