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just a bit of venting


luckygoat3
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okay most of you probably don't remember too much, i have posted here and there but just not up to posting as much as i should. i just need to let this out, and of course it involves family. :) i have this chance to go to a conferance (you will think i am nuts but it's about goats --- new info on USDA stuff). anyways i want to go alone since i am now 20 and it's only 60 miles away (one way). my mom is concerned about my car (which i have no clue why), i think she has a fear of me doing something funny -- but in reality i am doing better and why can't she trust me?

anyways, i got my way and going alone saturday...so ya i feel better, since i don't want my mommy sitting in the car waiting for me, and i can leave when i want and whatnot. it may seem selfish for me to go alone but i am tired of being treated like i am 8, plus a certain doctor told me to live my life. :):)

susie

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susie -

first, i am SO sorry that i haven't emailed you back yet...i will by the end of the weekend...promise!

second, i hate to say it, but your mom is just being a mom. that doesn't mean that you can't be frustrated and annoyed and whatnot. and i'm glad that you did get your way & will be able to go on your own, but the fact that your mom is worried is most likely b/c she cares & she worries...not b/c she doesn't trust you. it's more likely that she doesn't trust the things that are out of all of our control....cars that break down, health that hasups & downs, all the untrustworthy people of the world, etc. it's a normal thing for moms & is even more exagerated when health has been an issue, even if you're doing better. i'm 25 & my mom worries & in some ways is more protective about me that when i left for college at 17 solely b/c of health stuff. it's a hard situation to be in but you & your mom will sort through it & come out okay in the end.

but enough of that. i hope you have a super time & learn lots about your four-legged friends!

:) melissa

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Being a mother it is our job to worry. Sometimes as young adults we forget to look at the possibilty of things. I am sure your mother just worries about you going alone. The world isn't as safe as it used to be. People now days kill you just to join a gang or to see what it feels like. I know that it is difficult to understand , but your mothers greatest fear would be losing you. Kepp this in mind and be careful on your journey.

Rita s

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I love goats and think they are adorable but only occassionally see them along side of the road in the country.

My sister has some massage therapist, vegan friends who have an animal sanctuary on nice property. They recently rescued a goat named Elvis (Named before they got it) I saw his photo.

Do you raise goats?

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hey guys,

thanks for the boost, i think she worries too much, but i guess that's her job. i have never really "tested" the limits as to push her, so it's new for both of us. my brother really never pushed, so ya.

well, goat people are differant, they really care about each other, so i know i am in good hands. :)

I raise goats for dairy and meat, i currently have 12 and they keep my going, as some docs said that is a full time job when they start birthing, but it's worth it. and you can call me the crazy one that took 9 to the fair....a lot of work.

anyways, i think i am doing the right thing going, i was looking foward to this for a couple of weeks, but put my RSVP in yesterday....the late susie. ;)

susie

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I can see both sides of this; it would be hard for a mother not to worry (especially given the added health issues) and from your perspective you want your independence. Maybe you could reassure her by reminding her you want/need to do this for yourself but you understand her fears for you and maybe you could suggest that you arrange a time or two each day to check in with each other by phone. Maybe that would help you both meet some of your needs and it would be realistic goal for both of you.

I'm excited for you that you're getting to do this. Have fun and let us know how it goes.

Sounds interesting!

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as a mom myself i can totally relate to your mom. but of course you ahve to find your own limits. make sure that your mom can trust you, or that she knows you're in good hands. that will help the both of you in letting go! have a real nice time with the goats (we have lots in my country, i think they're so big and a bit scary, sorry!!!). i like the little ones (i think they're called mountain goats?)

corina ;)

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Susie -

As other people have said, your mom's greatest fear is losing you. You do need to have a discussion with your mom about the truth of this: when a loved one has serious health issues, it causes those around them to treat them as younger. This is because as humans, we are used to equating the level of care a person needs with their mental and emotional maturity. One of the budens we bear in this forum is that we are not normal in that regard. We may need people to cook for us, clean for us, drive us places often, but we would be quite mentally and emotional capable of leading independent, separate lives if just our bodies would let us.

But people not in our situation equate all that cooking, cleaning, driving with immaturity and have difficulty separating the physical dependence from the mental and emotional independence.

And truthfully, maybe they shouldn't have to. Perhaps it's quite difficult to give that much care physically without also wanting to care emotionally and mentally at the same time. If we are asking them to do so much for us in physical ways, perhaps that means we should tolerate them wanting influence in those other ways as well.

