POTS and intimacy

[Michelle Sawicki]

Ditto what Nina said. There are no hard feelings on my part. Let's just move on.

Michelle

[momofpreciousboy]

Can beta blockers affect desire? Jennifer TX

[MightyMouse]

Jennifer, I've been told by my cardio that, yes, beta blockers can lessen sexual response; part of sexual response is an elevation in bp and heart rate. If you're on a medication that blocks that response, functioning can be effected.

Desire, however, is somewhat different. Desire is a complicated combination of thought patterns and physical response. In discussions with my doctor, for me, exhaustion is the primary impediment. I'm just too darned tired to think about sex--those thoughts compete with my desire to SLEEP, and given the choice between the two, I choose sleep everytime. I often choose sleep over food too. Chronic illness, of any kind, can really get in the way of the sexual part of a relationship.

I've been diagnosed for almost as long as Teri and I have been together--and it was clear at the beginning of our relationship that I was ill even if it was not-yet-named or understood. We try to spend time together where we just hug, talk, laugh--it's not a replacement for other types of intimacy, but it's a stop-gap measure so we stay emotionally close.

I often feel guilty that I am the one who has to always be in control of the time/place of intimacy; but it's part of our relationship that we talk about, that Teri has validated and volunteered to me, as mine to have because it's necessary. If I get better someday, we can have a more "even" decision making role...but not everything in a relationship can be completely even or equal.

This, again, is a very sensitive topic (no pun intended)--and points out the fact that at times, anyone here might require assistance from a doctor, counselor or therapist to help work through the very complex maze of what is a physical manifestation of our disorder or side effect of medication, and/or an emotional or mental issue. Intimacy is effected by all three.

Nina

[lizzy]

hi'

i have been reading ,now,cannot relpy to your post.Sorry inavance of spelling and gramer!

IM 43 ,marrid 22years.we allways had a great "appetite for closness".we still do in some ways but sex is not there at all any more. Im to sick, and HE IS AFAIRD to touch me. we try to told about it he juct cannot.I passout one time after ,now he is afraid i would died a happy wife.i miss this closness but he does not think im worth the risk.gets me mad.at times.

[dianaD]

Hi guys,

I'm kind of embarrased to tell you guys this, but hey, what are friends for, right?

I was having trouble with "getting in the mood" UNTIL I tried some of the warming KY liquid. I think because my blood vessels over respond to certain stimuli, it actually makes my libido BETTER than it was before POTS! I kid you not.

It causes vasodilation in "that area", and the desire goes right up with it! With POTS, I get too much vasodilation sometimes, causing migraines, pooling blood, you all know what I'm talking about. Well, I think my response to that warming liquid is more than what a non-POTS person would experience. Very effective.

Mind you, sometimes I just cannot/will not be intimate if the symptoms are too bad, but it has helped me TREMENDOUSLY.

Have fun!

Diana

[MightyMouse]

there is another product, that is otc, called Zestra, which does the same thing. It was recommended to me by my doctor.

Nina

[joyrose]

Hi Everyone. It's just us in the room, right? OK.

Well, you can see by my medical history at the bottom of this frame that I've got a long and painful 30 years behind me in the 27 years of marriage. My husband knew that I wasn't strong and healthy, but he took me as I was.

Intimacy is your relationship with your mate, expressing it in the way of the golden rule-do unto others as they would to unto you. As much understanding and thoughtfulness as you want, make sure that you are remembering to give it.

Sex in the 27 years of our marriage has been wonderful and exciting, and we've had two children.

Sex is also other things too. Sometimes we've laughed the entire time.

I've also cried from beginning to end. I'm happy to be loved and I can't believe someone could love someone this sick, or my body hurts so much.

The act is an awesome gift that you can give to your mate. It doesn't have to look like a movie set, it just needs to be loving, even if you'd rather not be loved in this way right now.

We like to be loved by someone getting our meds, making a cup of tea, taking care of kids, earning money, rubbing our back... you name it.

Look at this person who loves you. Try to figure out what would make it the least painful for you and when you would be the least exhausted.

If it is your body that embarasses you, hiding undersweats and not being intimate doesn't help you or your mate. Your self confidence in whatever size body you are in today is what can work.

Even if your desire is low or non existent, you can still desire to please your mate. You can desire to see that smile that nobody else sees.

I have tried, in the last 27 years, to hardly ever say "no," or ever stop chasing him.

Now I've never shared any of this with anyone else and I'd appreciate it if it would stay just between us! Deb

[Ernie]

Hi Deb,

I read your post a few times because it is very comforting. I agree wholeheartedly with what you say.

Thanks for posting it.

[MightyMouse]

Joyrose, what a sweet way to put everything in perspective. After 13 years together, T & I have had about the same course as you describe; and sex is just one part if intimacy.

It's hard sometimes to get over the guilt feelings when too ill to do more than just hold each other--but sometimes that's all I have left.

All I can say to those of you out there is that you have to keep the lines of communication open with you and your partner; that means talking about the difficult topics. There are times when I need reassurance and asked point blank "do you resent me for not being able to have sex?", "are you going to leave me?" In my heart I know that we're together 'til the end, but sometimes emotions and my somewhat defective brain takes over and gets in a bad thought pattern. Rather than ruminate on it for too long, I just ask. We usually both end up crying and laughing at the same time.

I also have to say, that when the times are good or at least a bit better, I relish them...and try to hold them in my heart to help me through the toughest times.

Nina

[dizzygirl]

Joy rose..

aww.. your post moved me to tears..I am so happy that you have a man that is so "intuned" so to speak.. and I agree w/ alot of what you said...I just think that its wonderful that your hubby has stuck by you even during being sick.. no matter what...

I'd like to hold onto that and think that maybe one day i will find Mr. right... and he will accept me as I am... not ry to change me to fit the perfect mold of His expectations...

anyways.. your post was very good...

hugs dizz