Jump to content

I'm About An Inch Away From A Nervous Breakdown!


Guest Julia59
 Share

Recommended Posts

Oh my Julie...

You've got to put yourself first my dear.. I know that it is hard to do b/c lets face it your family is your family.. But you have got to remember that you cant fix a dysfunctional person if they DONT want to be fixed.. orthey dont want the help..i think that i might be able to help you inregards to faimly parental messiness.. but i wont elaborate now.. i will call you and well talk k..

as far as your nephew is concerned..keep offering him support.. and let him know if he needs a way out that you and ron are there..(i will call you about this one k)

Emotional stress is going to effect your dyatuonomia greatly... you've been dealing alot lately dear.. and things came to a head..

With such emotional stress Julie sometimes you've got to just kind of give ( i dont mean give into it as like your giving up.. I mean give into waht you are feeling at the time deal with it feel it and process it.. then release it).... into the emotions in order to deal with.. and i know that is very scary and is not going to make you feel so hot.. but i think in the end it might help you..have a good cry.. and call upon those in your life who are truly supportive of you in all aspects of your life.. and understand and care and who are not going to judge you.. and just let you be you...sometimes you have got to walk thru the bad stuff.. in order to heal from it..and i know that that is very hard to do..

give davis a call..if you dont come down from this attack soon... I'm sure he can be reached on the weekend in the event of an emergency.. so dont heistate to call him.. or call him first thing monday morning...

hang in there Julie dear.. and i'll be in touch k.. hang in there.. and try and relax.. and calm down.. call me if you need too k i emailed you my new phone number..

Big love and hugs

linda

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest dionna

julie,

i'm not sure what to tell you. i know i have had my family has had a lot of problems too, but in the end everything works out. lately i have had a lot of death in the family so that is spreading the family and bringing some of it together. when my grandma died, my younger brother totally flipped and he refuses to come around the family. when i wasn't living at home my mom would call me all the time worried about me but then she would say i was lying to her about everything, which i wasn't. she threatened that i would never be welcome home again... here i am in the house right now. everybody kept on talking about how much they missed me and how they all wanted me to come home... i'm here. i sit all by myself everyday- no one visits me. they all want my money though. when i am around my parents... they are always complaining about something. they promised me that they would take me to the doctor. i have been here since may... i have yet to see a doctor! i'm not allowed to do anything. mom kept talking about how she wanted to take me to the beach and how great it would be... so much fun!... they are going to the beach but i'm not invited and was specifically told i can't go- they are taking my cousin instead. so again i will be left alone. i can't wait until my man gets out of the military! he's going to kidnap me! we will go back to where he is from then. he is the only one who really, truly supports me. i guess it helps that he is sick too, but atleast we understand each other. even though you and i don't have the exact same thing going on... i just wanted to let you know that you aren't totally alone. right now i am having a hard time with being ill in this heat... and being alone. i feel like i am in solitary confinment... but exactly what am i being punished for? hang in there julie. i wish you only the best! :blink:

dionna :o

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Julie, I am so sorry you have to go through this. I am sure this will take so much out of you, but I wonder about the toll on your health from having to deal with your family?

I have had to sever ties with my family, I did it 2 years ago and there is a time of grieving. I so badly wanted to support my family and for them to love and support me back. It just did not ever happen and I just kept waiting for the day it would. It never came. When I finally stood up and spoke a few truths, I was shot down and crushed by them and they rejected me and my own family. It hurt so much, but then I realised that I felt so much better without the contact that used to leave me so upset. I still had all my POTS symptoms, but I found I could start focusing on my own children and husband and most importantly, on me. This was so long overdue and I am still taking only small steps as a whole life of being fitting in with their wishes is hard to change. You will recover, you can give your support to your nephew (he may not take your advice, but just knowing someone is on your side is so reassuring) and lean on those relatives who are supportive of you. It's not perfect, but it is realistic. Be prepared for the recriminations and guilt trips, mine are still doing it. On a positive note, my brother contacted me recently and we had a nice afternoon with both families. The big difference was that I had no expectations of him and made no promises of myself. We just enjoyed each other's company and some time later we may meet up again. It felt great. Better days will come, be kind to yourself, ask for help and hang in there. You can pm me anytime you want.

