Anyway To Keep My Kids?

[lieze]

I am here at my mom's and they are basically taking care of the kids so that I can try to put on weight. I am up to 90 pounds and kind of stuck. I continue to try to eat as much as I can hold. I'm hopeful the gain ( my goal weight is 100 ) will happen in time. I started going home on the weekends when I overheard my mom on the phone threatening to increase their fee to $300/week. Right now we're paying $200/week. My weight gain kind of stopped at the point I started doing the weekends at home with the kids.

So today my Dad said he and my Mom can't take much more the kids get on their nerves too badly. He thinks I just haven't trained them right and I told him I tried from the time they were small and it's part of what exhausts me is they just do not listen.

So I talked to the kids and this may sound terribly mean but I explained to them that if we get kicked out that we have no where else to go...that Mommy can't take care of them alone. I told them they could end up having to go to into foster homes and it is why it is so important to listen to Mommy, Grandma and Grandpa. It felt like a cruel thing to do and I felt sick after but I don't know how else to make them understand the position we are in.

I told them Grandma and Grandpa do not have to let us live in their house.

I am applying for disability and I don't know if this will factor in at all. Whether I could get hired help so the children do not have to be taken away or how that works.

I need help with cleaning, shopping, laundry some cooking potentially and maybe even some transportation. The

children's ages are 12,10,6 and 4.

Does any one have any advice or experience with this?

I am currently married but not sure that will last. My husband is not very happy with a sick wife.

I may need housing also at that point.

I have no sisters or brothers or other family that can help.

[sue1234]

Leize, you are in an "emergency" situation. The talk you had with them is the best you can do. I hope someone that has experience with social work will come on and give you some good, helpful advice. I think going home on the weekends, although hard on you, helps your parents from the 24/7. Is your husband at all helpful on the weekends with the kids?

[k'smom]

Lieze,

I'm so sorry that it has come down to this for you and your family. The only advice I can give you as far as the kids go is to simply keep talking to them. Is it possible that they are acting up because they know you are sick and they are worried? You are definitely in my prayers hun.

[lieze]

The first weekend we went home was rough he took off for hours to go riding around in his car. I saw things at home to do and although I tried to pace myself ended up overdoing it and flat on my back exhausted. When he did come home he announced he was going again later and I said no you are not-especially not at meal time. He just expected me to do it all.

He got defensive and said he would not be held prisoner in his own home.

I just had to bite my lip at that point.

The kids then are just left to spend time on the computer or whatever-most of their activities I managed when I was healthier.

So last weekend was a bit better. He cooked most of the meals but I felt ill and started to notice the weight stopping at 90 I saw 92 actually almost as a fluke like I was waterlogged and then it headed down and I'm hanging out closer to 90 again.

It seems activity just prevents me from gaining at all.

I think to go home now would be a bad idea.

[houswoea]

would your husband be willing to take them alone sometimes?

Are there any other relatives that can help? Like aunts, uncles, other grandparents, cousins, anything??

[lieze]

I have my husband taking them on Wednesdays after work and weekends.

I was am only child and my cousins are all over the United States.

My husband has one sister and she is not local.

I'm not sure how much she would be able to help.

They are in a bad situation with a run down farm house.

No running water or bathing facilities in their bathroom at all. They come into town once a week to bathe at my mother in laws.

My in laws might help a little but our parents are not in cordial terms.

My mother in law had the kids for just a bit a couple weeks ago and when she came to bring them back my mom closed the door and said she did not want her in-so they would not do well communicating together.

I hear my mom struggling with many of her peers.

If anyone acts outside of her approved way she develops a real problem with them and obsesses on them and feels it's her duty to correct their behavior-so my mom is a difficult person to work with.

She resents me and told the kids I have to start doing jobs that it is not fair that I sit all day while everyone else works-so there are issues there.

Wish me luck I really need it-more like a miracle.

I think maybe I could fold towels sitting down I may offer to do that-but I am afraid to get to active until I put on more weight. Maybe it's just paranoia on my part I don't know.

[Olive]

I pray for you. I so wish you had a better support group. Bless your heart for going through this by yourself. Yes, you are living with family, but it sounds like they are mean and controlling. I wish you the best.

Trudy

[sisblostg]

I'm so sorry about what you are going through. I got disability, before my POTS dx but it took awhile. I was lucky because I started to work at 14 and went to grad school school and had a good job so I paid alot into SS so my money is decent. Since I get SSDI I get money for my kids and I use it to help make life easier for my husband and myself. The money has helped with cooking, cleaning, and activties for the kids. I used to be a careful coupon shopper. Now the extra money has helped because I buy food that is healthy but easier to prepare. I had both my kids take 4-H cooking classes (they can cook better then me now). My 8 year old even makes our breads.

I also have given up the idea of my house looking perfect. I had my washer dryer moved right next to my bedroom. I dont like that vistors can see my laundry but I thought who really comes over?

My kids love magic erasers, they are at the dollar store now. They will happily clean the house with a magic eraser.

I drove for the first time a yesterday in over 18 months. I have a 8 and 13 year old(who has a disability which makes my 8 year old more capable of most tasks). During the school year I get up with them every morning, then I rest most of the day while they are gone. I do necessary chores in small bursts. I load half the dishwasher then rest and do the other half later. I will put the laundry in the washer and my kids take it out after school. I bought thier clothes so that they have outfits and they use the hangers with the clips and clip one outfit on each. Easy for them to put away, easy for them to get dressed. I consulted a PT and OT for a one time visit and got lots of helpful hints for how to conserve engery and run a household. I use similiar plan to what a pregnant women on bedrest would use.

