AJVDK Posted June 27, 2006 Report Share Posted June 27, 2006 Well here I am again not sleeping. This time it?s due to pain, and just lying in bed and feeling my heart rate pounding in my chest, and skipping beats, and feeling my pacer kick in ( I only feel it when the bottom chamber kicks in.) I am just sitting hear sitting at the computer thinking. I was thinking how much life has changed over the last year. I am looking for hope, strength, ability to fight, and keep going. It?s been so easy to get down anymore. I think my life is like a yoyo, you know you have you ups and downs and the longer you go you find yourself not climbing up as much as before, and soon your yoyo is just spinning in a circle and it?s not going to climb back up anymore. (That?s me just sitting there spinning) I need to find some way to get back wound up. I am not sure if that make since to anyone, I been trying to sit here and think how I feel. I am just looking for a way to climb out of this place I am at. I think I just got overwhelmed with life (everything going on with family, SSDI?), having POTS and not getting better, adjusting to being in a wheel chair when needed, and having to ask for help. I am a major control freak. I always need to be in control, and right now I am not controlling one thing in my life and I am so scared, and I can no longer do it on my own, and I don?t now what to do, plus I never been good for asking for help. I would rather struggle to do it on my own then ask for help. The problem is I can no longer afford to live my life like that as I don?t have the energy to fight anymore. I need to learn to ask for help. (WOW I CAN?T BELIEVE I SAID IT I NEED OTHER PEOPLES HELP!)So how do you all get by? How do you handle asking for help for others? How do you stay strong? How do you all keep HOPE? How do you find STRENGTH? How are you able to get up everyday and fight and not let life (POTS) get you down? Thanks for listing?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacquie802 Posted June 27, 2006 Report Share Posted June 27, 2006 Hi,I know how you feel, and those slumps are especially hard to get out of. I have borrowed soo much money from my mother and sister just to keep my car on the road. If it isn't on the road I don't have many options to get to my doctor appointments....I feel especially bad because my sister has an apartment now, got a car, etc. and sure could use the money she has lent me (way over $2000.00). So I have asked for help in respect for money, and that def. isn't the most comfortable thing.As for other types of help I talk to a therapist, because I feel as though she isn't judging me like alot of my family does. It's gotten so bad with the family that I only bother with my mother, sister and grandmother. I am just sick of ppl saying that I just don't want to work, or that I am sick because I sleep too much, etc. My family is very ignorant, and it's funny that it took me getting sick to realize it. They have NOT been here for me when I've needed help, yet when someone needed something I always ran right over....It's funny how you think people are always going to be there for you or atleast return the favor if it's ever needed....NOT always is what I found out.Friends are good to vent too, but that's if you have understanding friends...I made a comment to one of my friends when I was upset that I wish I had my own bed and a room to sleep in (I've been staying on my mother's couch since Nov. 05) and my friend was like oh well my parents don't like me to shut my door at night....nice, huh?! I felt like saying, well you have a bed, and parents that can afford to help you out financially and a room to get away from ppl in!!!Anyhow, on a brighter side I understand, if not all of us here, that we have lost alot, there's no use in denying that.....BUT we need to find ways to work around our losses, if that makes any sense. Everyday brings something new, and I hope one of these days sooner or later brings something good to you.....Hang in there and feel free to PM if you ever need to talk!Jacquie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sky Posted June 27, 2006 Report Share Posted June 27, 2006 AJVDK:I identify with your need to be in control. I also feel that way. I have no advice on the big issues you are facing but I have found it helpful to find a way to manage some of the smaller challenges we face each day. For example, try to find ways that help to manage your symptoms. These ways vary from person to person but all of us can focus on what we are feeling and look for ways to manage these feelings better. It has taken me a while to learn how to do this. I now can control some things better and some of my need to control are satisified. I am talking about small things like the relationship with food and symptoms. I now know to take my evening shower before I eat dinner because my symptoms are worse after. I have also learned to use caffine to raise my bp for short periods of time and use when I need to be alert. I think we all have things that we can do to help in a small way and that helps us to feel more in control of our lives. Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clairefmartin Posted June 27, 2006 Report Share Posted June 27, 2006 i agree with sky - learning the little daily things to help manage symptoms has helped me tremendously. i also want to ditto what jacquie said about talking with a therapist - i know it can be expensive, but i think its worth the money! its is a huge transition from being an independent helathy person to dealing with a chronic illness and all that is associated with it.i also think its important to guard your mind, and avoid engativity. i get down and scared when i read too many horror stories about what POTS and other dysutonomias can do to people, and found that it was influencing my mental state ina big way. everyone is different, and this disease is so unpredictable (so that means things could get better just as quickly as they got worse), so i think there is always room for hope:)good luck!! hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJVDK Posted June 27, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 27, 2006 Well today is alittle better. I am still hanging down at the bottom, but I am looking at the future. I just wish I had more energy. I get so tried all the time, and yet, I find I can not sleep most of the time, so I am just stuck sitting around the house. As for the therapist, I do see one, although mine has been on vaction for 3 weeks so I am hoping to be able to get in once she gets back. I think it will be really good to talk, vent, and express whats going on. Again thanks for listing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacquie802 Posted June 28, 2006 Report Share Posted June 28, 2006 Don't you love those 3 week vacations, LOL?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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