Hugs

Suzanne

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest tearose

Hi Julie!

I hope you are not shaking anymore. You hopefully wore yourself out and fell asleep.. :blink:

Hey, family is like dealing with POTS...we didn't ask for it and we do the best we can!

I am sorry you feel so serious about this insult by the family. It is hard because you want to be part of the group and you get little respect! You can't be so hard on yourself. You felt you needed to share a "truth" and the family wants to interpret it badly. You can't always make people "see" what you see and you will make yourself sick if you don't lighten up on yourself!!! This is not your problem really. It is you being true to yourself and them, "not understanding". Do you have a way of interacting with the family that is somewhere in-between total avoidance and getting your words and actions squished? Since you say you want to have family in your life...you have to either find a way of interacting that doesn't crush your spirit OR, create a new surrogate family where you can be yourself.

I have both cut down on my family activities and created a new circle of friends who are like-family.

Your nerve endings don't need this stress! Please drag your body out of bed and over to the nearest closet and use that energy to clean out the closet!!! This will be "healing therapy" and you will burn off your frustration, think things through while being productive and will wind up with a tidy closet!!!

take care,

tearose

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Julia :o

You have to let all this involvemnet with them go. A long time ago, I divied up my friends and family into who cares and who doesn't and I am telling you it works!

My problem lies with my husbands family. I still attend family functions but on a very limited basis. I do not argue, give advice or allow ANYONE to do the same to me. I just can't afford it. I will not allow myself to get upset over something or someone that does not have my best interest at heart. I don't tell them how I am feeling, doing or anything that leaves me open to them. We can now enjoy each other if the topics stay on the weather, 'what's new' and share positive information. I 'zone out' when derogatory comments come up about others and refuse to add anything to the conversation, as a matter of fact...I will go and talk to someone else or leave, feigning something to do. I simply cannot afford to get upset over someone elses ignorance, negativity or simple meaness.

My husband, children and myself come first. It has to be that way because my health, vunerability and my validation with this disorder are so fragile. I will protect them at all cost.

Family fight? Don't call me. Settle it yourself and don't even ASK me to take sides or even listen to the stupid way it got started. Because that is all it is. Some people have nothing better to do than cause trouble for the rest of the family. I remain on neutral ground at all times. There are lots of people out there that have to make others look bad so they look good. You know the ones....they are miserable themselves and try to make others that are happier, feel bad. When asked how I am feeling...I always answer 'not bad' and then ask them how that are doing. They have very little knowledge of what is going on in my life and I prefer it that way. No ammunition for when I leave the room.... They don't really care anyway about how I feel. I do not allow my husband to tell them even when I am in the hospital. The last thing I need at that point is someone there gathering 'dirt' :blink:

This is my battle with this horrible illness and those that care are always standing behind me. I discuss this illness with very few people, so my backers are few but there for me. I would rather have a few good solid backers than a large platoon with turn-coats in them.

Sorry to ramble on Julia but it REALLY DOES WORK.... Stay in contact with your family but on a very limited basis. Keep it limited to positive contacts. First sign of negativity...look at your watch or tell them over the phone 'Look at the time!....gotta go.......' Trust me... the first few contacts are going to be VERY short and far between....and that is for the better. They will catch on very quickly.

We have a wedding coming up next month and just like the last one....I will be there with a nice gift, enjoy a good meal....talk to the 'nice' people, dance a couple dances with my hubby and then leave. I will always say hello and how are you to the trouble makers but not engage in any negativity with them.

