This Is New To Me.

[garycooper]

hi. this is all new to me as i am in a relationship with someone who has POTS. how can i be most supportive without feeling overwhelmed. she says she loves me and there are days she seems to want to be with me but others where she acts as if i am very unimportant. are mood swings a symptom of POTS and how can i best deal w/them. she has told me that her symptoms are not severe, she is still working but has little energy left for a relationship. thanks for any and all replies.

[Beccapooh]

You poor little kitten! I'm going to ask my husband to type a reply to you, if you don't mind!!

Yes, mood swings are a big part of this crappy disease!!!

Good luck on your journey!

Bec

PS - Try to be patient. I'm sure that if she says that she loves you, then she does!!!

((((HUGS)))))

[BEE]

Hi..I just want to say that for me I definitely get moody when my symptoms are intolerable and not easy to ignore. It isn't anything personal to the people around me it is just is very frustrating to deal with. I give you alot of credit for asking about this.

Good luck...Belinda

Remember patience is a virtue..

[bttrflyamby1981]

You are so sweet to want to be supportive of your girl!

I'm envious..

This is a great start! Listening to others may help you understand what she's dealing with.

Amber

[Aprilmarie52]

I definately get moody when I dont feel well. For me it has alot to do with the fact that I feel crappy and there is nothing I can do about it. Maybe you should talk to her about how you are feeling.

[shayden]

OK...you must be in love.....

Mood swings are a terrible part of POTS. It's hard when your entire life changes because of a condition that is so rare & then because it is so rare...we have to deal with all the ignorance in the medical & professional world.

Just be there for her....support her...and arm yourself with knowledge. To me...it means so much when someone actually takes an interest in my conditions and does research on them to try to understand.

One more thing...from my own personal experience with the men in my life....accept it now that you can not "FIX" this. It will only drive your girl crazy and you will be left disappointed.

Good luck and I truly admire you for coming on here and talking about this....

Susan

[dano2718]

As a guy with POTS, I can concur that the fatigue does get in the way of having the energy to feel like you are contributing to a good relationship. My last one ended after I started getting symptomatic with this. You just have to realize that she has a lot less energy to withdraw from her bank account. So first priority becomes keeping her employment (which uses up a lot), then health is right up there. What energy is left, is available for friends and romance. It may not be enough for you, but if she is spending what discretionary energy she has with you, when she has it, she's probably doing her best to make it work. Hang in there!

[MightyMouse]

Oh yea, the mood swings are part of it. See the list of symptoms on the main DINET site-- www.dinet.org

[Guest dionna]

hi. this is all new to me as i am in a relationship with someone who has POTS. how can i be most supportive without feeling overwhelmed. she says she loves me and there are days she seems to want to be with me but others where she acts as if i am very unimportant. are mood swings a symptom of POTS and how can i best deal w/them. she has told me that her symptoms are not severe, she is still working but has little energy left for a relationship. thanks for any and all replies.

okay i needed to copy your question so i could remember all that it said so i can address all topic and concerns you mentioned.

first i would to say that i think it is really great that you are taking a concern and that you are trying to learn more about POTS and i think she is very lucky to have someone that cares so much. i am in a relationship with someone who hasn't been diagnosed yet but has very similiar symptoms so he understands very well. i think that makes use even stronger.

the way i take the symptoms myself to keep from being overwhelmed: i count my blessings to myself. others are always trying to help me but there really isn't anything to help me with. i'm not fixable. i feel horrible that my man wants to help and there isn't anything he can help me with, you know. maybe she feels that way to in some way.

if she says she loves you... she probably does. i don't think she would just throw that around. she is going through a lot and most of energy is probably gone by the time she gets off of work. when i was still actually working... i would go back to my room and go straight to bed. on thursdays i had field day and then we went out to eat so that was really the only day i wasn't able to go straight to sleep but i was definately tired and more apt to faint. i don't know how new she is to POTS but i have had it for 2 years and i am still new to it.i get new symptoms all the time and i am trying different things all the time trying to get better. a lot of trial and error. i was on all sorts of meds but i didn't like them so now i am trying a new diet and vitamins. she is probably going through a lot herself- that is basically what i am trying to say.

