Just Some Things On My Mind (stress,outlooks,etc.)

[lissy]

Hi,

I have had alot of not stop stresses for a few years now and it doesn't help when you have this illness that makes you feel like you have no control of your health, life , and future. I'm am learning now that everything that pushes me beyond my emotional and physical limits has to go to the back burner and I have learned to separate myself from this cruel reality .Almost everyone has heard god only gives you as much as you can handle and that is so true, right when I get to my breaking point one little thing changes for the better and it gives me motivation to look forward. I think it is to make our faith in God stronger and reach for him more.

Activities that help me relief stress ----A interesting movie, playing on line games, crying till I can't cry anymore, going in my kids room and playing no matter how I feel and thinking back of what it was like being a kid myself.

I pray and focus on something other than myself.

I fight the "why me stage" because just when you think its the worse it can possibly be your life can go from Bad to worse. . I'd give a million dollars (if I had it) to get a break from my hectic stressful sickly life.... LOL but thats not gonna happen I just have to be thankful I can be alive with the limited abilities I do have just to type laugh think half way straight and really just to wake up from the night before because the last thought on my mind was GOD I feel so awful Please let me live another day even though I know how hard its going to be .

STRESS has been a big burden that I've had to work at for so long and when I first got sick I thought ohhh boy life is over I better make all the right decisions that are going to make me completely happy because the seriousness of life snuck up on me and everyday needed to be so special and memorable and I began looking into things way to much (chronically ill people have a different perspective on life) people that aren't sick really don't understand but I held everyone up to this certain expectation after I got sick like they would magically become loving, considerate,compassionate,understanding, helpful, but that was not the case . I realized even though my life changed dramatically, they weren't affected to the point of growing into exactly what I need them to be or what I thought they should be doing. This illness has shown me how selfish people really are and I didn't see that very clearly before getting sick because I involved in the functioning world. I have been a lonely person all my life and even more so after POTS. I know if I was to wake up tomorrow perfectly healthy I'd never be the same my views on our society are embarrassing. From our medical field, to our loved ones its really ashame how self absorbing people really are . I know with this DX all of you have had at least one good doctor in your life and we are actually lucky.

I know this is alittle bit everywhere but I had alot on my mind today:)

I have a almost 3 year old (my caregiver) she follows me around the house all day asking are you okay mommy ??? she knows I'm sick. When I take a bath since I can't shower she tries to wash my hair for me and rushs off to grab me a bottle cold water. She always says Mommy Ill always take care of you and its unbelievable to me to see such love in a small child. Whenever I'm laying feeling my worse she will come back with my BP cuff and it just really breaks my heart and I try to imagine what shes really feeling and going through having a mom that is sick. I watch her look out the window everyday and wish I could do the things with her that my mom did with me...I can't wait for that day I have so many plans and what fun we WILL have.

I think about alot everyday and I don't really have anyone that really can even relate . It feels good to get this out so I guess nothings lost.

Hope someone gets something out of this .

Lissy

[firewatcher]

Lissy, sweetie, I don't know what to say!

All I can offer is prayer and good thoughts and as much support as I can give through cyber-space.

You have been through a LOT and you are still here, so you are strong. Do you have any family close by? A church you used to/still do attend? Maybe they can give you some help.

Know that you are loved and supported, my heart and thoughts go out to you!

Many prayers for healing for you!

Jennifer

[potsgirl]

Dear Lissy,

My heart goes out to you. To be a mother with a three-year-old alone has to make your daily life a constant struggle/stressor. You are being so strong and honest sharing your true thoughts to those of us here on the forum. I can certainly relate to some major stressors in my life too, but I don't know how you do it with a young child. I didn't get sick until my son was about 22 years old. I do have an adult helper in the house - I am very fortunate.

I am keeping you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers. I also second Firewatcher in that if you can get spiritual and/or physical help from other family members or your local church, reach out for help. It's the strong that know when they need it, not the weak.

Take care & God bless,

Jana

[Mrs. Burschman]

(((Lissy)))

Hugs to you! Thanks for sharing. I think that just getting out what's on your mind can be really helpful.

[lissy]

Thank you for your kind words and the ideas about reaching out. I do not have family near by and I don't really think they understand how sick I really am.

I have went to daycares and they are just so expensive and I actually have a 3 year old and 2 year old so its hundreds of dollars just for a days and a few hours a week. I have asked about assistance because I do receive disability but no program exists here in Indiana unless your working or attending school. I am a believer and I don't have a regular church with *daycare so I kinda feel uncomfortable calling and telling my story and asking if they'll help. I have thought I can do this until I can get them into preschool but everyday is a BIG struggle. I guess it will all work out somehow.............

Thanks again

Lissy

[maggie]

lissy,

I don't know why some are afraid to reach out for help, maybe fear of rejection. I know of a woman who had gotten pots right after the birth of her first child. Her mom came and helped for the first six months but then needed to return home. The church this woman attended came to her aid. They set up a schedule and one woman volunteered one day a week to help out. What a wonderful gift for her. A year after her dx her husband was dx with cancer and within six months he died leaving her with a small child and her with pots. Again the church stepped up to the plate and helped her through this struggle. She now has remarried and is doing fairly well. If we don't reach out and ask for help people won't know the need. I know anyone of you on ths forum now that you have had this type of struggle would help one in need if you were well. We have to give people the benifit of the doubt and ask for help. Remember ask and you shall recieve. We don't know in what shape God will send the help, but he hears our prayers and answers. I hope you will reach out and get the help you need at this point in your life for you and your family.

Maggie