I am regarded as the really nice sister-in-law and aunt. I cannot solve their problems but I can offer a positive comment and best wishes for them. I cannot get involved with their dysfunctional destructive ways.

So sorry to ramble Julia, hang in there and take care of yourself!

Thinking of you,

Maggs

Link to comment
Share on other sites

((((hugs))))

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I hope you are at least a bit better today. Families can go either way just like any relationship. A positive thing is that you were not afraid to stand up for someone/something. You let your Mom and the rest of the family know how you felt. I'm sure Mom knows after all these years on how to "get to you". It sounds easy to say to not let her get the best of you but that is what you must try to do. Put yourself first. This is your life now and while there are some things you cannot control, there is alot that you can.

You laid out some feelings that you felt needed to be said about your nephew, out of genuine concern.

Emotional upsets tend to make my heart race and make me feel yucky and no amount of meds seem to help. The only thing for me is riding it out. I hope you have done this part already and are better today.

I like to say the old God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. It certainly is hard to do the first two and to the know the last!!

I am glad you have such a supportive husband, that is also who I rely on the most. Thank goodness they understand.

:blink::o:D

Be good to yourself/do something nice for yourself today!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Julie,

As I read your post, I just wanted to cry. I got so emotional over what your going through.

I am trying so hard to think in my head the best things to say to just make you feel better and I realize that no matter what I type, you probably wont.

I just want you to know that you have the support of everyone in here (im speaking for everyone, and i know they agree) and your husband is now the most important person in your life.

Your mom, dad, brothers, they used to be the most important, and it sounds like you never felt like they felt the same about you. But now you have grown smarter and you have someone like your husband to just completely take over whatever role they SHOULD have played in support for you.

The anxiety and stress and then pots is sometimes so overwhelming. Because if we have stress, our symptoms get worse!! Its not like we can just shut off our emotions and feelings and suddenly make our symptoms go away (wouldnt that be nice though)

People that dont have POTS just really dont understand what we truly go through. In my life personally, I have always felt as if my dad and sister really dont understand POTS or seem to care that I have it. They are beautiful people, but when it comes to me having POTS, its almost as if its just not talked about.

My husband really supports me and my having POTS but at the same time, i can tell that he gets frustrated when i got really symptomatic. We have a soon to be one year old and he has to take care of me and my son when im sick.

So I can understand a little bit what your going through and I just want you to know that your not alone. If your family choose to treat you that way that you can make the choice to shrug them off and realize that your husband is your life now. One day one of them might get sick or have a disease and they might suddenly understand what your going through more, but they dont deserve your kindness right now and I dont think you should waste your hard earned energy on supplying them with any.

I hope that as you read this, you understand that its going to be ok and dont have a nervous breakdown because then you will just get sicker and then "they" win.

GOD BLESS

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Julie,

I can relate with you 110%...The only ppl I bother with in my family are my mom, sister, and grandmother, and there are ALOT of issues with my mom I deal with. As for the rest of the family, my aunts always favored my sister (until they had a falling out)....

Things have always been hard for my mom, sister, and I...My mom never had a license due to having Epilepsy and now she is Legally Blind. SO my grandmother would have to drive us to apptmts, etc. Thus my aunts and uncles said that my grandmother favored us blah blah blah...Theres way more to the family problems than this (my uncle calls me a dead beat who doesn't want to work, blah blah blah...I'm sure you get the just of it) but thats a part of it.....It's funny though, that my aunts and uncles can't deal w/o having a car for one freakin day...Could they ever imagine how things were for my mom esp. having 2 little kids at the time.....Alot of that has had a huge affect on my mom, so she deals with PTSD as well as other stuff and I get the brunt of it......Sigh........

Anyhow, I find that a journal helps a big deal. You can do it online too if y our afraid of someone finding it, like I always was. For a free one you can get one at www.livejournal.com. That's where I have a journal and you can add friends to your list and they can view your journal or you can set it up so it's private and only you read it.