"she acts as if i am very unimportant"- is she really acting like that or do you just feel as if you aren't getting enough attention? she might just be tired. talk to her about it. listen to her and believe what she says until she gives proof to not. which i doubt she would. i would think she would be telling you the truth. if you love her enough to find help and advice to make the relationship work, she more than likely loves you that much too.

i don't know about the mood swings, but i know they are a symptom to some. the way i always deal with peoples moods, i try to change the mood as quickly as possible to something i like. usually by doing something nice for them or tyring to butter them up. later you can talk about the issue when you both are cooled off and relaxed. you would be able to reach a compromise a lot better that way. she is under a lot of stress whether she realizes it or not. her body is doing a lot of crazy things and shooting out different chemicals and hormones all the time. be patient. another big thing to understand... she is slowly losing her independence and things she was once able to do. that is very stressful. i'm not allowed to go anywhere alone and i use a wheelchair while in town, i can't drive- swim- go up stairs- and a lot of simple things. her life is changing. that could attribute to the mood swings as well. she doesn't know what to expect either and she is probably in pain everyday.

when i was working, i fainted alot. i was in the marine corps so i couldn't just put my 2 weeks notice in. she has to pay the bills so she probably can't either so you just have to deal with that. anyway everday i went straight to bed or straight to the doctor after work, sometimes even during if i had fainted more than once. i slept in my company gysgt's office everyday just about. i couldn't take it hardly at all. i'm just trying to say she isn't trying to ignore you.

i know someone posted about the list of symptoms on the dinet.org page but i have a lot more symptoms than is listed on that (if you notice most people on this forum have more problems than just POTS and a lot of us are trying to get those other diagnoses) she might too so just use that as an idea. she will tell you what all she experiences or atleast what she is comfortable with- so don't push her. know that every POTS patient is different and have different symptoms at different times and are brought on by different elements. symptoms can be brought on by... but not limited to: temperature- too hot or too cold, standing up too long, too much energy exerted, eating different foods- taking meds- cleaning with chemicals, stress, not enough sleep, not eating enough- eating too much, climbing stairs, running, basically everyday task and anything that require energy, and etc. extremes usually cause them. i am a fainter and i feel faint pretty much all day. i'm always tired but i still try to do things. maybe she doesn't even realize how you feel. she has to work and probably can't relax there to have more energy when around you. she says she loves you so i think i can safely assume you say you love her and maybe she thinks you understand. if you say you love her maybe she feels safe to relax more around you and it isn't that she is relaxing on the relationship.

if she is able to relax around you... take it as a compliment! it may mean she feels safe and secure with you.

you want to feel more important? do activities you can both enjoy. if she is tired, put on a movie and grab some snacks. popcorn with salt or chips would be awesome for her since she needs a high salt diet anyway. water and salt are very essential to her body. give her a massage. careful though it could make her symptomatic (there was a post a while back ago about that- like i said all POTSy's are different) but it would relax her and she would enjoy it. if you like to fish... that is a good thing to do when the temperature is right outside. if she is tired lay next to her and just talk. if she likes to excercise and is able to... you two could do pilates or yoga together (some suggest these two the most). if you don't like those maybe some other type of excersing that better fit your taste. it would help her feel better by circulating the blood and tightening and toning her body, building muscles that would help blood pressure. it could help your relationship in other ways to . basically suggests to do things she can do and enjoys. i know she will appreciate it. it is very important to her that you understand. all of us on this forum want our significant other to just understand and help were they can. another thing that would be good to do... help her with the chores. doing little things for her that she wouldn't have to spend energy doing, would give her more energy to spend on the relationship! doing things that help her feel better will help her be able to spend more time on the two of you. her not feeling well or being tired is probably what takes time away from the relationship.

okay i am writing way too much so i will end it now. good luck to you and i wish her good days... cause those would be your good days too. i hope that i might have helped you and it wasn't just a bore or an insult on your intelligence. you said you were new to it so, i wrote to you as if you didn't know anything about it. so i apologize if it was an insult.

dionna

[garycooper]

thank you to all who replied. we are going through some tough times and i need all the encouragement i can get so i can give it to her in return. it seems like we hardly ever laugh and have a good time together right now, so i am hoping your replies and suggestions will be the encouragement i feel i need. God bless you all.

[Lukkychrm42]

Like the others have said, on behalf of POTSys in relationships everywhere, thanks for caring enough to have found this site and posted! Obviously I can't speak for everyone, but I, for one, am incredibly moody. Thankfully, though not for them, my family take the brunt of it, and I can be "happy" or "pleasant" with other people! ) OK I'm really not that bad. Anyway- Energy is definitely a huge issue for us. I'm able to go to school, but keeping a regular job or any extracurricular activities is really difficult. My relationship is long-distance at the moment, so I guess that when it comes to energy levels on a daily basis, my BF doesn't have to see me sick in bed or lying about wishing the world would end already.

It probably goes without saying, but while we are not our POTS, it is definitely a part of who we are, whether we've learnt to deal with that or not so much, or to whatever degree, so that's got to put extra strain on a relationship.

