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Can't Seem To Keep Friends!


Guest sonotech
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Guest sonotech

I don't know what is wrong with me, but I am having a "friend" issue. I had lost my best friend a few months ago (and she was my only friend left) and NOW I seem to be losing my internet friends also.

I am a very honest and caring person and don't know why this is happening. I thought that at least I had friends to email with and even chatted a few times on the phone, but seems that has come to "screeching hault".

Even the FEW emails I get are very short and not personable. I try to email them, but don't want to annoy anyone or force myself on someone who doesn't care, so I had tried not to email very often.

It is sad when I can't even keep friends that share a common illness. You would think people with dysautonomia wouldn't "leave" others that are in the same boat. I am just really bothered by this and don't know what to do.

Good friends are hard to come by, and I really thought these were some good friends!

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hey sonotec,

i would LOVE to have someone to chat to via email about anything, our shared illness, life in general.....good friends are hard to come by, but i'd love to chat and become friends! drop me a line! my email is cardiac_tec@hotmail.com.

chat with you later! <_<

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Sonotech- I think you show a lot of strength by expressing how hard it is to make and keep friends. But you know, I think this is true for most anyone- even those who are well. We live in a mobile, transient society where people are always relocating (my family included) and thus having to start over repeatedly with relationships. It's hard to foster friendships when you know you may not be in an area for long. In addition, at various points in life we find ourself having less in common with those we previously had a lot in common. For instance, married vs single, parents vs non, etc. These relationships typically wax and wan as life circumstances change.

I have been on MySpace since Jan. and it is increasing by leaps and bounds everyday. Currently there are over 90 million people on MySpace. From a social psychology standpoint, that tells us there are a lot of lonely people in the world craving human reltionships- not just sexual/dating but friendships. We are social beings- we need human contact- it has been proven over and over.

But, friendships require work. True friendships take time and vulnerability. Meaning, we have to let our guard down and risk getting hurt in order to truly get close to others. And there is the fear of rejection. I have learned that sometimes people will indeed reject you- it is a fact of life. But for every failed friendship, there are ten other people who will gladly let you into their lives. So.... keep trying and don't think that someone's lack of response is necessarily a reflection on you. Folks with dysautonomia are sick, as you well know, and sometimes a short e-mail requires more than one can give. But hang in there- and don't give up on people. You have to just keep putting yourself out there- I know- easier said than done.

Carmen

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Hi Sonotec!

I'm sorry you feel this way, if it helps, I have been through the same thing!

I'm here anytime and I can always use more friends, exspecialy ones who understand my health issues.

Amber

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Hi there,

Feel free to email me anytime, I sure could use some more friends!!! :rolleyes: Email Jaba802@yahoo.com

Jacquie

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Feel free to email me also I also can also ways use more friends. They are hard to come by these days.

Amy

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I think Carmen made some intesting points- there are lots of reasons why people lose touch, not necessarily for lack of caring.

I have many friends who were extremely close at dift. points in my life and for various reasons we have lost touch, sometimes for years, but there is forever a bond that it still so connected. The fond memories all come back and we are happy to just touch base again when we can. I treasure all the moments in life.

That being said, I am always happy to make new friends- email anytime!!! :rolleyes:

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Sonotec,

Hi....I'm sorry about your friends. I know I find it hard to e-mail my online friends when I'm busy and then after I've been busy I feel like I've been hit by a mack truck. I try to send a little "hi" note so they don't feel like I totally forgot them. I also don't want to go into detail about how cruddy I feel. Who wants to hear that?!?!?! So, I usually just type a few lines about my week and then tell them I'll write when it slows down. I usually wait till I'm feeling better.

I can't say what's going on with your friends, but feel free to e-mail me. :rolleyes:

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hi sonotech,

i remember when you first came to the board and we had a few discussions. that was cool i've had some stuff go on in my life where i just had to drop the board and take care of me and my "real" life for awhile. I hope you can understand maybe sometimes these folks that are your friends, new or old, have other things they need to deal with and they are not *purposefully* ignoring you, it just happens to come off that way.

I am truly sorry if my recent absence has caused you to doubt your "friend-worthy" status!! you are super-awesome-cool!! you are so kind and insightful and humorous.....people just have to get to know you and sometimes it is THEM who have the problems of not being able to do that. just remember you are a great person, even with the challenge of dysautonomia, which is super hard for others to understand. I have this same problem....there are like 2-3 pepople in my ENTIRE nursing class that I can talk to about what is going on with me and my teachers keep trying to kick me out. I don't have the energy to keep up *** my local friends, my faraway friends and all my DINET friends too. I have been doing the best I can whihc has been lacking.

