First Outing Since Being Diagnosed - Scared To Death

[WendyB]

I haven't really been out of the house since I got sick and got my diagnosis. The only times I've been out have been for doctor's appointments and tests. All of those "excursions" have worn me out. I have to go out tomorrow and I'm scared to death.

Tomorrow evening I have to go to a viewing. My mom's cousin's wife died. (I won't try to describe the relationship to me because once you add in the second cousin or the once removed stuff I get very confused.) My mom's cousin passed away three years ago. We were always close and close to their kids. The kids are 15 and 20 years older than me and my cousin was 90. Not going is not an option. Anyway, I'm very nervous about going. The funeral home is an hour away. We'll be there for awhile. I'll feel weird just sitting and not walking around mingling. I'm worried that even just sitting up straight for two hours will be tough. At home I always have me feet up and I'm not absolutely straight and I always have a water bottle.

I also feel really bad about not going to the funeral the following day. My husband thinks it would be too much for me. An hour to the funeral home. The funeral. Then an hour to the cemetary. Standing in the heat at the cemetary and then an hour to the dinner. I think he's right especially because I'm sure tomorrow will wipe me out particularly since it's in the evening.

Any tips on what I should do for me first time out? Should I explain to people that there's something wrong so they don't think I'm weird for just sitting? Should I explain why I can't go the next day? Part of me wants to explain but I also don't want to be whining about myself at a viewing. Any tips on what I should bring for the car ride? What I should bring for the actual viewing? How I should keep from worrying myself into a state over my first time out?

Thanks in advance for any advice.

Wendy

[Lethargic Smiles]

I know how scary this is. Suggestions...

- If you can, lay in the backseat of the car on the way there. If you can't do that, recline your seat and prop your feet up.

- Make sure you hydrate plenty tonight and tomorrow.

- compression stockings

- Is sitting cross legged at the funeral home and option? I know it may be a bit strange, but not more strange than passing out!

- I think after you pay your respects, just sit somewhere. When people come to talk to you, inevitably (at least in my wake experiences) what is going on in your life will come up. Just mention you are having health issues with your ANS and your doctor has forbid you from standing more than 5 minutes at a time because you could faint. If they ask more, explain, if they don't, don't.

- I don't think someone sitting at a wake is that unusual. If anything, people with just think you are reflecting.

- At an appropriate time, let someone who is close to the deceased know you are so sorry for their loss and you are currently having health issues and your doctor said you cannot come to the funeral, but you wish you could. You could phrase it like, "I am so sorry for your loss. I wanted to let you know I won't be at the funeral tomorrow due to health issues. I wish I could be there to say my final goodbye, but my doctor will not allow it. I hope "insert deceased name" would understand." That's not whining in my opinion since the focus is on others feelings, not yourself.

- Have your husband go start the car and cool it off, then go take a breather from the wake and lay flat.

[cupcakemomma5]

I was going to say Something, but Jackies post pretty much sums it up. Maybe a small portable fan if you feel yourself overheating...

[WendyB]

Hi Jackie and Cupcakemom -

Thanks for the advice. I'm trying not to get overwhelmed by all of this. I'm working up to washing my hair. I've already decided to wear slacks so I don't have to shave me legs lol. Hair, legs and going out all in one day might push me over the edge. I'll let you know how I make out.

Thanks again,

Wendy

[WendyB]

Hi,

I just wanted to let everyone know how I made out on my first venture out of the house. Since I'm here typing, I survived LOL.

Before we left home my son went out and cooled off the car and made sure it was stocked with water. Same when we left the funeral home. My daughter stayed home because she was coming down with something so I had the back seat to myself and stretched out. I had my pillow and blanket with me. At the funeral I sat down and everyone stopped and chatted with me. Everyone was surprised to see me there. While not big facebook posters, apparently my extended family has been following my saga so knew I was sick. My cousins were surprised to see me there. They didn't think I'd be able to come. They were completely understanding about not being able to come the next day.

I'm so glad that I was able to go. There weren't many people there, so I"m glad we made it. I do wish I could have gone today but it would have been too much. I'm wiped out today. The hardest part was the awful storm we had on the way home. My husband and son wanted to stop for ice cream, good thing they did. As soon as they went in the sky turned black and opened up, the wind was so strong it was shaking the car, the trees were bending over and there was sky to ground lightening. I made the mistake of looking up only to see that we were parked under electric wires which were really swaying back and forth. I did not enjoy sitting in the car waiting for them. But, as quickly as the storm moved in, it moved out. It was strange because I didn't feel very well afterwards.

Well thanks again for the tips.

Wendy

[Lethargic Smiles]

I'm happy you made it and even happier your family was surprised to see you because that means they're understanding people. To me, no matter how sick I am, having the support of not only my immediate family, but extended family as well, has been priceless. It means so much. I cannot imagine being this sick and being one of these people whose families don't believe them. Storms make me achy and I believe it is due to the pressure dropping when it rains.