Eating Because I Am Depressed

[Ling]

I had a very long hard road these last few months. My health is getting very bad. I have e-mail and told you that I basically going to hospital every few months now. I have been in hospital 7 times since Britney was born. I have my next operation in fourteen days time. I now have a growth the size of a golf ball on my ovaries. This is giving me allot of pain. Plus I am now with out a contraceptive. I will be having the Mariana inserted in hospital this month. Due to the pulmonary embolism I survived I may never be on any form of a pill again.

None the less I have turned to Chocolate due to not being able to handle all of this emotionally any more. Plus I love motherhood more than I could ever explain. I thank the Lord every day for my angel. But how do you make peace with only having one child? After the amount of damage I have after the pregnancy we have decided it?s too dangerous to put my body through another pregnancy. But how do you emotionally make peace with this? How, how, how? I am gaining weight, which is horribly uncomfortable, but I don?t know how else to handle this emotionally.

All my specialist say this will all just stop one day. They say I have nothing more than bad luck at this stage of my life.

O boy. Chocolate eating depressed women. Help!

[mattsmum]

Hi Ling, truthfully nothing can fill that empty void of wanting another child. To make peace with myself I always tell myself how lucky I was to have one child. There's ALOT of people out there who cannot have any children at all. That and I love my son spoil him to bits show him every day how much I love him and be sooo grateful I have him. Chocolate always helps too. All the best.

Julia

[DSM3KIDZ]

Wow, you are going thhrough so much right now. I have 3 kids and am very blessed for that but my heart wants more. I always wanted a real big family with 4/5 kids. I had my kids all before the illness struck and was very heart broken these past 3 years that I couldn't see me being healthy enough to go through a pregnancy and even have the energy for another child. But somewhere along the time I got content with the situation and realized that if I have good days that I would give the 3 kids I have all my heart could give and focus on them and not on what I can no longer have. Yeah I could get preganant, their are no doctors telling me other wise but I would be so scared of getting sicker and having the three angels i already have having to suffer even more than they already do when I have days where I can barely function.

You have to try to keep your health stable for your beautiful daughter. What about future adoption. If my health ever gets stable that's what I would like to do.

I don't have any answers for you but I think I know what your feeling and you never know what the future holds maybe you will get healthy enough to conceive again or maybe you'll find contentment in being a mother to one child.

If the chocolate makes you feel better than enjoy, there are alot worse habits you could have.

How old is your daughter now?

Dayna

[Ernie]

Hi,

You mourn.

[corina]

hi ling,

ernie is right: you mourn. and there is nothing that can really help. it's that you have to get through this and it might take quite some time. thre's nothing i can say that will help, or maybe just to know that we are thinking about you might make you feel a bit better. in time you'll be at peace with this (i think that's what your doctors mean). i won't say that you should be happy with your one child, as i know how much you can long for another child.

just take the time you need to mourn about this, it is the one thing you need to do to come to peace. thank you very much for trusting all of us to share this emotional and very personal feeling.

i'll be thinking of you ling,

corina

(ernie: I wish I could be as short as you and find the exact right words to express what I mean!)

[dizzygirl]

oh ling.. i know you've had a really rough time.. wish i had words of wisdom for you.. but ernie has said it well... thinking of you.. lots of love linda

[MomtoGiuliana]

I understand your pain to the extent that I experience it too. You do need to go through the grieving process as others have said.

For me the pain comes and goes. There are times I feel content and other times I feel so much longing to have a 2nd child. I do realize that there are benefits to being an only child, and I keep that in mind at times I find myself contemplating our family size. I love my one daughter so, so much. I would not want to make a decision that would impact her negatively. Attempting another pregnancy might incapacitate me for months, years or who knows? She needs me. More than she needs anyone or anything in the world. She needs me to be as healthy as I can be. Sometimes it truly does help to pull myself out of my own situation and try to have a broader more philosophical (I guess) view of life and the world. I have friends who are unable to have children and I am certain that is far more painful than my experience. There are women all over the world who are unfortunately suffering great sadness and loss--due to war, famine, etc. If I can do small things to help others, it helps me deal with my own pain.

All that said, you cannot talk or work yourself out of depression, which often goes along with grief. You are going through a lot right now with your health problems and surgery. I hope you can get some counseling or other help to manage with all of these stresses.

Enjoy that chocolate--and your dear child.

[dsdmom]

Hi Ling,

I am so sorry for what you are enduring. Although I am new to the forum and don't know your whole story, there are a lot of similarities with mine. I had a little girl in November and then had several life-threatening complications, surgery after surgery, transfusion after transfusion, and finally a hysterectomy. I have been in and out of the hospital more than I like to remember - I barely saw my daughter for the first 3 months.

I, too, struggle with the idea that I can only have one child. I am only 30 years old and wanted several...I choke up just typing this. I love her so much and I try to make myself happy with just her, but it's hard.

