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have you lost friends since being ill


gertie
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I have Dysautonomia, Meniere's, Migraines, Fibromyalgia , & severe allergies to mention a few things that keep me from being a social person.  I don't drive anymore & always enjoyed the calls of friends.   It seems as time has gone by I get less & less calls.  I did call them occasionally but when they didn't call I stop calling them because I don't want to be pushy.  I realize I am boring & don't have anything to gossip about it is a little hurtful that when we get where we can't do things for others they have no use for us.  I was always careful not to complain about how I felt physically because I know no one likes to hear it.  Just wonder if anyone else has had this problem? Thanks.

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Oh yeah.  Once I couldn't get out anymore a large number of friends disappeared.  I don't even get many emails anymore unless I email first.  I try to remember that they are all busy people dealing with their own lives.  It doesn't really bother me much anymore.  Those that stick around are worth their weight in gold.  I also have my dogs which are good company and the best husband ever so I know I am lucky.  

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Yes. I don't have much in common with people my age any more, I guess. They are working and training for half marathons, tracking their runs on social media. I am not able to work and some days can't walk to the mailbox. I have 3 friends left from my old life. It isn't their fault. They just don't do the things that I do now.

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Most of my daughter's friends are online.  They can pick and choose who they like and some have the same conditions they have so they can be there for each other, and others are just people they have other things in common with.  I have met some truly wonderful people online, some I've met here and text when we have a moment.  They are priceless!

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Yes, I lost some friends.  Two very good friends in particular.  In retrospect those weren't the best friendships for me anyway.  I select much better now.  Good riddance to them!

You do have to cut your friends ad family a little bit of a break.  It is hard to know how to deal with someone with chronic illness.  Even the people that sort of get it don't really understand what it feels like.  So I would get a lot of - oh do you want to go to dinner somewhere 1 hour away - and of course it was easier for me to be nearby, but they didn't understand, couldn't step into my shoes.  That was frustrating, but maybe not their fault.  They shouldn't have to stick around here every time just for me. And  I'll admit, if I hadn't have gone through it myself I wouldn't understand either.

Also in order to keep a friendship you have to be able to support other people and participate in activities and it is hard to do so and be reliable in our state. Frankly I wasn't able to enjoy myself and was probably a stick in the mud to be around. 

I think I pulled back from some friendships to focus on my health, but was able to reconnect when I started to feel better.  I also made many new friends to replace the old ones over time.  It takes time.  Hang in there.

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I have lost many dear friends along the way, and it does hurt but a lot of them didn't understand what was going on with me or  had busy lives with their families and or careers. You find out who you true friends are when you're dealing with chronic illnesses. I've been blessed to have a few close friends stay with me and I know that they've got my back. And when some friends leaves, sometimes God bring new friends into your life.  The friendships I have I cherish and are priceless to me.  

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Thanks for all your support.  Being a senior most of my long time friends & close family have died.  I think I'm getting where I had rather be by myself.  It's stressful listening to everyone's problems & not being able to help them.   That sounds selfish but it's true.

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Gertie, it isn't selfish at all.  Most of us need all of our energy just to get through our own day.  The people who try to burden you with their problems when you are chronically ill - and elderly in your case - are the ones who are selfish, not you.

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Yes, I have experienced this. When I was working, most of my friends were through my job, but when I was no longer able to work, it was just a note or text for a speedy recovery. I wish that were the case:) 

It is lonely sometimes, but yet as others have said, it does require energy to socialize, and I must admit, I am too tired most days. 

I have enjoyed emailing with a friend I met on this site. We have been pen pals for about 8 years now!

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I think I'm going through some of this right now. Although my friends are very understanding and are truly good people, it's just hard to maintain friendships when I never have the energy to adequately contribute to those friendships. And I don't think it's realistic to expect everyone else to overcompensate for my illness, because even if they're able-bodied, everyone has their own things to deal with. 

That being said, my illness has also brought me new friendships with people who share similar struggles. 

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