My cardiologist referred me to Dr.X because I had a panic attack at a zoo after getting separated from my husband. I didn’t even think to call to reach for my phone. I sat down on the closest bench and willed myself not to cry. I guess sitting was enough of a rest to bring back some clarity because I remembered the phone in my pocket. But before I could even call, I looked up and there he was. He had come back for me. I was shaken to the core. This event became a part of my history and one of the factors in my dysautonomia diagnosis.
A few weeks earlier, Dr. X had ordered several head scans and a round of memory testing. The results were mixed. Physically there was nothing wrong that they could see in the MRIs but the memory testing showed I had some problems with recall and acuity. I knew I could not figure out how to put a tray of colored blocks into patterns fast enough. Sigh. She said, “ Too early, it’s too early for that for you”.
We talked about my life, what I had done, what I would like to continue doing and what was special to me. I needed to get my brain juices flowing again. I am not sure how she got me to think this was my idea but Dr.X is a master of beneficent persuasion. I told her I read every day, I love adult coloring and taking photos with my cellphone. I had set my fate; it was like that great line from Ghostbusters, “You have chosen the destroyer.” Well, I had chosen.
She liked me reading every day but suggested it should be non-fiction and subjects that are new to me. She liked adult coloring but only if I drew my own line drawings to fill in. Photography is a great hobby, but I needed to take photos in unfamiliar places. She also threw in making things by hand. I liked the thought of all of this and I accepted it. I think that accepting was the most important part. She recommended (with twists), what I already loved to do. Since I will be doing this forever, it is important to love your therapy.
I love gardening and horticulture and fully embraced university extension factsheets - short and sweet, info-laden pages about plants, animals, or foods related to our lives and environment. I average about a half-dozen a week. It’s amazing how fast you can tear through a few pages about the flowers, herbs, or pollinators you love. There are a zillion topics to choose from and all non-fiction. My other joy has been cooking new recipes from old cookbooks. Again, reading.
My thrift-store cookbook addiction has finally paid off. Right now I’m learning how to cook for my freezer which equals a fast and healthy dinner instead of take-out when I want to crash instead of cooking. Last week I froze polenta wedges and bags of cooked chicken strips I made on the electric grill. The week before I did some sweet potato puree and bags of chopped onions. I’ve got bags of frozen rice and cooked noodles tucked away. I make at least a dozen servings of each recipe so it’s worth the “spoons” I use for prep time. We’ve cut down greatly on takeout so overall this is a big plus. We eat a lot healthier and we keep our take-out money in our wallet. Please tip the cook.
Another big gain came from reading DINET’s Facebook feed. Not every article is about dysautonomia and I enjoy reading the personal perspectives. More than anything else, I’ve gotten an education in how dysautonomia affects our lives. I can now dialogue with my doctors and better explain to family or strangers what we experience.
Taking photos is easy - getting someplace new is not. My cardiologist already prescribed a daily walk -either outside or at the mall. I limit driving - no joy rides - just to the doctor or the supermarket across the street. I don’t go far. I park on top of the mall’s highest lot and took panorama shots of the skyline in the distance. I go downstairs and inside and take sienna tints of shoppers rushing by my bench. I go into to the dressing room and do a personal photo shoot of myself in fashions I would never buy. Well, not all the pieces! I take different photos of different things in different places. Mission accomplished. Each day I walk my two dogs separately (four walks a day!). I used to keep the phone in my pocket, but now it stays in my hand. I take pictures of what thrills me that moment - bark, molds, flowers, critters, clouds in the sky shaped like ducks. I usually delete more than I save - but the ones I save are keepers.
Neurotherapy can do more than give you clarity; it improves your life. You are better able to interact with people and the world again. I’ve heard knowledge is power, but in this case, knowledge equals confidence. I don’t know what I look like to strangers when I’m grasping for words. It bothers me deeply that people see me impaired. Do they think I’m drunk or witless? Am I allowed out by myself? But now, I no longer find myself searching so often for words in a conversation. I am not hesitant to speak because I can find many words in my head, not just the one I lost in thought. Being able to have a conversation go to its end is something so many take for granted. I did, too. Learning about my condition has given me a greater vocabulary. I have a larger arsenal of words and phrases to bring to mind when I am suddenly at a loss for a specific word.
In the last few months, I feel like the fog is clearing. I can recall discussions much better—I’m no longer asking my Hubs what he wants for dinner six times in a row. I think the last few months have been some of my most productive since my symptoms showed up three years ago. I’ve made advances in clarity and cognition. I can articulate better and I have more energy for “spoons” saved. We eat better and the dogs love it when I pick up that camera. And Hubs is sure happy--who doesn’t love a dinner like grandma used to make?!
Editor's note: AdultColoringBook_TrudiDavidoff.pdf Download and enjoy!
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