Stress/Life changes/POTS

[Guest CyberPixie]

Just spent ages typing out a post and lost it!!! ARGH! Too ill to type it all out again so briefly...

Anyway, I've been with my fiance for nearly 3yrs, he was meant to be moving in earlier this year and getting married in March. Due to a psycho mother in law, she stopped the wedding and bought on my severe POTS, we had so much stress for months because of her.

My fiance also has EDS 3, M.E and looks like he has POTS too.

We really want to live together and wondered if it was wise. I'm assuming it's longterm stress that makes POTS worse, though I'm guessing I could be a little worse for a week or two if he moved in while we settle down into living together. I know it'll be tiring, and I'm so tired most of the time anyway!

Also we cant get married unless we live together (his mother again, rolls eyes).

Anyone have any advice, suggestions, anyone done this while being so ill?

[d4g7]

Hi CyberPxie,

I know it's difficult having a chronic illness such as POTS, however life does go on, and you need to do whatever makes you happy (so long as it's legal and doesn't hurt anyone).

POTS is difficult enough in itself, so is starting a new relationship, or deciding to move in together as is your case. It will take time for both of you to adapt, but so long as it feels right, I recommend doing it.

Having a chronic illness is hard, if you have someone that is willing to hold you hand through it, don't let them go.

That's all I can say, unless you have reservations of course, that hopefully you can talk to your partner about.

[Guest CyberPixie]

Hi CyberPxie,

I know it's difficult having a chronic illness such as POTS, however life does go on, and you need to do whatever makes you happy (so long as it's legal and doesn't hurt anyone).

POTS is difficult enough in itself, so is starting a new relationship, or deciding to move in together as is your case. It will take time for both of you to adapt, but so long as it feels right, I recommend doing it.

Having a chronic illness is hard, if you have someone that is willing to hold you hand through it, don't let them go.

That's all I can say, unless you have reservations of course, that hopefully you can talk to your partner about.

I'm just scared the stress/upheaval/change in routine would finish me off. Fairly new to this POTS thing and as it's so severe still dont really know how much to push things and what my body can cope with.

Certainly not letting him go, he's the only thing that keeps me going. He's one in a billion.

[Gena]

I won't even try to give advice about whether you should follow your heart and do what you think is right - whatever that decision is... (that's what I would do ). However, I also know that stress, either acute or chronic, is one of the biggest, single factors in my POTS flares. I simply don't handle any kind of stress like I used to, pre-POTS.

Moving, a death in the family, changing jobs, getting married etc. can be stressful on healthy people and it can really takes its toll if you have a chronic illness.

One of the best things to do is plan ahead and prepare as much as possible if you do decide to move into together. This will help make the transition smoother and easier. And of course you may want to consider doing what you can alleviate the mother-in-law stress, especially if she plays a big role in your boyfriend's life. Also, conisder that if you both have chronic illnesses, will you be able to provide the emotional and caregiver type of support that he needs and vice versa, especially if you are both feeling badly on the same days? ON the bright side, you will probably be able to empathize with one another much more so than if you had a relationship where the other partner is completely healthy.

Well, I'm rambling, but I did just want to say that stress can definitely influence POTS flares, so be careful, take it easy and do whatever possible to make the transition easier on yourself.

Gena

[Guest CyberPixie]

I won't even try to give advice about whether you should follow your heart and do what you think is right - whatever that decision is... (that's what I would do ). However, I also know that stress, either acute or chronic, is one of the biggest, single factors in my POTS flares. I simply don't handle any kind of stress like I used to, pre-POTS.

Moving, a death in the family, changing jobs, getting married etc. can be stressful on healthy people and it can really takes its toll if you have a chronic illness.

One of the best things to do is plan ahead and prepare as much as possible if you do decide to move into together. This will help make the transition smoother and easier. And of course you may want to consider doing what you can alleviate the mother-in-law stress, especially if she plays a big role in your boyfriend's life. Also, conisder that if you both have chronic illnesses, will you be able to provide the emotional and caregiver type of support that he needs and vice versa, especially if you are both feeling badly on the same days? ON the bright side, you will probably be able to empathize with one another much more so than if you had a relationship where the other partner is completely healthy.

Well, I'm rambling, but I did just want to say that stress can definitely influence POTS flares, so be careful, take it easy and do whatever possible to make the transition easier on yourself.

Gena

My parents live with me and my mum is my carer, she also looks after my 10yr old son, who also has EDS 3 and looks like he has mild POTS.

My partner lives with his mum, so she is a big presence in his life.

I wouldnt really expect him to do anything for me in a care way, unless he wanted too. Although he does suffer with his health he's not quite as bad as I am and doesnt need the care I do. Emotionally it can be difficult when we both have a bad day but we both know how to work around it (stay out of each others way!!!). It is much better when you're both ill in a funny sort of way, we both understand more like you said.

We do have a fantastic relationship, are able to be really open and honest.

It's just the physical side really of how it would affect me.

[Poohbear]

Wow! Sounds like you've had a lot to deal with already!

Just to clarify (and you don't have to answer if you don't feel comfortable) would the two of you be living at your house with your parents?

If so, it sounds like your Mom would continue to assist you in the ways she has been. Would she also be able & willing to help your boyfriend if he moves in?

If your Mom and boyfriend get along and also have a good relationship then I think that would make a big difference.

Gena gave you some really good advice and mine is really along those same lines. It's really a complex and personal decision you have to make. All I can offer is #1 my support (which you have no matter what your decision and #2 the questions I would ask myself if I were in your shoes. Personally, I find journaling and writing these things down can help me see things more clearly.

1- What could be the positive outcomes of having my boyfriend move in with me?

2- If he would be moving in with you and your parents I would ask myself if my family is going to be able to be supportive emotionally and physically in helping us both? If not, what plans do I need to make for the situation to be less stressful on everyone (for example...if it would create extra stress on your Mom in terms of cooking and cleaning, would it be possible to hire someone to help do light cleaning, laundry or meal prep?)

3- What is my greatest fear about my boyfriend moving in and what would I do if that fear came true (Dr. Phil calls this playing the "What if" came and encourages people to do their best to decide ahead of time what they would do in a bad situation or crisis so that they know upfront that they have a plan of action they could carry through).

4- I would think about a plan or two (and talk to your boyfriend before he moves in) to handle the days when you are both feeling bad and make sure that you both agree and understand each other to the best of your abilities (which it sounds like you are already communicating with him a lot).

Hope this helps in some way!