Also, what she says and how she feels may not necessarily be the same thing... FX if you ask "How are you?" and she says, "Fine," out of habit. I know I'm often good at expecting some people to read my mind. Also often symptoms fluctuate often throughout the day as well as from day to day.

You said that she acts as if you're unimportant, but I guess I need more info there. It could be that she doesn't want to burden you, or if you mean she's ignoring you, maybe she's completely fatigued but doesn't want that issue to be a focal point, so avoiding you might not mean that she doesn't want to be with you or show you how she feels, but maybe she's embarrassed at having no energy or at having POTS be a main topic of conversation.

My BF has expressed concern, such as having nightmares that I get very sick and he doesn't know how to take care of me, and I've talked to him about it, and he still worries, but I can't really know what it's like to be on the other side of the fence at this point, so we all just do our best.

Anyway, I hope at least topic you've posted will bring up some good points to discuss with her, and I wish you two all the luck!

[garycooper]

Like the others have said, on behalf of POTSys in relationships everywhere, thanks for caring enough to have found this site and posted! Obviously I can't speak for everyone, but I, for one, am incredibly moody. Thankfully, though not for them, my family take the brunt of it, and I can be "happy" or "pleasant" with other people! ) OK I'm really not that bad. Anyway- Energy is definitely a huge issue for us. I'm able to go to school, but keeping a regular job or any extracurricular activities is really difficult. My relationship is long-distance at the moment, so I guess that when it comes to energy levels on a daily basis, my BF doesn't have to see me sick in bed or lying about wishing the world would end already.

It probably goes without saying, but while we are not our POTS, it is definitely a part of who we are, whether we've learnt to deal with that or not so much, or to whatever degree, so that's got to put extra strain on a relationship.

Also, what she says and how she feels may not necessarily be the same thing... FX if you ask "How are you?" and she says, "Fine," out of habit. I know I'm often good at expecting some people to read my mind. Also often symptoms fluctuate often throughout the day as well as from day to day.

You said that she acts as if you're unimportant, but I guess I need more info there. It could be that she doesn't want to burden you, or if you mean she's ignoring you, maybe she's completely fatigued but doesn't want that issue to be a focal point, so avoiding you might not mean that she doesn't want to be with you or show you how she feels, but maybe she's embarrassed at having no energy or at having POTS be a main topic of conversation.

My BF has expressed concern, such as having nightmares that I get very sick and he doesn't know how to take care of me, and I've talked to him about it, and he still worries, but I can't really know what it's like to be on the other side of the fence at this point, so we all just do our best.

Anyway, I hope at least topic you've posted will bring up some good points to discuss with her, and I wish you two all the luck!

Like the others have said, on behalf of POTSys in relationships everywhere, thanks for caring enough to have found this site and posted! Obviously I can't speak for everyone, but I, for one, am incredibly moody. Thankfully, though not for them, my family take the brunt of it, and I can be "happy" or "pleasant" with other people! ) OK I'm really not that bad. Anyway- Energy is definitely a huge issue for us. I'm able to go to school, but keeping a regular job or any extracurricular activities is really difficult. My relationship is long-distance at the moment, so I guess that when it comes to energy levels on a daily basis, my BF doesn't have to see me sick in bed or lying about wishing the world would end already.

It probably goes without saying, but while we are not our POTS, it is definitely a part of who we are, whether we've learnt to deal with that or not so much, or to whatever degree, so that's got to put extra strain on a relationship.

Also, what she says and how she feels may not necessarily be the same thing... FX if you ask "How are you?" and she says, "Fine," out of habit. I know I'm often good at expecting some people to read my mind. Also often symptoms fluctuate often throughout the day as well as from day to day.

You said that she acts as if you're unimportant, but I guess I need more info there. It could be that she doesn't want to burden you, or if you mean she's ignoring you, maybe she's completely fatigued but doesn't want that issue to be a focal point, so avoiding you might not mean that she doesn't want to be with you or show you how she feels, but maybe she's embarrassed at having no energy or at having POTS be a main topic of conversation.

My BF has expressed concern, such as having nightmares that I get very sick and he doesn't know how to take care of me, and I've talked to him about it, and he still worries, but I can't really know what it's like to be on the other side of the fence at this point, so we all just do our best.

Anyway, I hope at least topic you've posted will bring up some good points to discuss with her, and I wish you two all the luck!

thank you for taking the time to reply. your comment that your family takes the brunt of your bad moods and your friends got the best really hit home. Why is that, because she seems to be pleasant to everyone else but the one she lives with, me. i am sure i have y faults but somedays i don't feel it is me.