I am hoping I can participate in the forum a bit more with a nice school break coming up and now that I am feeling a little bit bettter. Hang in there, it takes time! But you can PM me whenever you like.

Peace,

Lulu

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I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with friends. Trust me I COMPLETELY understand. I have lost many in the last 2 years and because of that my kids have also lost some real close friends, families we used to get together with. It *****.

I have also been able to wean out the people who never really cared about me in the first place, even though it was eye opening it was painful.

I truley care about everyone on this board including you, so if you need a friend..........here I am!!!! You can PM me or email me anytime dsm3kidz@yahoo.com.

I know when I was in need of a shoulder to lean on some of your messages about parenting and chronic illness really helped me put things in perspective so thanks.

I was reading the posts people wrote you and you are blessed with alot of people on this board that really want to reach out to you!

Good luck

Dayna

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Guest Julia59

Sonotec---I know how you feel. It looks like you have some really caring people who just offered their friendship----which I think is pretty cool.

I have been through a pretty hard times myself with this, but then decided I would learn to take it in stride. I have been forgotten, hurt and ignored by people I would have never thought would be that way.

It's hard sometimes---isn't it..........??

You can PM---or e-mail me anytime---or even call me---I'll give you my ph# via e-mail.

Take care---and know that I care....... :rolleyes::)

Julie :0)

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Sonotech,

I'm currently going through a similar situation where a very close friend of mine has (without any warning) compeltely cut off contact from me. It's always difficult to lose friends, especially when we're already limited by our illness... making friends just feels harder when you're sick!

Feel free to email me any time if you want to talk! :rolleyes:

Hugs,

Lauren

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Sonotech, if you want a crazy friend who emails everyday ( well when I'm upright ) mmmmmmmmmm that makes me sound like I have a drink problem, which I dont have as I'm tee-total........right anyhow if you want a natter about this , that and anything you can think of I'm always about , stuck here at this time in the house going even more mad ( if thats possible)

I to lost a number of my friends because they couldnt or wouldn't understand my condition and how some days I can be ' my silly self ' and other days I cant move a muscle.

They also couldnt understand why in the past ( 5-6 years ago ) I would run them about like I was a taxi and now I hardly drive at all , especially at 1 am in the morning when they have been out all night and cant find a cab :rolleyes: the cheek of some people!!!!!

I recently lost my best friend to , I had looked for her for over 30 years ( we where best ever school mates) when I found her she lied in order to get money from me , in fact she lied so much I dont think I will ever forgive her now.

So I now natter away on the web , like this.

I have found more friendship here than on any other site , not that I've tried many , but you know what I mean.

Sometimes just talking to someone ( even by email) can make a bad day into a good one, bring sunshine when its raining and make you laugh when you want to cry .

I'm here if you want a natter ..........willows........... a wise old woman who's Crazy with all the heat !!!

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I don't know what is wrong with me, but I am having a "friend" issue. I had lost my best friend a few months ago (and she was my only friend left) and NOW I seem to be losing my internet friends also.

I am a very honest and caring person and don't know why this is happening. I thought that at least I had friends to email with and even chatted a few times on the phone, but seems that has come to "screeching hault".

Even the FEW emails I get are very short and not personable. I try to email them, but don't want to annoy anyone or force myself on someone who doesn't care, so I had tried not to email very often.

It is sad when I can't even keep friends that share a common illness. You would think people with dysautonomia wouldn't "leave" others that are in the same boat. I am just really bothered by this and don't know what to do.

Good friends are hard to come by, and I really thought these were some good friends!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry for what is happening to you, but I feel the need to play devil's advocate here. First, I don't believe that just because people share an illness, means they have to be friends with all who share the illness. Much as all blonde haired people aren't friends with ALL other blonde hair people. Yes, you share something in common, and perhaps people want to discuss illness alone with other people, and not evolve into a "friendship" per se. Others simply don't like others views as to how they handle their illness and choose to not befriend them. I know nothing of you, so naturally I'm speaking in generalizations here.

Secondly, it is summertime, some people get busy and are able to enjoy vacations, and family, and decent weather. Others have a very hard time with heat, and barely function at all, even sending one sentence can seem like a chore. I wouldn't take it so personally.

