Starting to write my biography

[Ernie]

I am starting to write my biography today and every time I start to type I cry. My first chapter will start the day I got chronically acutely sick, December 12, 2000. This is the day 95% of me "died". Now I have to rebuild 100% of myself with the remaining 5%. What a challenge!

This is a project I have been postponing for years and now is the right time. What I find difficult is to go back in time and relive the nightmare.

I have been denying how sick I am for the past 4 years and make believe that I am on top of everything. Good defence system! So now I am just about to face up with myself and it is very very scary.

Any kind words would be greatly appreciated.

Ernie

[purplefocus]

Ernie,

Writing this may be exactly what you need. Writing can be a great therapy. I went thru a nitemare of a marriage and divorce several years ago and I started writing poetry..........most of them was about what had happen. Even though most of the poetry wasn't pretty it actually helped me get my deep feelings out. It made me feel alot better. Maybe writing will help you. I know it is an emotional thing. I still have days that I refuse to believe this has effected me and I think I will go back to work but then the next day it hits and I am on my butt. Why not just try, if it gets to hard then put it back for awhile and try again. I think if you can eventually write it, you will be proud and also it could help others. What have you got to lose.

Paige

[Merrill]

Ernie, I agree with everything Paige just said! Writing can be very therapeutic indeed! And what a story you have to tell...

I hear what you're saying too about how hard it is to go back (emotionally) to where it all began. Here's one thought: If you're having trouble starting to write because you're writing about a most difficult time, start with a story you're equally familiar with but that has a very positive spin ... your recent graduation! You can include flashback in your autobiography of course, or just rearrange the pieces later on.

Stories, even those that are told in chronological order, are not always written in that order. When it comes to writing, the process is all yours! Start with a piece of the story you are comfortable telling and writing about. The rest will come once the words start to flow.

Best of luck to you in your journey toward healing.

m

[michiganjan]

Dear Ernie,

I am amazed at you. Go for it!

I am a writer. I have had one young adult novel published by Macmillan, I have an ebook novel out for grown-ups, and I have a non-ficiton book in print for schools.

I have thought about writing my autobiography, but just can't get into it, so I congratulate you on your ambition and wish you all the sticktoitness in the whole world. That is my downfall. That and the fact that my own life either bores me because I've been here, done that, or makes me sad when I have to focus on everything I have lost. So you are taking on a really tough job, but anyone who could get that diploma while fainting at regular intervals can do most anything.

I am sending you encouragement, encouragement, encouragement!

Michigan Jan

[ethansmom]

Ernie,

I think this is a great idea! I've often wanted to do it myself, but can never find the time to actually start, let alone finish, lol. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavor, and I agree that you should start with the bits and pieces that come to you first...and build on them. It will be emotional, but writing is an intense outlet of emotion that can be very healthy. Good luck, and I hope we'll all get the pleasure of reading it one day

[Ernie]

Thank you for being there for me and for understanding what I am doing. It means so much.

I wrote the first 5 days of my acute phase and I had to take a nap because I was exhausted and could barely be a couch potato. I hope it won't be as difficult every time I write it.

Paige:

I am sorry that you had a nightmare marriage and a difficult divorce.

Part of the reason I want to write my biography is for self therapy. It will be a difficult journey with ups and downs but I think that in the long run I will get something out of it.

Merrill:

You are right. I will have to go back and forth with some parts of my life. My graduation day was the day I was the happiest in my whole life.

Michigan Jan:

Congradulation on your success. I did not know you are a writer. The link between doing my degree and writing my biography is a good point.

Ethanson:

I will publish my biography. I give myself 2 years to write it.

Maybe you will have more time to write your biography when your son goes to school.

Good night

Ernie

[MightyMouse]

Ernie, GO FOR IT!

I know the emotions can be tough to ride out, but even if you write just for yourself, it can be theraputic. I used to keep a journal--and I cried while writing many parts...and still do when I re-read them. It's part of being human, living through loss. Gotta get it out if you want to have room left inside for the good stuff (at least that's my take on it).