Out of curiosity, when exactly did the POTS start for you?

Feel free to PM or email me.

Take care of yourself!

[thejohnsongang]

Ling,

There are no words for how you feel. I know that there are lots of women on this site that have had similar thing happen to them. Me being one of them. I have 2 beautiful kids 16 and 12. I had just recently gotten remarried and that's when my health took a turn for the worse. In and out of hospitals, back and forth to hundreds of doctors. In the end we opted for a hysterectomy instead of removal of my tumor as the chance of it returning were very high. My new husband and I were in the process of trying to have one more, together. Our plans changed. I was so mad, hurt, depressed...you name it and I felt it. As the years have passed, I have learned to endure the emotions I still feel about it. But over the years it has gotten better. I did what you are doing, turned to chocolate and other foods. I ended up gaining 50 pounds, but it was my way of dealing with it. Now that I look back I am grateful that I did not have another child. My health issues of dealing with all that I have and now having a 16 year old daughter with the same and more is more than I can handle at times. I feel like my 12 year old get left behind at times. I knew what I wanted all those years ago, but god was the only one who knew what was going to happen and he did not put more on me than I could handle. I've learned that in my life that things have happened for a reason...even if we can't see what they are.

My suggestion is to love your little one, spoil her to death. Then later if your situation changes, then look into having another baby. Adopt, get a surrogate, have a family member carry for you...etc. There are lots of options.

[Maxine]

I understand what your going through. My husband and I tried to have another child together, as my Son was born during my previous marriage. We wanted so badly to have one of our own. We gave up right around the time I crashed with my POTS at age 41. We tried for 8 years. My progesterone levels were nearly non-existant, and with treatment the levels didn't change--- My husband was checked for a problem first, and he was fine. We just love my son dearly who is now 26, and now expecting HIS first child, and his fiance has a little 3 year old girl from a previous relationship. We cherish her and love her with all our heart.

Your going through a grieving process, and it's perfectly natural to have the feelings your having. There's absolutely nothing wrong with eating a little chocolate. Do you like Dark chocolate? That is supposed to be good for you-- I eat chocolate, but very little, and it's usually semi-sweet/dark. However, I don't like to eat when depressed. I usually have a little chocolate as an energy boost-------OR JUST BECAUSE I LOVE CHOCOLATE-----------and it's yummy. I know CHOCOLATE didn't make me gain weight. It was the meds, as I could never eat enough to gain weight--------------but I'm sure the inactivity doesn't help matters. Although I don't eat very much, I know small amount of high carb foods can add up, so I try to avoid that, and it has help shave off a few pounds.

We also grieve the life we once had----dancing, walking miles at a time, shopping for hours, going to the Zoo-------drinking a couple margaritas on Friday night after an accomplished week of hard work ect...........

Don't be too hard on yourself dear, this stuff isn't easy to deal with. I have to go to therapy or I would have lost my marbles by now............

Sending you a big hug.

Maxine :0)

[bgsu4]

You mourn, pray and lean on your friends and family. My wife and I are struggling with this right now and we are so ready to begin a family. I'm 34 and my wife is 31 and we have decided it would be much to hard for her to work and have a kid when my health is so up in the air. I hope somehow you will find comfort and peace with the situation.

[JenniferInOhio]

Ling ~ what you are feeling is perfectly normal. I remember reading about your pregnancy and then what happened afterwards. So scary. I have 2 children and still long for another. I don't know if it ever goes away. I have days and weeks where I am okay with our decision, and other days where I am sad and try to talk my husband into having another one. The risk is not something I am willing to take, though. The bottom line is that I have to think of the 2 daughters that I have - they need a mommy. I hope that you will have some peace with your situation in the future.

[njfainter42]

Ling, as I've posted a little on the boards that I am longing for a daughter..I have a biological 7 yr old son but fear my health will go down if I get pregnant again. I am looking at adopting but if I doesn't work out I will focus on enjoying him and get pleasure from nights out with friends/ the fact that I've stabilized right now and my problems with neck/back pain are better than they were. I am able to enjoy life without the regular fear of passing out in public. I haven't looked at surrogacy yet...the adoption research is so tiring but there are other choices. I was told Korea would not accept my condition but I know there are countries that will allow me to adopt.

Edited May 31, 2009 by flop
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[dsdmom]

Ling,

I am so sorry - I feel your pain. I had terrible complications after the birth of my first child and after weeks of awful experiences ended up having to have a hysterectomy. Definitely was not on my list of things that I thought would happen at 30 years old with one child. And all you can do is mourn. And be angry. And scream. And cry. For me,a lot of therapy and talking about it has helped. It does get better but I still have pain there - I love my daughter so very much but had always wanted more than 1 child. The worst is when people tell you "well you can always adopt." Yes, you can, but that's NOT the point!!!! Unfortunatley people don't understand unless they've been through it themselves.