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ladyt

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Everything posted by ladyt

  1. hey every one thanx for taking the time to respond. It feels like i am on the way out of the sea of selfpitty and owerwhelming sorrow. It did hit me hard this time. I gess when cronical ill it somthimes fell like a contiually griving prosses, over the life and possibilitys that are out of reach.. And when it stack upp whit bad news it can trou one totaly of. This thime it was bad new from doc, a wedding (the brid is like a sisterfor me) i cant go to (because of the plane trip), and inviting to diffrent events her at home and nobody coming to either. and my boyfriend being so fare away. and the lonlyness i try so hard to fight in the ways possible for me, ust swallowad me.. When i was healty i would go for a run ore clean my home whan sad. now I can only but a brav face on or cry. I ust needed to cry a bitt longer and more than i have in the past. Yesterday, i put on a "sad" cd and cryed my eyes out. I had been crying of on for a couple of days ahead, (i griev by ruls normaly ). Yesterday i ust let me swallow by the wawe, and it finnely pushed me back on shore ( i hope, fells like it now). And as sorry i am for all uf u having to strugggel whit this thing, i am happy to not be alone. Its so hard being around healthy people somthimes. well i gess thats a good thing being mostly a lone, i am not so much anymore, arond healty people that is.. sorry, i gess i am more me today, my wierd sencse of humor is back.. have a lovely day every one. and if our day is bad, i hope it turns soon. I am a bitt potsy now, so going to but er or another dvd on and ust spaceout...
  2. hi.. thnx for all uor respones. it is really nice to know that some one out there read my words. i would like to volentere, but i dont have the healt for it. I am hoping for a new entrenc to my home, so i can get more esy out (have ust got an elchair, but ust sitting in the garage for the time beeing.) i know there is hope , i know we all have burdens. And I am really really greatfull for the fact that I live in a contry of peace and plenty. because i see the news , a lot of horible things are happing out there in the bigg world. I have been a positive being , if life servce u lemons make limonade etc. I still mostly are, but i am starting to find it harder to enjoy the litle stuff. I feel so on the outside, so lonly. I Have tryed to talked, invite etc. I gess i could be more pushy and ask directly for help. But i feel i do what I can i that department right know. my partner have been gone for 4 weeks now, but hes soon back. i dont whant to burden him to much, but we do talk. The inlaws is , i dont know, they are so nice people. but the really healty ones, u know, the type of people that thinks that heavy peolpe ust are lazy. i know hat this situation i have to find my way out, like all the others. i ust feel so alone in it. and i am stuck here in my own home. But i have found out, that when and if i can i would like to be a prison visitor. I never been in a real one. but i know the felling of prison because of this thing. I am not belonging to any religion. but i do respect the ones that are, and understand that it can give great comfort. It is ust not for me. I have to turn to my self. I whant to grow , to gett stronger , to "find" myself. I dont whant to stop crying, stop feeling, ust be on the surface. i dont know.. i gess that is my real problem this days, i ust dont know.. I started to knitt, be on the computer, read(when abel), invite people, use a wheelchair, get a dog,try to be open, etc.. i have to turn this around, i know there are people that love me, they are ust bissy or and to fare away. And if some people dont see the true value in me (very person has a value, and i gess that include me), i gess that is there problem. Its ust for me to find away so that they cant hurt me as much.. And so be it that i spend most my days alone. that does not meen that i am a boring person (i dont do much either but so..?). I cant do the things i love most, but i can do some stuff i have learned to like(like knitting). And when my brain is not all fogged up, i am of normal iq so..=).. and it is the lilte positiv stuff one have to hold on to. like a sudden phonecall from some one dear to u, even if all the whant to do is vent etc. This got to be qouite long, and i gess all ower the place. Ust like i am at the time (and i am used to me so not like this)..=) sorry folks.. i hope u all have somthing to hold on to, even when its dark. that all
  3. hi.. I been strugeling whit this thing called dysatonomia for so many many years. And i have concluded that for me the worst is not the syndrom/illnes it selv that is worst its the consecvenses of it. And right now I am in a place where i feel that my options are bad. Its not that everthing is dark, because its not. in so many ways I still enjoy life. And I am greatfull for the good things. But that havnt prevented me from crying a lot this last couple of days. My selfesteem and confidence is draining away. I am so lonly, and i think my friends are ust so not much that anymore. And my inlaws, well i think they beliv there son/brother could do a lot better. My partner is a wonderfull person, but gon a lot. And a feel bad for being such a sickly litle creature, preventing him from having the life his friends are having. Its one thing that I am seldom invited anymore, i so seldome can go. but I try to have difrent type of events at home, a bitt hard when no one turns up. maby its my ditry home that scarse them away.. And then when u are finnely invited some where u have to turn it down because u cant go. i dont know, i gess life is hard one everyone, and one should count ones blessings. i gess i dont feel that bleessed right know. I am very solution oriented, but i am out of idees. and the ironic in all is that i like to be alone, i do. but its too much. I have to much time to my self. I ust whant to feel equal, whanted and liked. maby that to much to ask for. i dont now how to fix this. I dont whant to become the stange sick one, the one pittied, the usless one. i feel overwhelmed (sorry my spelling is soo bad). I always said what does not kill u make u stronger, i am not sure anymore. i dont whant to be bitter and pittie my self. ust like i dont whant the pittie of other, i ust whant to feel whanted. My friends and surandings are so bissy bissy, i am not in that way. they know, it feels like that make me a looser. i dont know if any of this made any seense at all . and if anyone read this, soory for the blues.
