Venting

[Wufflebear]

Back in september my boss let me go to part time... actually 37 hours/week but then I lost all my paid time off. Well as of November 1st, we were in pretty dire straights financially so I went back to full time and I am no longer enjoying feeling good.

Yesterday I took my daughter to the local pottery shop so she could paint up some holiday presents, then we came home and got a shower, then while she typed/played on the computer I mopped the floor in the bathroom and got that "uh, oh" feeling. So I laid down and felt horribly nauseous. By dinner time I just choked down my dinner and asked my husband to do bed time. My daughter has had a cold and started throwing up after she went to bed, and as my husband was at the other end of the house I was the one who got up to help her. I did manage to get her to the bathroom before everything went dark. I laid down by my own power and then went out briefly. Then my 5 year old was standing next to me asking me "mommy, does it hurt?" "Mommy does it feel really bad?"

Talk about a mothers desire to force oneself back to normal-ness.

My husband did the clean up after announcing "Just tell her to stop throwing up." Yea, like that works...

I crawled back to my bed and tucked her in and we talked about it for a while and then she went back to her own bed.

At 1 am she was back in my bed cause she "wanted to take care of me". I let her stay for a while but unfortunately after I black out I get a nasty headache and sometimes stabbing chest pains and other pains everywhere else... So she was not going to be able to sleep well in my bed.

This morning she kept holding on to me. I asked her why and she said "well mommy if you fall backwards, I will push you forwards." lol

So we had another talk.

I hate feeling this way.

[Dawg Tired]

So sorry... I know how frustrating it can be trying to explain things to a child. It seems that when you try to explain they get more scared than they were to begin with!

Vent all you need.... So sorry you are feeling poorly again - it is SOOOO frustrating to think you are on an unswing then realize it was only a temporary stop.

[Kitsakatsa]

My mother has been sick with one thing or another my whole life. She works way to hard (as it sounds you do) and I remember being worried about her in much the same way, as you describe, when I was a child.

While it is true that I should not have needed to worry about that, or stay up nights with her, the experience tempered me into possessing qualities I can only describe as gifts.

You see, while it added a level of worry to my little mind; it also added compassion. After all, it was the way that my mother handled the illnesses with grace and responsiblity that evened out the tide of concern that I had for her. I'm sure that you've had an open discussion with your little one so that there isn't a scary mystery about your illness. My mother had us do fun things together when she felt well and she was quick to laugh about her ailments. Because of the way that she handled it, I don't feel dented in a bit. We have a great relationship and I've learned, from her, to have the strength to face POTS.

I don't know if you are worried about your daughter, but you should know from someone who was very much in the same position that I feel these early experiences have made me a stronger adult.

Hugs,

Kits

[Wufflebear]

Thank you! Yes, I do worry about how my daughter understands things. I dont want her to be scared about it. I try to find the light side of things..saying I am a weeble wobble, making a game of running to the couch and hugging it cause we are so glad to see it. etc.

But making fun of it when my symptoms are "partially hidable" and dealing with it in front of her when I have to totally cow to it... is different.

Kitsakatsa, It sounds like your mother is a wonderful, strong person! May we all have such grace.

Yes, I was so enjoying the extra energy I had after I reduced my hours.. It was like I suddenly had the energy to be a real mom, wife etc. Now I feel like I am forever robbing peter to pay paul in the energy department.

Thanks for letting me vent. It helps!

[Guest dionna]

i read your story, okay parts, it was really too long for just one sitting... but what i gathered is that--- you truly are a strong person and i know that you will find the right words to help your daughter based on how wonderfully written your story is. you seem to have a way with words. i also see that you are doing a fine job in raising your daughter, by seeing how much see cares for you even when she herself is so sick. you truly are blessed and i can only wish for the same when it is time for me to have little youngsters.

dionna

[Aprilmarie52]

I know how you feel. Im going down to part time. I just cant seem to stay well this fall. First a cold which turned into broncihits, then strep and now Ive got this coughing chest thing. I've been on two different antibiotics this month. Im hoping that working less will help my body to build back my immune system. My little on is only 22 months old, so she laughs when I lay on the floor with her. Im not sure what Im going to tell her when shes older.

[Tammy]

My mom was sick freqently growing up also and I got use to hearing the BP kit beeping in the middle of the night when she was feeling sick, even though she didn't say how she was feeling, I knew something wasn't right. She never really explained to me what was wrong, as I don't think she really knew, but would just say that "mommy wasn't feeling well and needed to lie down". I also worried about her often, but I think it made me a very compassionate, caring person.

[Lukkychrm42]

Hi,

I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry, and that I realize it must be very difficult. Sending you lots of hugs!!!!!!

[bttrflyamby1981]

Bless her heart!

I understand how you feel though! My 3 year old son is the care giver when someone doesn't feel well. Usually me.

[MomtoGiuliana]

I also understand. On days I don't feel well my 4-year old daughter gets concerned. This is natural and as others have said, the experience does not have to be negative for the child. Children learn compassion by caring for someone besides themselves and experiencing that other people can feel badly/hurt/etc. I believe we try to shield children too much in our society/culture from the realities of life. Children are more resilient than we give them credit for, especially if they are raised in a loving home, as your daughter clearly is. If our children can learn a little about our condition and understand that it is not life-threatening, I think that will help put them at ease.

My daughter, bless her heart, saw me taking my medication the other day (as usual) and asked me when she can start taking medicine every day.

Katherine