I like it alot because some entrys I have set for my friends to read, esp when I'm feeling down and don't feel like explaining things, but then some entrys I have set to private so no one can read them but me....Anyhow if anyone signs up let me know so I can add you as a friend if you would like.

Anyhow, Julie, I know it's hard but hang in there....I also have a therapist who agrees with me about not wanting to bother with most of my "family."

Jacquie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Julie..GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! your mom :) smoke blowing out my ears!!!!!!!!!!!

that just is not right.. that mom of yours! boy does she need some psycho therapy!...you are far from a snobby person! you and your husband are very kind people... I never had the impression that either of you where snotty.. or fake for that matter...

you can try letter writing.. I know i;'ve done this in the past and weather or not you mail the letter or not to the person you are writing too.. you are getting the true raw emotions out..... its a good tool in helping deal with things.. sounds like that counselor from back in 1962 saw the true mom that you where seeing??

hang in there Julie dear!!

love and hugs

dizz

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Julia59,

I have sent you a private message to your box.

I hope that this will help you in some way, I am here if you need me.

willows.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is going to be long, but my therapist gave me this the other day and I keep getting it out and re-reading it over and over again.

Here goes

Personal Bill of Rights

1. I have numerous choices in my life beyond mere survival.

2. I have a right to discover and know my child within.

3. I have a right to grieve what I didn't get that I needed, or what I got that I didn't need or want.

4. I have a right to follow my own values and standards.

5. I have a right to recognize and accept my own value system, as appropriate.

6. I have a right to say "no" to anything when I am not ready, it is unsafe or violates my values.

7. I have a right to dignity and respect.

8. I have a right to make decisions.

9. I have a right to determine and honor my own priorities.

10. I have the right to have my own needs and wants be respected by others.

11. I have the right to terminate conversations with people who make me feel put down and humiliated.

12. I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings, or problems.

13. I have a right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.

14. I have a right to expect honesty from others.

15. I have a right to all of my feelings.

16. I have a right to be angry at someone I love.

17. I have a right to be uniquely me, withoug feeling I'm not good enought.

18. I have a right to feel scared, and to say "I'm afraid."

19. I have the right to experience and then leg got of fear, guilt, and shame.

20. I have a right to make decisions based on my feelings, my judgment, or any reason that chose.

21. I have a right to change my mind at any time.

22. I have a right to be happy.

23. I have a right to stability - ie., "roots" and stable healthy relationships of my choice.

24. I have the right to my own personal space and time needs.

25. There is no need to smile when I cry.

26. It is okay to be relaxed, playful and frivolous.

27. I have the right to be flexible, and to be comfortable with doing so.

28. I have the right to change and grown.

29. I have a right to be open to improve communication skills so that I may be understood.

30. I have a right to make friends and be comfortable around people.

31. I have a right to be in a non-abusive environment.

32. I can be healthier than those around me.

33. I can take care of myself, no matter what.

34. I have the right to grieve over actual or threatened losses.

35. I have the right to trust others who earn my trust.

36. I have a right to forgive others and to forgive myself.

37. I have the right to give and receive unconditional love.

Taken from "Healing the Child Within" by Charles R.Whitfield, M.D.

I too have a long history of family problems and was always made out to be and was called "The Golden Child" by my other siblings, because I was the one that never tried to cause problems and always tried to keep the peace.

After I got sick there were a lot of things that I couldn't do for my family anymore and guess what? They are learning to do things on their own and it is not killing any of them.

The list of "Rights" above really helps me get by some days though. I hope this helps.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for this, I found it really helpful and have printed it off. I need to affirm these rights myself as I find it all too easy to give in to others so they are getting what they need, at my expense. It is even harder to be assertive when you are not well as you feel that you are putting people out already, so don't want to make any more demands. However, in the end, you can only be responsible for yourself, so I am going to try and live these rights daily. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...