sallyann Posted September 2, 2005 Report Share Posted September 2, 2005 hi how do you expain to relatives that you are too sick in the mornings to attend the funeral of your uncle?this forum is the only place where i think people will understand .i know my relatives wont . they see me when i feel well enough to be seen. they never have seen me sick (or came to see me in the hospital)(or call to see if i am ok).if i have not attended a function there has been anger. my uncles funeral is at 8;45 in the morning , and as many of you know i am extremely ill in the mornings . its impossible for me to attempt to leave the house and drive for an hour . i tried to tell my brothers wife that i may not be able to make it ,and her respone was i should try to attend around 10;00.yeah like that hour and 15 minutes is really going to make a difference.i will just tell my pots and cvs and ncs that it has to stop early that day!!!! anyway any suggestions on how to handle this situation?thanks sallyann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaColumbus Posted September 2, 2005 Report Share Posted September 2, 2005 Is there any way you can go up a day ahead of time and get a hotel for the night? I do that when I have a morning appointment with one of my out of town docs. I don't function in the mornings either. For that matter I don't function in the afternoon or evening either, but mornings are definitely worse.I am so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morgan617 Posted September 2, 2005 Report Share Posted September 2, 2005 I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like there is a fair amount of friction already and add the stress of your illness, it's a recipe for disaster. I know it's hard, but I would just say, I am too ill and just can't make it. They already have problems believing you're really sick and no one comes to see or help you, so I don't think you should feel obligated to make yourself even sicker. Your uncle isn't going to care, and the rest of the relatives can just get over themselves. You really have to take care of you, even if it's a little uncomfortable. We all have important things we don't like to miss, but if we could control the way our bodies were, none of us would be sick. You don't have to defend yourself to anyone. Good luck, and again I'm very sorry for your loss...morgan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sallyann Posted September 2, 2005 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2005 thank you lisa and morganmorgan,yes there is quit a bit of friction.i took your advice and sent an e- mail to my brother explaining that i am just too sick to attend and for those who dont understand i cannot help that. i have not seen or spoke to my uncle since the death of my mother many years ago.i have fond memories of him from my childhood though . i have sent my love and sympathy to the family.it felt good that for the first time i didnt make any apologies for my illness.i didnt ask for it , its not my faullt.thanks for you advice, sallyann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Posted September 2, 2005 Report Share Posted September 2, 2005 Hi Sallyann, that's a hard situation to be in. You are handling it beautifully though. My sympathies to you and your family. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poohbear Posted September 2, 2005 Report Share Posted September 2, 2005 SallyAnn,I'm so sorry for your loss. On top of that I know it's hard to deal with the family issues. I think you did the right thing. If you really felt a need for YOU, yourself to be there then I agree withLisacolumbus reply and that's what I would do too---go the night before and take a supportive friend for ME to help me out if needed.If you feel you continue to get negative stuff from family then maybe you can decide if it's worth writing a letter and explaining our condition, make them aware that mornings are too difficult for you....that maybe in the future they could keep this in mind when making arangements for something they expect you to attend.I know it's hard but try to focus on yourself and what your needs are regardless of what your family says or does.((((Hugs)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sallyann Posted September 2, 2005 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2005 thanks for you support laura and poohbear ireally needed it.the hotel suggestion is a good one.but whether home or ina hotel i am still too sick to be able to stand up in the a.m..sometimes my day doesnt begin until early evening.when ever i have traveled i have to pay for an extra day because i am unable to leave the hotel room by the 11 or 12;00 checkout.i usually cant leave until around 3;00 or 4;00.i really cant function until evening.thanks again . i knew i could count on all of you to understandsallyann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KathyP Posted September 5, 2005 Report Share Posted September 5, 2005 Hi SallyAnn;I agree with Morgan. You know what you can handle. I have missed several funerals and weddings for family members. What makes it worse for me is that they don't understand and my 2 older sisters are nurses. One is a cardiology nurse to boot. I feel there was nothing wrong with you deciding not to go because of your medical condition in the morning. You did the right thing by calling the family of the deceased and giving them your condolences. You don't OWE anyone an explanation. If they can not accept your decision then that is their tuff luck.Hang in there. This too will pass and before you know it, if you have family like mine, they will find something else to nit-pick you about.Take care,KathyP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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