  4. I actually think that that there is more than one person out there that can be the "rigth" one.. even for cronicall ill persons..=) USt have to try to keep hope and and open mind to life (its not always esy)...And somthimes a good cry is ust the best ting to open up.. i somthimes burn my fears etc litterly.. write them down and burn them.. best of day to u all
  5. Hi.. Loved our responds morgan.. i did meet my partner when ill, I was in a small "better" window at the time. Meaning that i was abel to a bit sosial etc.. i told him early, and if i hadnt he still would have known caus of the fainting all ower bitt..=) He was actually the first one i talked about my illnes to, so he would know what he was entring ( he says he still didnt understand a bitt,had to know me for a long time to gett the pic).. He is a wounderfull man. And i have to confront my fear of himm leaving me caus of my illnes. I whant us to become parents, but i am to ill to be a mother, and soon the window closes.. He does not whant to discuss this topic (children).. but all relationships have its challenges.. Like being singel also have.. When it comes to internett dating i agree stronglee in being open at the gett go, not in detail, but ust mentioning it.. people dont like feeling desived.. I hope the best to u in relationships and u that are singel... love is all around..=)
  6. hey... lot of weird dreams of all sorts.. Also the fainting ones, not so fun.. Somthimes i dream that i se some one else faint.. Also dream a lot about my weelchair.. Remember oftn my draems best during the nights a weake up all night long.. My sleep is totaly of.. Dont seem to be abel to sleep throu the nigt due to a lot of stuff.. i dream of a good night sleep..=) i actually had one by mistake, tok two difrent sleeping aid by mistake, but that is not recommended.. So how do u handel insomnia and poor sleep..? w u all nice dreams
  7. Hi.. I tried to read all the repyies, but not abel to..sorry to u all for that. I love the spoonteori, i tryed it out whit and with out any luck.. its hard to open up and not be belived. but its nice when u do and u see that the other person suddenly realise that this is a bitt more complicated then ust fainting and bein a bitt tierd.. I try to be understanding when people go overbord on complaining on the flue etc,.. we all need to do that.. but when people compear a week ore two to years and years I get a litle confuesed.. People cant really be that ignorant.. Ore saying how they envie me so can sit all day doing nothing.. That hurts.. I try to be the bigger person.. but it is not always that easy.. have a nice weekend every one
  8. Hi..=)? So many wounderfull suggestions.. some I heard about, some I allreddy love, and others are unknown .. And the unkown one I will check into a day the fog is a bitt lighter and the body less troblesum.. ps Migithymouse if u liked couplings u would probebly love cold feet that is a similare type series from the uk.. cold feet I gess is a bitt more drama and serious, but very funny and lovely... And for listening book I am told that u can down load from the internett, I my self dont have a clue about such things but... have a wounderfuill day averyone
  9. hi.. my sweatting have never been like my peers.. like in gymclass my teachers always told me i was lazty caus i wasnt sweating.. After starting on gutron i started to sweat sometimes, and palms and feet more often.. I can be coold and my hands are dripping.. i gess whit this thing the body does strange tings, ust the way it is..=)like the hands doing dotted white and reed, and all the other weird stuff..=) I can say a lot of my body, but its not boring..=) a good day to u all
  10. Hi.. two great tips alredy.. ust have to se if I can find them here, or get me self a credit card so i can by online..=) And I love history, spesialy the history of women... no to long ago i read (well not finiched yet but) bold spirit, helga estbys forgotten walk across victorian america.. very intresting book.. And ust started the kite runner by khaled hosseini, thats esy (so far) to read, but this one i read in the norwegian translation.. thanks for the tips..have a lovely day u all
