Toxic Relationships

[Guest tearose]

I have been soul searching. Is it possible that certain relationships in our lives may be toxic? I always believed the people in our lives are there for a reason. Everyone wants to be appreciated, loved and valued. We owe it to each other to be honest and open and work at our relationships.

Are there just some people we must let go of?

Are there really toxic people out there?

Does this mean we have become judgmental?

As I continue on my healing journey I just today realized that in my weakness and fragile time, I had chosen a sick person as a friend and let myself down a sad and twisted path. I can remember being more positive. I see now how I didn't share my strength but took on their illness. How could I have lost my sense of self? What the heck is that about.

Well, anyway, I did let go.

I feel sorry. For them, because they never allowed me to be me, they didn't bring out the best in me but instead planted the worst.

and I feel sorry for me for being so out of touch with myself that I now have to work through some deeper issues.

I pray this too will offer me some much needed balance and healing in my life.

tearose

[LilySnick12]

Tearose,

I believe that God allows people to come into our lives for a reason, a season or for a lifetime. Sometimes they come into our life for a short time. Maybe we need them, or maybe they need us. Than for no reason or through no fault of our own they leave. Sometimes we may even have to make the choice to let go.

I had a "well" friend who was blessed with good health for herself and her family and didn't get my daughter's POTS. She asked me what my daughter had done that was so bad that God was punishing her in this way! My reply: absolutely nothing!

I don't believe God spends the misery wheel and randomly chooses a victim or punishes us like that. I do believe God allows bad things to happen, even to good people. I know that he gives us the strength to endure even the most difficult events in our life and uses them for our good and His glory.

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

Your illness gives you a greater compassion for the suffering of others. You have probably offered advise, and given support or encouragement to another. Maybe our health information will lead the way for research to find a future cure. Sometimes we don't have any idea of the impact we've made on another persons life.

Long story short.....don't feel guilty about letting go! It's not cruel or mean: sometimes it's just plain self-preservation. If they are draining your emotional & physical energy it's harmful to your health.

Praying God will send you a true friend to cry with, share with, pray with and just pour your heart out to without fear of being seen as weak. A true friend loves you inspite of what illness you have or who you really are.

I'm always telling my daughter: POTS IS WHAT YOU HAVE.... NOT WHO YOU ARE! So you can define what it is or let it define who you are and who you become. The choice is always yours, choose wisely!

God bless you!

Paula

[corina]

tearose,

i remember some years ago when someone asked me what i missed most (she meant, of all things i wasn't able to do anymore) and i knew it right away: i missed myself. it was a very big loss for me to not being able to be myself with everything that was going on. now i'm a few years further and i think i'm almost back to myself again. i've come to the point where i like being me again, which i had lost for quite some time.

good luck on your healing trip,

love,

corina

what i forgot: i think that you can be a very good friend to others (and they WILL allow you to be) when you are best friends with yourself as well.

[morgan617]

I think people come into our lives for a reason, sometimes I am just hard pressed to figure out why, as if I don't have enough on my plate.

Toxic is toxic, whether it's a drug or a person. I don't know about anyone else, but I have lost all my friends due to my illness, and I think it leaves me open to toxic people, for that very reason.

I have become very careful about who I allow in my life and who I don't. I didn't use to be this way, but my health has forced this on me. What I have realized is, that this is not really a bad thing. I'd rather be lonely than used and hurt and then have to "detoxify."

Good for you teasrose, for having the strength to let go of a bad thing. Good people are out there, just waiting for us. It can just be a bit of a thorny path at times.....morgan

Corina, you are sooo right...I miss the old me somedays, but have come to terms with who I am now, and know I am trying to be the best person I can be, under the circumstances....

[thejohnsongang]

Tearose,

I am sorry for your loss. We all want to keep our friends, but sometimes you do have to let go...if for nothing else then for the better of yourself. It doesn't happen with just friends it also happens with family. I have had to give up my brother over the past several months and am struggling with my emotions about it. He is a selfish person who thinks only of himself and not how he or his actions affect others. His daughter, my niece, is now living with us. My life is to short and my goods days are far and few in between to let a person affect my life the way he has...in a negative way. I try to keep positive people around me so I can continue to grow as a person. There are others out there that can hold us back in life. It's the crab theory. In a pot of crabs that are boiling...as one makes it to the top of the pot to get out there is always someone there to pull him back down into their own misery. So I always try to be the crab on the top of the pot...not the one pulling others down with me.

I hope you find a way to deal with your feeling and continue to find positive people in your life.

Nolie