I have a great husband but no family support. I am an only child and I have ony 1 living cousin left. I only a handful of friends that still come by(and they don't understand). My husband does alot and I talked to my kids and told them the situation and they have taken it seriously. In fact biggest support in my kids and thier friends. I try and take a walk around our cu-de-sac at night. My goal is to walk to the school everyday like I use to (about 2 blocks away). The neighborhood kids beg to be the one to walk with me and I hear them cheering me on as I get closer to my goal of the school.

I hope you can get disability. The extra money is so helpful. I can get kids to help me out with alot of chores for small amounts of money. It has also helped during the summer to pay for camps for my kids. If you need any advice on the disability PM me. I went to a year of law school before my POTS got bad. I'm not a lawyer but I have helped alot of people navagate the system(it is different in every state but I will try and help if you would like). It is one of the few things I can do that makes me feel useful.

[lieze]

Wow that was a very helpful rundown on how you manage there sisblostg. Thank you for that.

I'm not very far along in the SSDI process but if I come to a point where I have questions I'll be sure to ask...

I filled out my forms online...first contacted a lawyer and they took my info online-they do not charge anything until you win your case and then just take a portion if back pay or something like that?

My case manager called today but I missed the call.

I tried to call him back and left a voicemail.

I'll be looking for his call tomorrow.

[sisblostg]

Make sure your dr fills out a full physcial and mental functionality report. It is an easy form to fill out. It the the most important part of the intial application. The person who reviews the intial application at SS is not a dr or even a nurse. It is a caseworker who may have never heard of POTS or Dysautoonmia so the funtionality report is easy to read. It basically asks on a scaled system (some forms have numbers so say never/always type answers) what you can do. If a caseworker sees that you can do very little to nothing in a clear form it is very helpful. Caseworkers are used to seeing the same conditions, RA, cancers, mental health issues. I got turned down the first time because they said due to my education level I should be able to find some type of work. Then when they reviewed again and saw by this simple number functionality form that I was not even able to shower by myself, or stand up for 10 minutes, or go anywhere alone etc I was approved.

[lissy]

I waited a few days to post this because I wanted to think about it full heartedly. I have been terribly sick from time to time for these 3 1/2 years so sick I was taking care of a newborn from laying on a mattress on the floor, crawling to bathe my children. Praying every night to just wake up the next day I was scared to death thinking I wouldn't be able to take care of my kids and possibly I would just die and they'd have to grow up without a mother.I lost every bit of self-confidence thinking I was Not able to take care of them or myself I felt worthless and hopeless. I had problems in all my support systems at my weakest time but you can't give up. Your kids love you and need you regardless of what your able to do they are at the teachable age a child at 12 at this day in age is almost grown. I don't know what type of people are on this site but in my neighborhood I see children aged 5-13 carrying grocery home, taking care of their siblings. I don't want to sound cruel in no way but you can't give up on them, the people around you can't be changed ( personality, sensitivity, understanding)

but you have to be strong and teach your children to help you so if you do indeed get disability you can live on your own and they can know what life is suppose to be about. The only way you should be thinking about giving up your kids is if you were dying or harming them unless that is happening there is no reason. Its hard. I have 5 myself and I feel like running out the door many times but thats not gonna happen. You need to be on your own to set the environment up to work for you and forget about the values you were brainwashed to believe you have a new life now and you have to make the best of it, if no-one believes your sick get away from them but until u get some money don't let it get to you in the meantime spend that teaching time with your kids keep them away from your stressed out parents and pray to God it will get manageable. I have my kids 24/7 no babysitters, school for 3 preschool for 2 and I can say whewwwww I made it my 3 1/2 year old is the last to start school Its amazing.I wish u the best Lieze sorry to be blunt but its who I am and I only wrote this because I care and I wish someone told me this when I was my weakest.

Lissy

[lieze]

Lissy,

What you wrote was beautiful.

I am in awe of what you have accomplished along with all of the other mothers here.

I'm really having a tough time trying to decided what to do.

My parents want me to have the children transfer schools into their district and it really worries me.

There are just obviously many pro's and con's to this idea.

I am struggling with the decision.

My biggest drawbacks are the kids love their school and don't want to switch and then just the impact it has on my parents and the stress it creates emotionally. I've had my Dad yelling at me twice yesterday and both times I got really worked up and couldn't get him to quit.

The kids are in soccer at their school already and he is refusing to help with any transportation putting it on my husband--well my husband doesn't have a 9-5 job and often has meetings scheduled late afternoon.

I don't want my husband to have that type of pressure that he has to leave and have it cause issues for him at work.

So there are just new issues coming up every day that cause stress and tension between. I feel like I can only be thankful for whatever help my parents can offer-and I also feel like any attempt to communicate our side of the story just won't go any where.

They have no interest, concern, or respect for it.

So it just kind of leaves me stuck in a situation.

With these types of things coming up already of this nature it makes me wonder what being committed to staying there for a year would be like and I have concerns.

My parents get offended if me or my husband do anything outside of their way of life or thinking. Gifts for the children are only allowed to be purchased on special occasion--so when my husband had brought them back last night after soccer with 3 very small gifts-a puzzle and 2 small lego kits I even though it would have given the children something to do I had to take the gifts away and put them back in my husband's car.

The kids cried and the kids and I both got a lecture even though we did not try to bring the gifts in.

My bp went way up for me.

It's a very hard decision for me to make since for us with these symptoms they vary they can get better or worse for a while...it's just hard to know what the year will bring.