AJVDK Posted June 27, 2006 Report Share Posted June 27, 2006 Well here I am again not sleeping. This time it?s due to pain, and just lying in bed and feeling my heart rate pounding in my chest, and skipping beats, and feeling my pacer kick in ( I only feel it when the bottom chamber kicks in.) I am just sitting hear sitting at the computer thinking. I was thinking how much life has changed over the last year. I am looking for hope, strength, ability to fight, and keep going. It?s been so easy to get down anymore. I think my life is like a yoyo, you know you have you ups and downs and the longer you go you find yourself not climbing up as much as before, and soon your yoyo is just spinning in a circle and it?s not going to climb back up anymore. (That?s me just sitting there spinning) I need to find some way to get back wound up. I am not sure if that make since to anyone, I been trying to sit here and think how I feel. I am just looking for a way to climb out of this place I am at. I think I just got overwhelmed with life (everything going on with family, SSDI?), having POTS and not getting better, adjusting to being in a wheel chair when needed, and having to ask for help. I am a major control freak. I always need to be in control, and right now I am not controlling one thing in my life and I am so scared, and I can no longer do it on my own, and I don?t now what to do, plus I never been good for asking for help. I would rather struggle to do it on my own then ask for help. The problem is I can no longer afford to live my life like that as I don?t have the energy to fight anymore. I need to learn to ask for help. (WOW I CAN?T BELIEVE I SAID IT I NEED OTHER PEOPLES HELP!)So how do you all get by? How do you handle asking for help for others? How do you stay strong? How do you all keep HOPE? How do you find STRENGTH? How are you able to get up everyday and fight and not let life (POTS) get you down? Thanks for listing?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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