lorrie Posted July 16, 2008 Report Share Posted July 16, 2008 I suppose it is natural to suffer from depression when your body is failing you and you have a new scary diagnosis. I have really been trying to keep myself in check. I have not done well at that this week. My best friend blew a disc in her back and is now paralyzed from the waist down. I have been trying to help her and lift her spirits and I think taking on her problems has been good in a way to keep my mind off my problems, but it has also seemed to put me in a state depression that I am having a hard time overcoming even with Zoloft.My camping trip with my husband and daughter was a disaster and I have been in bed a couple of days trying to recover from the symptoms the heat stirred up. I think that has given me time to think about her situation and my health and now I only want to curl up in a ball and sleep.The guilt I feel when I am in this stage of my POTS also adds to the depression. I feel like I am cheating my daughter out of a mother like she deserves. She is only 7 and she is so good about letting me rest when I need to, but I hate that I can't be running and jumping with her.Sorry...just needed to vent where people have a chance of understanding how hard life gets at times. My family tries to understand, but they just don't know the half of it. I know this will pass, but I wonder if I should mention this extra depression to my doctor? Thanks for listening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bjt22 Posted July 16, 2008 Report Share Posted July 16, 2008 As mothers, we are always going to feel mother-guilt. It just goes with the territory, and frankly, we live in a society that encourages it. I suppose since I had children before becoming disabled, I sort of understood this. Ofcourse, I sitll wrestle with it, but I'm at the point where I can keep it in perspective. Years later, I can still feel twinges of guilt, and yes, I feel a bit lonely and isolated, but again, its about perspective. If we're lucky enough to have loving and caring people around us, I think we're already ahead of the game.Years and years ago, I took Zoloft for my autonomic dysfunction. While it helped with many of the autonomic problems, it gave me what I term "existential depression". My mind would often wonder in curious directions....you know, about how we are all small specks in a vast universe....I was lucky enough to realize that it was this drug causing these thoughts and they did diminish with a little bit of time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelissaCrystal Posted July 16, 2008 Report Share Posted July 16, 2008 I think it's really common for people who are ill to feel very guilty about it. I think that's my main reason for all my anxiety and depression right now, because I've been depending so much on my boyfriend and I get paranoid about his feelings about it. Guilt is a huge problem for me, but it's very normal in our cases.In my case, my anxiety was driving a lot of my depression, because I'd have these nightly routines of stressing out about my life, and then get really sad and upset. My doctor put me on an anti-anxiety med rather than anti-depressant and I finally feel like it's working. Do you think you're experiencing anxiety and that's why you feel more depressed? Years and years ago, I took Zoloft for my autonomic dysfunction. While it helped with many of the autonomic problems, it gave me what I term "existential depression". My mind would often wonder in curious directions....you know, about how we are all small specks in a vast universe....I was lucky enough to realize that it was this drug causing these thoughts and they did diminish with a little bit of time.That's really funny that you mentioned this^, because I had the same experience on zoloft. It sounds like it's kind of common when I look up people's opinions in google, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajw4790 Posted July 16, 2008 Report Share Posted July 16, 2008 Hi!Welcome lolo, MelissaReid, and (if I haven't already said it to) bjt too! There is so many new people I have a hard time keeping track of who's who etc.I found the side effect from the Zoloft interesting, and something I hadn't heard in that context before. My "ADHD" has gradually increased, but became even more of a issue with starting Zoloft etc. I wonder if it has a connection? Interesting...I hope that you find support and answers to some of your questions on the board. I am not sure how much insight I have to add... I know that guilt, anxiety, and depression can all fit in with all of this, but I am not good at identifying what causes what etc. and how to best deal with all of it especially with families etc. For me it is always trial and error to what works. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorrie Posted July 17, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2008 Thanks for the welcome and for the help. I try to stay upbeat and usually have good luck with that...just had a rough week. It's nice to have a place to get it off my chest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ernie Posted July 17, 2008 Report Share Posted July 17, 2008 Hi,Maybe you could ask your doctor to change the Zoloft to another anti-depressant! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheba Posted July 17, 2008 Report Share Posted July 17, 2008 O.k. guys now im totaly confused I thought depression and anxiety was the same. My symptons for me are nervousness and something with my adrenaline like shakiness and scared really uneasy. I took a xanex before and it did relax me. Which one do I have anxiety or depression? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bjt22 Posted July 17, 2008 Report Share Posted July 17, 2008 I think most people equate anxiety with "nervousness"....you know, how the older people used to say "I'm a nervous wreck!". There are some who believe that anxiety and depression have similar root causes. A lot of people who have trouble with one will have trouble with the other.The only experience I've had with depression was the one I talked about when I was first on Zoloft. I don't have anxiety, either...in fact, I'm too far the other way. Things that should scare me just don't. Many people will have the type of anxiety you describe with POTS as well as with other cardiovascular problems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