Here's my experience: I've been married 15 years. I've been sick with POTS for 5 months. I had a big crash in July that I am just now getting out of. Well, in that time my wife has had to do a lot for me. Drive me to work (I worry about having a problem while driving, and ethically, until I can feel out of this slump, I won't), bring food to me instead of me at a table, fetch stuff for me, etc. Really, in some ways, watch over me like she would a child. Well, what else has happened? She has started watching and commenting on how much I eat, how much I sleep, other stuff like that.

Do I need help being told what to do in those areas? Absolutely not. Do I like being asked those things? Absolutely not. Do I accept that as part of the package? Absolutely yes. Because I need her to worry in so many new areas, I really can't complain if she adds a few additional of her own. She is now, my caregiver. And she is not a puppet. If as part of the 'sickness or health' of a marriage vow, she has to do this, then I really can't expect to control exactly what she worries about. So I accept those additional areas, usually without complaint (I am human too.)

Please learn to live with your mom - who needs to do so much for you - you may 'crash' with your symptoms next week - I hope not! - but you may. You may need her again, for many things. Don't begrudge the fact that she is human and will have worries you wish she didn't have - especially because you do need, at times, her to worry about so much.

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Hi Susie,

I don't think we have met. Hello ;) ..I am 39,,(yikes!!) and a Mom. Always swore I would never be to my kids as my Mom was and at times, still is to me. But, must be genetics, starting to sound like her more and more.. Your Mom is being protective, having a child that is ill or has been very ill at some point puts us in that mode. My kids are still young but I remember when I was about your age wanting to borrow the car and go hang out. I had to beg/plead, you would think that I had a "hit me" bumper sticker on my car or something that she was so worried that something would happen. Well anyway, Mom will most likely get used to your being independent, slowly though.

I give you a lot of credit for getting out there and doing this on your own. It is something you sound like you really want to do. Hmmm, the only time I have gotten close to a goat is going to the local plant nursery and they have some animals there for the kids to feed during the fall.

You go and enjoy. Just keep Mom in the loop with some calls to let her know you are fine.

Have fun! Baaa, I mean Bye!

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Welcome Susie -- I don't think I've run into you yet I.

Have a wonderful time at the convention! Two of my dearest friends raise goats (3 right now). I got to go with them when they picked them out as kids at the breeder's farm several years ago. They are such sweet animals -- my friends' dad has a high stress job, so whenever he came home from work he'd take his 30 minute "Goat break." He found watching and playing with them very relaxing.

Enjoy your time -- glad you're feeling up to going!

Angela

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thanks guys,

now i understand some of this, but when i crash i am usually home alone (i hate to say that but it's true), so i fend for myself, if it's putting a movie in, feeding myself, no shower, and of course just trying to sleep it off. i know my mom has a right to worry, it's in her will. the conferance is only 4 hours, so it's not a long time but the other conferance i want to go is an all day thing, and i would spend the night before---it's next weekend.

of course i would call her, as um i am not too good w/ directions--i am the same one who got lost sunday picking up a goat with dad --- but i got the directions i need to attend this conferance and of course it should be easy, NO back roads. ;) but ya i usually call when i arrive and before i leave somewhere.

thank you guys sooo much,

susie

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HI all,

thought i would give an update...mom drove me. :( but i think it had to be done i was kinda out of it friday night and mom's worry. so ya some highlights were, getting pulled over for going 65 in a 55 mph zone (and i wasn't driving :P ), getting lost, not my fault this time. and of course the conferance it was nice but not the best...learned some. :)

so all in all it went okay...

susie

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Sorry things didn't go quite as well as expected, Susie. :) I'm glad you were well enough to make it to the convention, though.

I had one day about 3 months ago when I felt absolutely great. I felt 21 and was raring to get out of the house on my own. :) I went out shoe shopping at 9am and by 10:30am I was sitting in the car ready to drive myself home, ridiculously proud of myself for planning everything out so well.

What of course happened to mar my blissful morning? :) The dratted car engine refused to start! :) After many phone calls and a long time waiting in the air-conditioned store, the tow-truck arrived at about 12:30! :) I felt so sick and exhausted and loopy! :) My parents were out-of-state, and I couldn't find anyone else to pick me up! It was miserable! Because of traffic (spent with a young driver relating his lonliness and asking me out on a date no less! :( ) and a hold up at the mechanic's, I didn't get home until 2:00pm. :P I haven't been out alone since! :)

Thanks for keeping us updated!

Angela

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understanding both sides. since my daughter and i both have this condition. but we also both share a tendency in the frustration of let me do this myself or try to. living with this if there is anything that i can do, i want to do it. and sometimes i get frustrated trying to do what i used to do but can not now. other times i am grateful for help when i really do need it.

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susie -

i'm sorry things didn't go exactly as you'd hoped but am glad that you were able to still go (and that you didn't go on your own & then end up ill while there...)

hang in there,

:-)melissa

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