Nina

[corina]

Ernie

I'm really sorry you feel this way, but hey what I great idea. I did some writing myself and though I cried my writingbook all wet (which made it very difficult to write ), it helped me in the end.

What also helped me very much is saying goodby to my-old-self. I made myself a box inwhich I put all the stuff that reminded me to the things I'm sure I can never do again. I put my tennisracket and a ball in it, as well as my rollerskates (with which I'm sure this all started) some pictures of me and my kids running on the beach and all that kind of stuff. When I'm sad or when I just want to, I open the box and take a look at it. Now I can work on my new self, who is totally different from my oldself but just as good and I think I will become even stronger.

Hope this writing of your biography helps you (maybe not just right now but in the end). Wishing you the best,

Corina

[Dawg Tired]

Ernie, I have done the same thing. I found it to be very therapeutic. I also cried a lot as I was remembering the life I had before. There are excerpts on my website; I cant; decide at what point to end the story but I intend to start submitting it to publishers soon. Best of luck on this endeavor!

What a talented bunch we have here!

[Ernie]

I am on my 4th day of writing my biography. I did not need to take a nap today. I am getting the hang of writing and I am starting to enjoy it. I give myself 2 years to complete the whole project.

Thanks for encouraging me.

Nina,

Yes, I want to make place for the postive stuff. I have a big clean-up to do but I am willing to do it.

Corina,

I like your idea of putting what you can't do in a box and looking at it once in while. I might try it myself.

Dawn,

I want to end mine on a positve note, ie Researchers find my etiology and the proper medication! I like this dream.

[Guest Julia59]

Ernie,

I'm so happy you have decided to do this!!!! I was having a bad day today----still went to my brothers for the 4th-------but still a very bad day. Now my day has ended with happiness----because of you. You are such an inspiration to me.

WOW----DEC 12th 2000 was the day it all began for you. You are only 7 days apart from when my nightmare started---Dec. 5th 2000. What you are doing will benefit you in many ways. And it will also inspire so many who have gone through the same thing---or similar to it. Just look at everything you have accomplished. Keep thinking of that when you write---it will keep you strong.

I remember those first four months. I used to beg my son to sleep on the floor in front of the TV because I was scared I would die. Of course I didn't, but it sure felt like it at the time. My husband was so tired working so much--plus going to school, so at time's I looked to my son for support. There was no other support for me at the time.

Wow----things have changed from that time--------for the better. I was going somewhere in my car one day last year and noticed the journal I wrote in during the darkest days. It was so strange to reflect back to that time---to see my deepest fears in black and white. Although it was strange---it gave me a kind of closure to the bitterness I was holding inside.

I wish you the best with your autobiography----------KEEP WRITING.

I'm so glad we had the chance to meet when you came to see Dr. Grubb.

Also glad you were able to make it to the conference.

Take care,

Julie :0)

[Ernie]

Hi Julia,

Thank you for your kind words. It encourages me to know that I am an inspiration. I am glad that I made you feel better.

I was sure I was going to die during the first months also because I had severe diarrhea and was getting dehydrated. Good thing my aunt pushed me to get medical help because I could not think properly and figure out that I was that sick. It's strange to read what I felt at that time. I never realised that my life would change that way.

I feel privileged to have meet you when I went to see Dr Grubb. You give so much of yourself and your husband was very nice also. I really appreciated going to the conference, getting more information and meeting more people. I remember that night I was constantly on the edge of fainting and I had to concentrate so hard just to remain conscious. I was glad that you were taking care of me. I would have never gone alone.

I hope that we will have a chance to meet again.

Ernie

[purplefocus]

Ernie,

Hey, I just remembered something. Right after I was first diagnosed before I was aware of this site, I went to bookstores searching for anything I could find on this illness. I could not find one single thing in the store, I did have an employee to look up dysautonomia and found a few books that they could order. The thing is if I would have found a book written by someone that had gone thru this and could have found my own symptoms in someone else I don't think I would have been as terrified. So see "WHEN" you get published you will help so many people.

Paige