Question For Those In An Intimate Physical Relationship.....

[Tammy]

There's so many things that I have learned from everyone's symptoms here that I'm not alone with am so glad for the campanionship... the old saying "misery loves company" comes to mind.... but I've done a search on this one and haven't come up with any posts related to another one of my frustrating symptoms....

Okay, this is problaby part of my exercise intolerance, but has anyone else ever become very ill with adrenaline surge, nauseous waves, chills, etc... after being intimate with their spouse/partner???? I'm to a point of avoiding my husband at night because I know how sick I get afterwards so I try to wait until he's asleep before I go to bed by him. I know he has needs but I really don't know what to do anymore... needless to say I absolutely have no desire to be intimate knowing how severely ill I'll be afterwards.

Help please... if you can relate at all to this, I'd love to hear that I'm not alone in this also.

Thanks,

Tammy

[Dizzy Dame]

Hi Tammy,

We actually had a very long thread about this in October of 2005 (give or take). I've also posted a link below (if it works)

http://dinet.ipbhost.com/index.php?act=Sea...ghlite=intamacy

As for my man and I, we are not as intimate as we used to be. When I first got sick we had a traumatic night where in the middle of love making, I had a horrible adrenaline rush and we had to call 911 (this was before we got used to them). Since then, it's taken time for both of us to recover from the trauma of that night. We still cuddle often, but the love making is infrequent. We're both holding onto the hope that I'll continue to improve and we can become more physical. I do have some "tips" that I've learned that may help you: When we are intimate, it's during the late afternoon, when my symptoms are less severe. We use positions that allow me to be supine. We take things slowly, but also try to have fun with it. I've learned that if we're too careful, it feels more like diffusing a bomb than making love, ya know? So that's the small bit of wisdom I have to impart. Maybe others will have more advice.

Hugs,

Lauren

[nadine]

I was surprised and thrilled to see your posting regarding intimacy. This really hit home for me as I was in one of my doctor's offices yesterday( a female one) in tears about this. I have many symptoms and many of them are nerve related. I was thrilled that she was amazingly understanding and she was very glad that I brought it up. She advised me that I should not be embarassed by it,as it is a quality of life issue. In my usual profession I would not have been embarassed by this, but boy did the tears flow yesterday. Basically there were no majic wands. We discussed that there are dift. ways to show intimacy and we do try our best. I have been sleeping downstairs in a bed in our living room for a year due to mobility issues and need to be close to bathroom, etc. My husband has been very supportive, but the reality is you know there must be frustration for them as there is for us. Long story short, my husband and I were discussing my apt. and I told him that I brought this topic up with physician and how emotional I was. I like many have lost my job, mobility, ability to get out when I want, not driving and you have all the added stress on your family. Intimacy with your partner is important, in whatever shape or form, on whatever level. I think he was shocked and suprised to know that I discussed it and that it was just as important to me.

She did give me some pain patches and we are trying a return to another med, seems all trial and error.

The apt. was great for my spirits as she was so understanding. She also stated that it was important in regards to my disability claim for documentation-not that I want my personal life documented in chart, but understand her point about that. So my husband and I had a good night last night, just sharing that.

Thanks for your topic. There are many ways to show love and compassion.

I am right there with Lauren's comments- we have a private joke about calling 911- but fortunately haven't had to yet. I will check out the link as well.

[morgan617]

Being intimate makes me very ill. The thread is a very good one, but I will respond here for you.

My husband has chosen not to be intimate with me. Not because he doesn't want or desire me, but because, as he puts it, he loves me too much to make me sick to gratify his needs.

There are other outlets, although not as satisfying, but he says there are a whole lotta things more important. This is big, because he has a very healthy sex drive. I understand the sacrifice this is for him and it really makes him so priceless to me. I know how lucky I am. Not a lot of partners would choose this way of life and remain faithful and loving.

I just talked to my doctor about it yesterday and he is a guy, our age. He said he didn't blame my husband and he would make the same decision.

This does not lessen my guilt about this, although I have no control over this illness. But we have gone to counseling and communicated a lot about it. He understands my guilt, although he says it's a burden I don't need and should let go of. I try to make up for it in other ways.

It sounds like you and your husband need more open communication and maybe some counseling to help you through this, as opposed to avoidance. Good luck, morgan

[singledadof3girls]

I know exactly what you are saying, I try to avoid going to bed at night until my wife goes to sleep, because if she wants some, there is about a 50% chance it will cause me not to be able to sleep for a while. I used to have a high sex drive, and still do to a point, but scared at what might happen afterwards. My wife isnt the supportive type though, I hear about it all the time, that my problems are all in my head, blah blah.......

