Advice Needed. Is This Appropriate?

[Carly87]

I need some advice! I know a lot of you are parents here, so I want to know what you think.

I work for my town's recreation department each summer. Basically, myself and a few other staff members are assigned to a park and we work there doing crafts/playing games with the kids who attend. This year, we have had a boy who is ten years old, Ryan, come down and hang out/make crafts. He lives right near the park and he can't wait to come down and hang out with us every day. Usually kids just make a craft or two and leave, but Ryan stays with us all day long. None of us have ever minded, because he is a great kid and incredibly mature for his age. He's probably the smartest and most mature ten year old I've ever met. We also know that he has family troubles at home...His parents divorced and his father is now deceased. He has definitely gone through a lot, and has hinted that he loves being at the park with us because it gives him an escape for awhile, and that he has friends who care about him here.

I can relate to a lot of what this kid is going through, and I just feel this need to help him...Well, I'm going away for my senior year of college at the end of the summer. I wanted to keep in touch with him somehow, maybe as a pen-pal, throughout the school year. It just seems like he doesn't have too many people in his life to turn to, and I know how that is. My question to you is, is this even appropriate? I'm trying to help, but I don't want to overstep any boundaries. Any input?

[carinara]

Hi Carly,

i think staying in touch with him is a great idea! I really think its great that you are so sensitive and worry about this little boy and his situation! Experiencing that somebody really cares, can make a big difference to this little boys life. I can also understand that you are a little worried about if writing to him is appropiate! I have a 11 year old daughter myself and if a grown up person would write her letters, i wouldnt know what to think about it. So therefore i would recommend you, to let his parents know, that you would really like to stay in conact with him (because of all the reasons you wrote in this post). In my opinion you dont have to ask yourself the question if its appropiate as long as your heart tells you, that you can really make a difference to this boys life, and that you help him to experience that there is somebody around who cares. The world needs people who take over responsibilitiy and dont just turn away. (sorry about my english)

carinara

[nunibenuni]

I think that it is a good idea to stay in touch. I think you should ask your supervisor if there are any rules against it. And ask his parents if they think it is ok.

[Rachel]

Hi Carly,

What a neat summer job!!!

I think that is very kind of you to want to keep in touch with this boy, and it sounds like he would really appreciate that. If you can speak to his mother and get permission to keep in touch with him, that would be great. If he's down at the park by himself all day, though, it sounds like his mother might not be around much, so asking her might not even be possible. I think it would be appropriate to give the boy your address so that he can contact you if he wants to/needs to.

I was a camp counselor in the summers during high school and college, and often there were campers who wanted to keep in touch. I didn't ask for a camper's address (though they sometimes gave it to me anyway), but I did give my address out to any camper who wanted it. I said that if she wanted to write me, that I would definitely write back. There were campers that I kept in touch with for years. I helped some of them through difficult challenges. Sometimes I helped to answer questions. I was a listening ear. Sometimes I was just a fun pen-pal. Every child and teenager had different needs. I never had a parent upset that I was corresponding with their child. Any feedback I got from parents was very positive. Some of these campers I still keep in touch with today! (Mostly on facebook now as they're all in college or graduating highschool soon. I feel old!)

Go with your convictions. If this boy needs you, needs a friend, or needs someone to talk to, let him know that you care and that you are willing to stick by him.

Rachel

[Guest tearose]

Rules are so different today. Gee, I wonder if homeland security has a form for this?

I too think it is kind of you to care. I wold ask the policy first. Then I would ask the parent and offer your address if they were okay with it.

It is refreshing to hear caring people are not giving up with all the new regulations and fears today.

best regards,

tearose

[Carly87]

Thanks everyone! I am going to try to talk to his mother. The only problem is that this boy stays with his grandmother (who lives right near the park) all day, every day...I've actually never met his mother before, but I have met his grandmother. I might have to ask her. I'm glad to know that what I'm doing is acceptable!! I'm just going with what feels right. Thanks for the help!

[MomtoGiuliana]

Just a thought--could both of you enroll in the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program and you could mentor him via that program? Or, he could also find a(nother) mentor that way. Sounds like he needs that sort of support. It's great that he found someone who cares.