Mrs. Glass Posted November 20, 2005 Report Share Posted November 20, 2005 Here I am up at 3 am again. I have just been sitting here replying to some of the topics, and trying to perk myself up. Its not working. I feel totally isolated this morning. Even though there is always someone with me, I just cant shake this feeling. Maybe its because it is Sunday and I cant even go to church anymore. I dont know. I just wish that I could sleep. One night last week I actually slept 11 hours! I was shocked, but then when I did get up I felt worse than I ever did. I just want my old life back! but thats not going to happen. I know that I am just on a pitty party, but I cant shake it. I heard my husband talking to my daughter yesterday, and at his work they have a wish list up. You are supposed to sign your name and put up what your Christmas wish is, well his is to have all of my medical bills paid. I know that he didnt do it to hurt my feelings, and I know the pressure he is under just to pay the bills, but I know that if I wasnt sick he wouldnt have to work so hard. He works 2 jobs and does side work and works on our house, and does most of the cleaning. My wish would be to take some of his pressure away. This morning I just want to scream! Just Get Me Out Of This Nightmare! Well I guess I will go for now. Even voicing hasnt helped. But I know that all of you understand what I am going through. I keep thinking if I could just get a little more sleep then maybe I could start thinking a little more clearly. Thanks for letting me vent. Vanessa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawg Tired Posted November 20, 2005 Report Share Posted November 20, 2005 Vanessa, I'm so sorry you are feeling isolated. I so well remember the same feelings. The only outlet I had for over a year was another board similar to this one. I too kept thinking that if only I could get enough rest I would be fine and get my old life back; I was the only support for my family so I really know how it is to see bills mounting up and helpless to fix it. I am so glad that you are here to talk to us when you feel like that, this is the place where everyone understands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d4g7 Posted November 20, 2005 Report Share Posted November 20, 2005 Hi Vanessa,It was only last week that I wanted to give up. Everything and everyone I treasure is/are slowing being taken away from me.Some of it is my fault, some of it isn't, and a lot of it is directly related to having this **** POTS.I too want my old life back, but I can't see that happening anytime soon. So, I am taking the advice from other people in this forum, and trying to take pleasure in the things that I can do.Although my partner is also concerned about the mounting medical bills along with the constant trips to the chemist for prescriptions, and they add up as well.I tried the other day to pretend I didn't have POTS and didn't take any meds at all, and tried not to think about it, but I ended up not being able to get out of bed for 2 days - so that's not a solution. I wish I could offer more advice, all I can say is that these feelings will pass, and there WILL come a time where you can enjoy the things you used to do.My thoughts are with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawg Tired Posted November 20, 2005 Report Share Posted November 20, 2005 Hey!! I have tried the Lets-Pretend-I'm-Not-Sick-Today game as well! It was great for about, oh, 30 minutes or so... Then the next 2-3 days reminded me to not do that again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taylortotmom Posted November 20, 2005 Report Share Posted November 20, 2005 Vanessa, I am so sorry your feeling so down. Most of us have reached that at some point or another. Illness is physically, financially, and emotionally draining. I will try to write more later but know you are in my thoughts. There was a long period of time that I thought my life would NEVER improve but it has to some extent. I will be thinking of you today. Don't feel defeated. There is still joy to be had.Carmen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4cem Posted November 20, 2005 Report Share Posted November 20, 2005 Just remember that we are here to listen and offer support. You are trying your best, you do not want to be the way you are, and I am sure your husband knows that too. Keep going for that day when you will be able to do a little more, then a little more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poohbear Posted November 20, 2005 Report Share Posted November 20, 2005 Sending warm thoughts your way and a big (((HUG))).I'm sorry you are having a difficult time but please know that we do care, we do understand and we are here to support you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyYount Posted November 20, 2005 Report Share Posted November 20, 2005 Hi,I was awake at 3 am too and I should have come on the board we could have chatted! I just wanted you to know that I am here I understand and you are not alone. Not really. We are not there in body but most definitely in spirit! And I find that even when I do vent on the site you are right it does not help right away. But as you read the responses it helps and then usually for me the next day I have recharged for the fight of each day! It is hard to be alone when you are so alone I know!I hear you and I understand.You are not alone and somehow someway we are all going to get through this. If not on our feet then certainly at our fingertips! ( I know I put that in another post but I just thought of it and love it so you guys maybe seeing g it a lot) Maybe I should add it to my signature!Hugs and wishing you a better day to day!Stacey:-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mary from OH Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Vanessa-I know that Chronic Illness can really drag you down. But, you have to remember that no matter what you are still a special person NO MATTER WHAT!! And there are people in the world who cannot do without you!! You did not ask for any of these illnesses!! And someday, hopefully, they can be better under control! It's nice that you have a supportive husband. That's a HUGE plus. Many people don't have that. Just hug him and thank him for being him and know that your body will be healed as soon as it can be. I know you believe in God and sometimes things are out of our hands and we have to "let go, and let God". This is one of those things. You are doing your best and going to the dr and following the orders... YES, it's frustrating and YES you will get down!! Come here and VENT away!! But also find a positive outlet for yourself too. If you can't go to church anymore, see if church can come to you!! Maybe you could hold a weekly Woman's Bible Study at your house from woman from your church? That way you are still connected and hearing God's word. That seems to be one thing that is bothering you. Also, try to find other ways to "keep the faith". Read books, do some crafts, cut coupons... Anything to make you feel "useful". I'm sure that people from your Church would be more than willing to help out and bring by books from the library or some crafts to do or anything. Just ask... It's difficult sometimes.I pray that you can find some comfort in all of our words and know that you're NOT alone!! But, I can relate to your feeling of feeling alonge even though people were always around..... Please know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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