I have a history of severe depression, anxiety, PTSD etc.
I was determined treatment-resistant, yet continued to endure unbearable levels of stress due my living environment; no abuse per we, just intolerable levels of overstimulation.
One year ago, I finally crashed and developed a cluster of disabling symptoms that no one can really piece together (not that they're trying very hard).
Initially, it looked like 'adrenal fatigue' with symptoms like reactive hypoglycaemia, tinnitus, dizziness on standing etc.
Then, due a mildly elevated TSH (3.3), I became convinced it was hypothyroidism, given I also experienced weight gain, temp sensitivities, slowing of facial hair growth, low vit d, low b12, low body temps, peeling skin.
However, treating the thyroid did not work -- it only crashed me further and worsened my fatigue.
The symptoms that have become most worrying and disabling over the interim look like some kind of dysautonomia.
I notice: a ) unsteadiness of gait and feeling off-balance when I walk; sometimes I can sway violently side-to-side as if I'm on a boat. Exertion worsens these symptoms.
and b ) An extreme heaviness/weakness/fatigue, combined with a strong sensation of gravity pulling me downwards .. Sometimes when I move from lying to sitting, and sometimes when I move from sitting to standing. Standing seems to exert extreme stress on my body and I will feel my legs growing heavy, extremities tingling, a sensation of sinking into the ground, pressure in my face, and a sensation that I will eventually faint. I have not really stood longer than five minutes in the past few months. I can feel adrenaline pump through me all day and it makes me agitated, anxious and sensitive to noise. The cognitive problems are awful -- I feel like I'm in a fugue state often. I'm bloated and have frequent diarrhoea.
I initially saw a neurologist who dismissed me but ordered an Mri. However I was growing too weak to make it to doctors' appointments anymore and also became actively suicidal. My GP stopped believing anything was wrong with me due to my anxiety history so referred me to a psychiatrist who suggested a psychiatric ward, where I currently am. Because my nervous system has grown so sensitive with this, I have refused all meds. However, they have suggested ECT (it's my choice -- I'm here voluntarily). They are also going to look into neurological causes out of liability and have ordered an MRI and the neurology team will see me at some point.
It isn't really a horror story of POTS patient in psych. I know my history of mental illness led me here. But I am so scared because this almost feels like the end of the line -- I mean, the anxiety/depression was bad enough, but I feel physically disabled now at the age of 30. And being in psych in such an incapacitated state is scary. Not to mention going back home like this.
They wanted me to see the neurologist I saw as an outpatient but I googled and found that there is a neuro in here who specialises in POTS/dysautonomia and have requested to see him if possible.
On the one hand, it would be amazing just to have someone confirm the issue. I also pray the MRI shows something tangible (even though I doubt it will). But I don't even see what can be done really, given I never tolerated psych meds anyway, and all of this was probably caused by stress, which I can't reduce now.
My own guess is that I have developed CFS or post-viral fatigue given the cluster of symptoms -- adrenal, thyroid, dysautonomia. But I don't know how to prove that or again how it would help. The admitting psych mentioned autoimmune blood testing but I don't know how comprehensive they are going to be.
i don't have the energy or money to fight this all anymore. It feels like it's going to kill me.