Heavy Heart

[d4g7]

Hi Guys and Gals,

It's been a long time since my last post.

I've been diagnosed as being clinally depressed, and of course am no questioning my belief systems.

I've two close friends pass away recently due to what they call 'SADS'. And I find myself wishing I could trade places with one of them - they deserve to live much more than I do.

It's probably not the most positive thing to post, however, I find I am annoyed every time I wake up - I seem to be hoping that one day I won't wake up.

And I have more problems to face (not all mine) - being Buddhist - I guess I must have to face these things.

I have this awful POTS, however my mother seems to think it's a gift. It allows me to be more caring, artistic and intelligent.

I just wish I could get rid of some of the liguering anxiety that hangs over my head.

For one, I am sorry about a post/poll I posted about aliens - if you took offence, please don't, I would never make POTS or any Autonomic Nervious System a Disorder, a face that made it look like it was imaginary - I suffer the same as you.

And second, I would like to apoloise to Michelle - I went a bit off about a topic we know about, and think it may have been the depression, as I don't have any of those feelings. I trust you will find it in yout big heart to forgive me - It's been a hard time.

[Jacquie802]

Hi there,

Glad to see you're back on the forum. First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! Second of all, the posts were in the past, I personally didn't see either one...not that I can remember, LOL.

I'm sorry to hear about your 2 friends, and that you, yourself aren't feeling great. I wish I had some great advice to offer you, but I don't know what to say...I myself have days where I am sad,upset,etc. Honestly, with us being sick it wouldn't be normal to always be happy and having to deal with people around us who don't understand our day to day living doesn't help either. So hang in there, and I hope you have a great bday!

[dizzygirl]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your frineds.. that can help throw anybody into depression my dear.. or can make depression that is allready there.. worse...

learning to live with pots is very hard...I wish I had some words of wisdom for you..

living with chronic illness.. i think has the same kind of acceptance process I think.. depression is part of the process...But if you let the depression go and dont deal with it ti will over take your life...

hang in there!!

hugs

linda

[dawn]

I think most of us deal with depression. I was diagnosed with situational depression & anxiety when I could no longer work.

I can relate to what you say, I have offered my life to God on many occasions. Working as a school nurse and caring for a 5 year old who had an inoperable brain tumor, I would talk to God and say that I have had 50 years, my children are raised with the exception of my 16 year old. Let her have a miracle healing and take me. But.........

It is not up to us. Being of different religions (though my husband is Buddist) I am Christian. Without turning this illness over to God I couldn't do it.

We all need to find what comforts us and makes us keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Remember somedays are just so much worse than others. It will get better, when you feel so low it can only get better.

If you are like my husband you may believe in Karma, he accepts whatever happens as something that he is paying for in this life from something he did in a past life and that no matter how bad it seems he is actually moving forward. He had melanoma several years ago.

I won't get into a post on religion, but last summer I did see someone who helped me and I accepted God as my Lord and Savior in my heart and not just my head.

Don't get me wrong I still struggle, I get frustrated, I get depressed. But I feel like God is there to listen.

I wish you all the best-

Dawn