Lastly, I believe that not everyone falls under the adage "misery loves company", I know that it will be hard to read for some, espeicially those particularly resiliant to counseling/therapy for whatever reason. But the sad fact of the matter is that neither my daughter nor myself would have been able to sustain friendships if we complained about our health all the time, or made friendships one-sided because we felt people couldn't understand rare disorders, so we could write them off. Illness is a very large burden to lay on people (whom aren't professionals) and have probably not dealt with illness in their own lives, on a consistent basis.

Yes, I especially encourage my daughter to speak out about POTS and how it affects her life, but I mostly encourage her to have fun, get out of the house, and "fake it until she makes it". She may not feel perfect, nor will she probably feel "great" ever again, but becoming a hermit wouldn't do her any favors. Not ONCE has she gone on vacation with us, or gone out with friends and not enjoyed herself after leaving home and relaxing, she is old and smart enough to know when she just can't be up and around. Same thing for myself. I wouldn't be able to sustain marriage if I became a bitter person. And without a doubt if she doesn't feel good and comes home, or I need to go home, we are fortunate enough to have friendships that rise above our health, and it's understood we can't always keep up with others, or do activities they may have planned.

As supportive as websites may be, I 100% do not believe they are any substitute for face to face, one on one or group interaction with others, AND counseling/therapy from professionals. I'm sorry for those that disagree, but I feel the need to speak up for friendships who have sustained years and illness as they do exist. Furthermore I think some people need to look into themselves if many friendships/relationships aren't working and not play the blame game, or throw pity parties constantly. Again, not talking about ANY specific person in this post, just life experience.

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Guest sonotech

Thanks for all the replies and VERY WARM welcomes!

I am so sorry to say that I am very ill right now and have been unable to get out of bed. I will be emailing those of you who shared their emails, and can't wait to "chat"!

I hope these bad days for me pass really soon, and when they do I will let all of you know!!

ALL OF YOU ARE GREAT!!!!!!!!!

Laura

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Guest tearose

Hey, sono, you are never alone in this challenge! So much support has been shared already but wanted to offer you mine too. But remember, recently I too dropped off the planet for awhile and once again came back! Summer can be tough cause many of the regular people we know go away on vacations. Some people move away...I too need to once again expand my 3-D friendship pool...it is all part of life and moreso when we are such funky bodied folks. We need to cultivate very "special and compassionate" friends.

I'm thinking of looking into one of those "home parties" since I have new neighbors and thought it would be fun to have a party and mingle low-keyed with people for a short time.

Hey, I just took a fruit cobbler out of the microwave oven, grab some vanilla ice cream and come on over everyone and we'll all visit and chat for awhile!

hugs all around, tearose

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Hi, I feel your pain, it has happened to me too and it is a horrible feeling. After a while, I tried reflecting on my actions regarding friendship: when I had dropped out of people's lives for reasons that they did not know about, and I unfortunately did remember that I had let go of friends, due to a divorce, moving away etc. I also have thought about whether my friends I have now, were they real friends at all and came to conclusion that I have actually deluded myself a lot about friendships I had. I thought they were close friends, but when I got sick, they disappeared or just came back to see if I had recovered. As I am still sick some 3 years on, they have gone again.

It was hurtful, but then I realised that I have been shown kindness and friendship by a few people that I knew more superficially and they have been quite supportive. I really like the "friends for a reason, friends for a season" quote.

I too have been slack with emails, sometimes I get too depressed to write as I will only be a grouch and someone else on this forum :) wrote that people do get sick of that.

So, hang in there. I would love to email you and hear from you, as will others on this forum. Count me in as your new friend.

Suzanne

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Hello sonotech............my new emailing friend.

See.......... this Post on the chit-chat section did work, because now I have a new friend to, which is just brilliant. :P

If any of you would like to write to me too, that would be nice , that way sonotech , myself and ( may be you) will have emails flying around the world like clouds in a tornado !!!!! B)

Willows............ crazy as a box of frogs!

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  • 4 weeks later...

HI Sonotech!

I'm Madeline and I just joined, I have to tell you, I know exectly how you feel! I've been struggling for 9 years and from the day I got sick i basically lost my friends. For years and years I didn't have anyone. a few months ago I joined a church and have started to make some friends there!!! It's been wonderful, but I still struggle with friendships. You can PM me anythime

I hope things start to look brighter

Madeline

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