njfainter42 Posted July 17, 2008 Report Share Posted July 17, 2008 I wanted to mention that I also have an almost 7 yr old and I think kids are more resilient with our conditions than we realize. I am on cymbalta which has a norepinephrine effecting component in addition to affecting the serotonin which is what Zoloft does. You could add wellbutrin to your Zoloft to affect the norepinephrine and see if this helps you. With the problems you described the norepinephrine is usually affected. I would ask your doc re: adding a low dose wellbutrin on a trial basis to see how you feel. I also have depression problems regularly even with my cymbalta. I think the anxiety comes 1st in that I feel uncomfortable doing things I enjoy because I fear the fainting. I then do less or get really anxious so I don't enjoy the activity which leads to feeling depressed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelissaCrystal Posted July 17, 2008 Report Share Posted July 17, 2008 Anxiety can make you depressed, definitely. Usually doctors tell me that anxiety is nervousness, constant "stressed out" feeling, really wired, mind constantly running and worrying about things, and you can have anxiety attacks or panic attacks. Depression is a low energy, moodiness, low motivation. For some people, having anxiety can make them very motivated and be almost obsessive compulsive to try to feel less anxious about certain things. Some people in the work force actually like their anxiety. For some people anti-anxiety meds work better than anti-depressants for what they have, but they're pretty similar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bjt22 Posted July 17, 2008 Report Share Posted July 17, 2008 I"m not anxious or depressed. I took Welbutrin a few years after I had tried the Zoloft. At first, it seemed to minimally help, but I could never get up to a dose beyond the lowest levels. Still, I took it along with other meds for a few years. Eventually, not thinking that I was getting any benefit from it, I quit....I was right, evidently I was getting no benefit as I felt no different after stopping it and my symptoms didn't change one way or the other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
masumeh Posted July 17, 2008 Report Share Posted July 17, 2008 If ur psychotropic medication (meds for depression) isn't working for you, you might try cognitive or behavioral therapy. They all have about a 30% success rate. Not everyone's depression is chemical. Cognitive therapy was developed to treat depression, and then branched out to other disorders. So it's a fairly effective treatment. Depression is incredibly common, even among otherwise healthy people. It makes us feel bad about ourselves, our past and our future. But the reality is that we're probably doing the best we can, and very loved by our friends and family, and just thinking negatively because we're stuck in that swing. Admitting your competencies and strength can be a great help, it really alleviates the depression if you're able to do it. Try writing down the things you're good at, the things people love about you, and the things you have achieved in your life. No one is a perfect mom or dad. Have you ever seen the movie "I Am Sam"? I think you should rent it, if you haven't. It's really great for putting parenthood and life in general in perspective....I think. I'm also a limited in terms of activities with my daughter. She's almost 5 years old now, and I've had POTS since before the pregnancy. I rely heavily on relatives to give her exciting activities like swimming and biking with my dad, going shopping with my mom, going visiting to different places like pony rides with my husband. It takes a support system to raise any child with all the love he/she needs. So we're sick. So we can't do EVERYTHING. So what? It's really not going to traumatize the child. We're probably the ones missing out, not the child himself/herself. In fact, I think that my daughter has a hieghtened sense of sympathy, perspective taking, and compassion due to my illness. She also has a lot more knowledge about medicine and physiology than any other 5 yr old I've ever known. Maybe she'll grow up to be a great doctor because of my POTS...you never know I think it helps to always do whatever we can with our kids, and to let them know that we really want to do more, we simply can't because we're sick. They do eventually understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bjt22 Posted July 17, 2008 Report Share Posted July 17, 2008 None of us are perfect parents. We all fall short in some ways. I've probably have a much closer relationship to my children due to having had this for so long. I'm here at home all the time, so I'm the one who has the long, long talks with the kids. In the long run, I think this has been of far greater profit to my children than being able to run them here and there, day in and day out. And we will feel some "Mommy Guilt"....it does go with the territory. We live in a society that practically enforces it. Keep it in perspective. Parenthood is great, over all, and its a shame to waste the good times over worrying about things we can't help anyways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pat57 Posted July 18, 2008 Report Share Posted July 18, 2008 I am with masumeh on that cognitive therapy. Since I had serious liver disease I would not take antidepressants. All medications are a burden for a diseased liver. I went to http://www.recovery-inc.com/.I can't say enough for it, it changed my life!P.S. I say 'had' serious liver damage because I did the hepatitis C treatment which lowered the level of damage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tearose Posted July 18, 2008 Report Share Posted July 18, 2008 I read self help books and worked on my spiritual energy. I cannot take meds. Therapy wasn't something I ever did so I shared with my family, friends, clergy and physician to talk things out. I understand the Mommy guilt and I can say clearly my sons did not suffer for the numerous relapses I had over the years.My guys are more sensitive and compassionate and are happy, well adjusted young men now.They made into top colleges and are fine people. Yes, they have memories of as they say "mom being fragile" but they recall how I would do my best and find ways of making the best of what I was dealing with.Our kids just need to know we are trying to get stronger, that we love them unconditionally and that we are always available to talk or listen to them.I am too hot and tired to write more tonight but please be gentle with yourself. This depression is just one potshole on the road you are on. You are not alone there either! I am sending you a spark of light into that darkness you see right now.gentle warm wishes,tearose Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorrie Posted July 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2008 I appreciate all of you and your comments and advice. I moved my appointment up from the end of August to next Monday with my doctor and I am going to discuss all this with him. I also printed off some POTS info. and gave it to my husband and my sister. Maybe if they become more aware of this disorder, they will better understand when I need to talk. They have tried so hard, but it just isn't easy for them to "get" it.As far as my daughter, she is a smart little girl and one of the first ones who will jump in and help when I faint or have an episode. She is in charge of getting a cold, wet rag and wiping my face and neck...she will also closely watch the adults to be sure they are doing things correctly. She once told my aunt to back up and give me some space...she heard this on a TV show.I know she will be fine and I am probably feeling guilty for no reason. It just really stinks to me not to be able to play with her like I want to. Her face looks so disappointed when she asks me to do something that I am not up to doing. Maybe I'm the one who is feeling left out and I pretend it is her who is suffering...just a hard situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tearose Posted July 19, 2008 Report Share Posted July 19, 2008 You sound a smidge bit more confident and it is so great to hear you were able to move your appointment to Monday.I hope you are able to have some time to rest and recharge yourself over the weekend.Hang in there,tearose Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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