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Disability Pension - mixed emotions!


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I received the final decision on my disability pension today - I have been awarded the upper tier of NHS medical retirement benefits, the category for people not expected to be able to return to the workforce in any capacity. 

Still shaky after reading the report, my heart was pounding when I opened the envelope! 

Whilst this is the best possible outcome & means a little extra financial security for my family, I am also sad seeing the extent of my limitations & poor quality of life set out in black & white - it makes Dickens look like Disney!

I know I need to focus on the relief of this decision, I was dreading a rejection, having to appeal etc. I have already thanked God for the outcome, which is the one I had been praying for. I may also have the option of taking a lump sum, which would help me fund craniocervical fusion surgery if I decide to go ahead with it.

It feels strange & ironic to have to fight so hard for years to convince people that you are ill, then be shaken up at reading back just how ill you are. 

Has anyone else had mixed feelings after getting their disability/pension award?

B xxx

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I disliked my first blue badge, even though I use a wheelchair. I have disability but hate applying for it. It's hard having medical assessments that say you're not really functional, but I try to do as much as possible. 

It's good news to have stuff fixed, and maybe you will get better - it is always possible.

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I was the same way. Knowing how you feel and having someone with authority declare you irredeemably ill are two very different things. It was a hard pill to swallow.  I am helping a friend look for a job and I still get excited seeing jobs I could apply for. It is sad knowing that I couldn't do it. 

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When I got SSDI ( I had a hearing and the judge declared me fully disabled on the spot after hearing what POTS does to us ) I first was relieved. But that soon changed to waiting until I got better so I could go back to work. LOL! I was a nurse and was supposed to put my license on retirement status ( it has to be renewed every few years ) and kept thinking that I am going to need it soon to go back to work. When it finally sank in that this is forever I became really depressed. But today I am just simply glad that I can function doing the little I can. 

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I went through the exact same thing when I was awarded SSDI.  First relief then depression because it’s official that I am permanently disabled.  I just had to renew my parking permit and the Dr ticked permanent and after 4 years on SSDI that still was difficult to see.  I don’t think about it much anymore but it is still hard when you do.  

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12 hours ago, KiminOrlando said:

It was a hard pill to swallow.  I am helping a friend look for a job and I still get excited seeing jobs I could apply for. It is sad knowing that I couldn't do it. 

Same here. On the scrap heap at 39! Just have to remain hopeful of more treatments becoming available in time!

B xxx

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4 hours ago, Pistol said:

When it finally sank in that this is forever I became really depressed. But today I am just simply glad that I can function doing the little I can. 

I guess you have to look at disability benefits in the same way I regard a wheelchair - having it doesn't make you any more disabled than you are anyway, it just makes living with it a bit easier. It would have been much harder if I'd been refused, as living on my husband's wage alone would be tight. I am very thankful to have the financial stress taken care of & not have to go through repeated assessments after a certain time. 

 

2 hours ago, p8d said:

 I don’t think about it much anymore but it is still hard when you do.

I am sure I will get to that stage too. Even if I could get stable to just volunteer somewhere in a small capacity would be nice.

B xxx

 

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