Tachy Phlegming

Hello again fellow athletes, Thank you for so graciously inducting me into the hallowed pages of this forum. I found a new coach to help me train less intensively. His first name is also "Doctor." I asked and found out he would meet an Olympic heart racer who wants to stop competing. His assistant said he also trains the Brady Bunch. So he appears very well-rounded in coaching in the athletic and performing arts. In our conversation, I discussed my aptitude for heart racing in heat and humidity (he uses a sauna for his office so I was performing through the entire visit). I confided in him as to what moves me: high-flying adventures and raising -caines during dental visits make me virtually swoon. I told him that when I fly high, I sink to my knees to see the light when night starts to darken my vision. I was disheartened when the discussion made its first incursion into deep philosophical issues "If a heart beats fast in a chest and no one measures it, did it really beat fast?" The coach stated, in so many words, that he wanted to have evidence of my performing my unusual talent for a limited amount of time. He asked that I endure a variation of "coining" ("cao gio", the Southeast Asian practice of making the skin red with coins to release bad winds) which he said would give him the right "electrical" connection to see how I run. As we talked, I was figuring out that I might look like I had a Ringworm infection on my cleavage and feel a bad itch but that in fact, the round red battle scars I would have would be the hallmark of a true heart racer. In the same philosophical context, the coach also wanted evidence of my swooning. He said he wanted me to meet with his special group for a modified rack and fainting game (karate massage), both part of a Highly Unconscionable Torture Test. So as he requested, I endured the widely feared karate massage. ------------------------------------------- Now, too long after karate massage, my head still hurts and is a little hot. My chest hurts here and there, and so do parts of my neck here and there. I also feel weak. None of this is excruciating (it ranks pretty low on any pain scale) but I don't like the fact that it is abnormal. I thought I would not feel anything bad at all afterwards. Is the head pain normal? the neck pain? the chest pain? the hothead sensation? feeling weak? (The technician or nurse said I should have completely recovered but I want to know your experiences). If anyone had pain, weakness, or a sensation of heat, when did you recover? Still, Tachy

Hi Fellow Athletes, I'm Tachy Phlegming. Like my namesake, Peggy Fleming, the ice skater, I love (the) ice. The physical sporting events in which I excel are a little different from Peggy's and despite my preferences (I love the cold dry air of the ice rink), I perform maximally in hot humid climes. Over many years, I have become a very serious competitor in my various communities in heart racing and nose running. As I have boasted to friends, I have done endurance training in the above sports for days, weeks, months, and even years at a stretch to the point of collapse and where I felt like I would die. I would not have done such intensive training if I had any choice in the matter. But some of my coaches (by amazing coincidence, their first name was always "Doctor") thought that endurance training was good for my character. They made statements which, in essence, boiled down to "What's agonal suffering if you're a champion heart racer?" After these profound words, I couldn't keep my nose out of it. (Yes, that is a double entendre). Here are my numbers: Heart racing: 135 (even with fluid overload). Nose running: 12 mucus/phlegm expulsions/minute. It seems that many of you have also been in intensive training for years and that some of you may even have times that surpass mine. I am surprised that I have finally found people who can really compete with me as the various places in which I have lived have been (apart from me) apparently bereft of such unusual physical talent. My coaches, educated in the finest institutions in America, were completely unable to fathom the provenance of my physical fortitude and it appeared to me that I was unique in the world. I'd love to hear some of your numbers in the above events (and any other sports in which you are competitive, e.g., swooning, special movements/day, voidings/day). (You can tell me your endurance in days, weeks and months too). Despite my (admittedly geographically limited) great renown for the above physical prowess and the fact that other talent of my caliber is apparently heretofore unknown in the locales in which I have resided, I'm ready to stop training because I am fast approaching my dotage. Therefore, it could help me to tell my coaches about your stats. I think they will be less interested in keeping me in tip top(ple) form if they know that other people can do exactly what I do. Looking forward to knowing your stats , Tachy