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Not sure what to do!


Guest veryblue
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Guest veryblue

Well today should be a good day cuz I got an early exceptance program letter from Northwestern Law School! Normally I would be happy but instead I cried and cried...I can't go to Law School like this! That is why I ran taht poll on how many people work so on and so on...I come from a family of lawyers and I have a 3.9 GPA. I have worked my butt off to get to this point and now I did it all for nothing! There's no way that I can do work that demanding. I feel decent now...I still play softball...go to movies...go dancing and such but that dosent mean I will always feel good! It's too risky. I mean tuition is 40K a year! I cant invest in all that money to see me never achieve my dream! This *****...out of nowhere my whole life is ruined! I have had a positive attitude about this...telling myself that I was going to be one of the people that was going to have a complete recovery! But that seems to be a joke! I keep asking people on here if they know of anyone who has gotten better and it doesent seem like anyone does...maybe nobody gets completly better! Maybe my doctor was lying when he said I have an excellent chance of returning to my normal self! I dont know who to believe anymore! It just ***** that I have worked so hard to get to this point and now have wasted all that time and effort it took to be where I am today! Sorry I just needed to vent!

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Hi

I understand exactly what you are going through. I just finished my degree after 3 years of hard work and I am permanently disabled. I can barely take care of my "body" so .....

What I have learned in school is very precious. I have studied psychology and I understand more dysautonomia now and doctors cannot tell me anymore that it is in my mind. I am sure that my knowledge will still be useful for others and for myself. I just don't know how yet.

I wanted to do my Masters but like you I put it on hold because what is the point in investing so much and not being able to work. I will see in a year or so how my health is progressing.

In the meantime I am keeping myself very busy going to doctors and rehabilitation.

Good luck.

Ernie

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Accepting and coping with a chronic illness is never easy. There are counselors/therapists that can help people make that adjustment, and to help them find meaning and satisfaction in life despite their disabilities. You might really benefit from talking with someone; many DINET members have. Please think about it.

Michelle

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Dear Blue,

There ARE people who recover ... unfortunatley most don't come back to the boards to post their long term success stories. Since there are so many different forms of dysautonomia with so many different "causes" there are also so many different prognosis so yes it is hard to say how long it will take, how complete your recovery will be or what the future holds in store for you.

Most of us get frustrated with our doctor when they say that there is nothing they can do for us and that we will not improve ... sounds like you have an excellent doctor who is convinced you will recover. Trust her/him. Knowing that you will improve and be able to accomplish your dreams is at least 50% of the winning formula.

You may want to pick up some books on people who have recovered and are sharing their story on how it changed their life for the better.

Listen to your heart, see what is calling to you. It may be law school, or it may be something that no one in your family has done before. Consider yourself a pioneer on this healing journey.

Good luck to you on your travels.

EM

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Hi VeryBlue. Congrats on your acceptance to Northwestern. I agree with Michelle--getting a little help can go a long, long way. Coping with chronic illness (regardless of whether you get better someday or not) is a tough task to do alone. There are social workers and psychologists who specialize in helping people who are facing long term conerns like yours. Go for it!

Nina :)

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First of all, congratulations on your acceptance! I can understand where you are coming from, my long time dream was to become a criminologist, but I had to put it on hold and change my major after I got sick, because there is no way I could do work that demanding. I just completed my Associate's degree this semester, and plan to take a semester off then return for my BS...but this time I'm studying photography because I can do that on an "as needed" basis, from home, and work for myself. It's not my ultimate dream, but I think I'll enjoy it and it's more compatible with POTS...I have learned to live life as if I'm always going to have this illness, and after almost 3 years I am starting to accept things for what they are. Right now I'm just enjoying being a mom and raising my son, and I have high hopes of returning to work eventually. I have often thought of seeing someone myself who could help me learn to cope, and I still don't think it's a bad idea.

Every day is a new day :)

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You will never know unless you try. I know it is hard, but you say you are doing better right now, playing softball, etc....then go on with things and don't worry about the "maybe this and that". ...I do know how easier said than done that is but still. Not everybody ends up disabled from this...many people's symptoms are sometimes mild and they vary so much that you may never have much trouble. Maybe you will never feel worse than you do now. Worse case scenario, if you did, maybe you could be in practice for yourself and limit your work hours (just a suggestion?). I wish I had the drive to do more than what I'm doing right now myself so don't get me wrong...I'm not preaching...but if there was something I was planning to do and felt like doing it at this time, I would go for it and not let what might happen down the road limit my future. You will be alive years down the road with or without a law degree. If it was my life dream and I was your age (and able to play softball! :) or felt reasonably energized and focused) I'd still go for it because you may limit yourself simply out of fear of something that may never happen.

(and many people may think my absolutely terrible for saying this but if you finance tuition with student loans and end up disabled they are dischargeable under those circumstances).

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VB, I would hope that the results of your poll wouldn't color a decision you have the privilege of making about graduate school ... There were 30 "votes" -- out of what, 1/2 million people (minimum) that are believed (by leading researchers) to be out there in this country alone who are coping with the symptoms of POTS. I've been visiting this board for a few months, and even in that brief time, people have come and gone... Maybe they feel better or got their questions answered!

It's great that you feel decent now--playing softball and dancing and going to movies and doing all the things you SHOULD be doing right now! You're doing great! Not a person in the world, healthy or afflicted, has a clue how they're going to feel in 5, 10, 20 years--tomorrow even! Live for today!!! It's all we have! And if today you can open a book and expand your mind, I say -- GO FOR IT!

Congratulations on your admittance to NU Law, by the way. That's fantastic--you'll love living in Evanston... and the glories of Chicago are but a fast heart beat and brief train ride away! (You'll also have access to some of the best cardiologists in the country.) Oh, wait. Law campus is in downtown Chicago. Nevermind -- You'll love living in Chicago, and fabulous Evanston is but a fast heart beat and a brief train ride away!

Take 'er easy,

Merrill

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I agree with all the above posts.

Keep in mind, this board is mostly used by people who are dealing with significant POTS symptoms. People who have gotten well don't generally hang around, so wouldn't be responding to your poll.

It IS hard to cope with a chronic illness. I saw a psychologist/hypnotherapist for awhile when I was quite sick (my insurance even paid for it.). It helped me. It took me 11 months to get well enough to go back to work. I am now still on small doses of medication, but I can do most things I used to do. I have a Master's degree and work part-time and care for my toddler daughter. If I wanted to go back to school now, I would. Yes, I probably need more rest than the average woman my age, but, I wouldn't let that stop me from moving forward with my life. (And there are some other things--I don't plan to have any more children biologically, since pregnancy is what set my POTS off the first time.) So, I have made some life adjustments, but my life is very far from over due to POTS. I am more determined than ever, with everything I do.

Law school is very demanding--I know, my sister just finished and passed the bar here in MD. But, most likely you will be able to do it. Statistically, most people with POTS get much better, to back to normal. Also, there are treatments that work for many people now.

I hope you really don't feel you have wasted your time, working so hard in school. You haven't. And the fact that you are as active as you are suggests to me that you are doing pretty well, even though you are experiencing symptoms that affect your normal functioning right now.

Keep writing to the board. We're here to understand, and support you as best we can.

And congrats on the early acceptance to Northwestern. Great school.

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