[bttrflyamby1981]

I too feel this way...I take comfort to know that I'm not alone.

Amber

[Guest CyberPixie]

I think most of us have problems with this. Myself included. It's worse because I have EDS and M.E as well as POTS and my partner has EDS, M.E and POTS too, so you can imagine!

I've come to the point where I think is the suffering after worth it. I find I have trouble breathing for a week after, joint and muscle pain very bad like I've run a marathon. My whole body feels heavy and lead like and generally feeling like I've been hit by a large truck at high speed. However, it still doesn't take away the urge to actually want to sometimes and that's tough. We count ourselves lucky if it happens once or twice a year. I always had a very high sex drive and due to hormone problems it's not quite as much any more it can still be infuriating.

But do you know what? We've found having long and very open discussions (about anything and everything) brings us far closer together than nightly bedroom antics could. It feels satisfying and lasts longer than a 15min roll in the hay. I can't say it hasn't affected our relationship but you have to make the best of what you have and there are other things you can do besides the full bedroom athletics. I wish it could be different as I'm sure we all do.

Tips, make sure the room is very cool. Drink lots of fluids and up your salt beforehand. Take painkillers an hour beforehand. Don't lay down flat but be propped up if you can. The one who's health is better should obviously do more of the 'work'. Try not to move about and change positions. Of course, wait for a better day and rest for a day or two beforehand. Hope this helps.

[jenwic]

It seems that we all have varying degrees of what we are able to tolerate. For me, my husband and I have stopped having intimate relations at night because I get alot of adrenaline rushing through my body and can't sleep for hours afterwards. I offered to "pleasure him" at night without intercourse but he doesn't want me to be left out so we now only are intimate at other times of the day (the later in the day the better). I try to drink a lot of water beforehand.

We have layed awake many nights discussing this topic. I used to avoid going to bed until he was asleep but always felt guilty. Now that we openly discussed it things are better. However, I still feel shortchanged sometimes because the desire is still there.

Jenny

[willows]

I dont know if I'm one of the 'lucky ones' or 'unlucky ones' as far as this goes

My hubby is also disabled and has chronic pain problems as well as mobility, so in a way its like the blind leading the blind, we now lay in bed at night giggling about 'having a go' !!!!!!!!! but then remembering just what happen 'the last time'...............you see what with his back problems, knee, hip and head problems ( and only one hand ) and my hip, knee and hand problems ............well its a case of dream on.

Up to 2000 it wasn't 'to bad' but then I seemed to get worse very quickly and my pain level jumped from about 4 /10 to 8 /10 most days.

So when my hubby and I married in 2002 it took us 16 months before we could 'consummate the marriage ' loads of pain killers, fans on top speed and a bucket by the bedside............not what I'd call 'very romantic or on the spur of the moment '

So now we have decided that how ever much we love each other , care for each other .......adore each other , it is not worth the effort , pain and following discomfort to 'partake of nuptials' so we giggle away at night thinking up various devices to 'assist us' like ropes from the ceiling , etc.

We love each other so much that even with no intimacy , life is still wonderful each and every day we are together, and for a 50 year old who's falling to bits , well...........that isn't bad in my books. Willows

[nadine]

Well it sure seems that we all relate to this topic and I did read former thread. I think some of the tips mentioned here were helpful as well. Guess the most important is communication with our partners.

For those who don't have as supportive partners, I agree that counseling or education, sharing that other people are experiencing the same exact feelings may be helpful.

[labas_2u@shaw.ca]

Great topic!!

I've learned alot!

This was a subject that I have never discuss with my doctor, and I don't know why I haven't.

...thanks guys!

Maggs

[Guest CyberPixie]

By the way, don't know if this is an option for anyone but what about one of those sex swings that hang from the ceiling? You lay in it, your partner stands up and gently rocks the swing! I'm sat here wanting to laugh my head off at the thought but whatever helps right?

[Babettegall]

A great big THANK YOU for all of you who have posted a response to this particular area in our personal relationships. I was really, really worried that I was the only one who was getting sick after a intimate evening with my husband. I still suprise myself in thinking that somehow I'm the only person who experiences situations or symptoms related to POTS.......... I know, I should know better by now!

The kind words shared on this subject have strenghthened me to go ahead and finally confide in my husband of how love making makes me feel during and afterwards. He has been a true blessing in my life, and I'm not sure why I've doubted his not supporting me on this subject.

Maybe going forward, we will both be better able to find comfort in knowing that the issues belong to POTS, rather than any lost desire for one another.

I can't wait til he gets home from work, so we can talk about this!

Thanks again for posting and for all of you who so openly responded