  11. Hi.. Ust whanted to know what people like to read and whatch, and recomendations on new stuff.. I love to read, but cant to much of it, caus of graying out etc, so i whatc more tv (flatscreen are more comfy for the eyes then the older tvs..=)) When it comes to dvd i have during the yrs gone trou many dvd shows, like er, house, sex and the city, six feet under, anne of green gabels,friends, 4400, and a lot more.. I whant to whatc more movies then i do, but I tend to by series caus u get more for the money..=), and its easyer to whatc often.. When it comes to books I used to read what ever I gould gett my hands on, now I try to be more picky, its wast of eyes to read a bad book..=) I have been in a jane austen period now... ust love pride and pred.. And I hope to read robert service book about lenin.. problem is its so tick, and my brain so fogged... Its so enoing to read and not remember.. And my memory was (if I remmber correctly..=)) so good.. well well, thats life..=) so what to u like..? and is there an esy, but good book out there..=)
  12. hi.. in my new home i have a bathtub, its ust sitting there teasing me.. my boyfriend are gone for weeks at the time.. And I have promised not to use it whit out him in the room.. I am a big fainter, so i know it would be a risky risky thing.. i hope to get to bath when he gets home.. Its make my body worse but better inn the same time... And if I am icy cold its so good.. But here is the thing i know one should not take hot showers and bath, but I am most of the time very insensitiv to heat in that way.. Like the whater will feel warm to me and very hot for my partner.. My worse "sine" has always been overdoing things and prettending am top top shape... Keping my living eara hot i dont consider a sin, it works for me.. Its worse for my body to be cold..=)
  13. hi.. had to give up cleaning . At one time it could take me a week to hover a very small room.. I ust had to realize my limitasion.. That means I have to live in a very dirty house also.. My partner is gone for long periods of time, and when his home, well housework isa not his favorite thing to do.. I wish the dust bunnies would go out the front door by them self..=) but all they seem to do is dublicate..
  14. Hi.. I am so sorry u are feeling this way.. it must be awfull.. I had a friend whit similar problem, whit time, help and confronting the issues she fully recoverd.. it was not done in a day.. she learned how to deal whit it by terapi (focust on solution and problem solving) And finding ways to safely push here self.. I do hope u gett the help and suport u need in this situation.. casper
  15. hey.. mine was so bad that I whent on pills to stopp them.. Where good desision for me..
  16. Hi everyone.. This is an intresting subject.. i have not been abel to read and "undrestand" everyones post on this link, sorry.. I am at an age that the clock is tikking (early 30s).. I dont have any children, and i whant to. But I can hardly take care of my self, how can ? then become a mother..? And what if I pass this one to the child..? I have read somewhere online that some women whit pots actually have gotten better during and after preg.. But i dont know if I am the gambling type.. I am trying to gett my healt in best posible shape, but.... And I dont know what my partner thinks, he dont whant to talk about it.. If i where to get preg, it would leave even more presure on him, and hi would have to get a new job (travels alot).. and Could we aford that..? sorry rambling now , but this is much on my mind.. and does not really have enyone to talk about it white..at leat not that might really understand..
  17. hi.. have had pots for a long time , but know very litle still.. My doc have told me that they cant do tests to find out why.. but on this site and link I gett the destingt feeling that u can.. When I have had ttt test I dont thing the tested anything other then brain, and blodpr.. Does any one know where to start the hunt for why..? ( had symtoms since litle, worsen by age) And how do u feel adrinelinish..? I have goten "High" on what I call adrinelin many many times, but i dont know if its that.. also have flushings (rest of body can be ice cold, and somthimes hole body) pluss all the other stuff.. have a nice day all of u...
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