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I Need Advise Re: Caring For My Kids When I'm Sick


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For the past 22mo. my husband has been switching his schedule so he can help me out with the kids (7,4 &2) and driving them to school etc. So he only works 48 hr from Sat to Mon. On the weekends when I'm real sick most days my mom would come and help me care for my kids. Usually 2 weekends a month sometimes less and sometimes more. I never abuse the help and push myself to help her and only have her come when I feel unbearable.

Anyways I think she is starting to resent me even though I have no control over this illness and I only wanted help so the kids wouldn't be affected by my illness. I want to keep their lives as normal as possible.

Long story short..............I'm letting her off the hook. I'm not going to ask her to care for my kids anymore but I am scared to death that when I'm in the middle of a horrible migraine or dry heaving because I'm so nauseated that I will not be able to handle the kids the way they deserve.

I'm scared their will be an accident or something because I won't be as attentive as I need to be.

I can't afford to hire help and unfortuantly I have only one friend who is kind enough to help but she's going through a divorce and has 3 young kids of her own. The rest of my family and what's left of my friends are too self involved to call I know they wouldn't be any help.

I love my kids more than anything. I can suffer but I don't want them to pay the price for my suffering.

I'm thinking about moving to a smaller house-ranch, with a fence. Our house is too hard to up keep and our neighborhood kids are way to wild. They will walk in my house even after I say no. Their is about 20 kids in my subdivision and we have no privacy. If I just want to throw the ball to my kids about 5 others will come and want to play. If I was healthy that would be great but my kids take up all my energy I don't have any left for the neighborhood kids. (we can't have fences in my subdivision). Also I want side walks so my kids could play out of the streets.

I think that stuff would help me have alittle more personal space and make things more manageable. Sorry this is sooo long I'm just really anxious about being alone.

Has anyone else gone through this and how did you handle it?

Thanks for understanding ALWAYS

Dayna

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Dayna,

You bring forth a lot of issues so I hope I make sense with my response. First of all, your mother and you need to have a heart to heart. It is possible (even likely) that your mother does not understand how unpredictable this disorder is and how you may feel like playing ball with your kids one minute and then be in bed the next. The resentment you think she has may not be real at all. Or it might be that she would appreciate more notice when helping you out. For instance, she might like to know that she will be helping you out every weekend for the forseeable future instead of making plans only to have them change at the last minute. Make sense?

Not having your mom help is probably not the best idea especially since you have no other help and cannot afford to pay someone. That is another option. If your mom does not desire to be obligated every weekend to help could she pay a sitter to come help? Based on what you have posted lately, you need help. Period. (I have been there so I totally understand). So, how are you going to get that help while your husband works forty-eight hours? I know you and your mom want what is best for your kids- so is she willing to help out financially until you get SSDI or your symtpoms more manageable? If not, could you and your husband borrow money to pay someone?

As far as the house, you have to do what is right for your family. The benefit to living in a subdivision is also the worst thing. There is always people around- but if something WERE to happen you would not be out somewhere alone with three kids. So, that's something to consider.

Goodness, I wish I could make things easier for you. I have been there- I had two little ones under five when I was at my sickest symptom-wise, a husband that worked all the time, and no local help so I truly sympathize.

Good luck Dayna- we are all here to support you.

Carmen

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Dayna,

I also have kids ages 11DS, 9DD, 8DS and 6DS, I am having similar troubles. DH is the manager at a car dealership, so he works up to 12 hrs a day 5 or 6 days a week. He has been leaving work when the EMT's come to pick me up, but I'm worried he is going to loose his job if that continues. I guess the only advice I have is what I try to tell myself. Give your kids what you can. One of my sons is autistic, so that is even harder. My family has moved away all over the country, and with my mom visiting these 2 weeks right now I know how you feel about your mom. We fought today because she wanted to leave, and I asked her to stay for 30 more minutes so i could rest. She was complaining she was tired! I was recovering from my faint yesterday, she has me up all day because she wants to get my house clean(which of course means she is going to try to teach me how to do it the right way.. not just do for me, I need to be right there helping.) anyway. They don?t get it. Whether it is because they can't or they don?t want to, they do not understand. i agree with Carmen, talk to her about it. i talked to my mom and explained to her i need to rest and she bit my head off about being on vacation, but she stayed. when i saw her tonight she mentioned that she was glad i rested, and did not seem upset about it anymore. that is the good and bad about family. they will tell you off, but they will still love you in the morning. <BG>

I get through it the best I can. I am not good at asking for help. Do you have a church group or something like that that can help? I know my local MOM's (mothers of miracles) group has helped me out. They make meals, have done laundry, even just swept the house for me.

Joy

i thought about something else. do you qualify for a PCA? ( personal care assistant?) the disabled get them. it is like a nurse that comes ank takes care of you. i am not sure who you contact in your area, i am in process of getting one through the department of mental health for my son. call the agency that is in your phone book, and insurance pays it if your dr says you need it.

just a thought.

Joy

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