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I Am Finding Everything So Difficult To Cope With Lately.


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I don't know what to do with myself at all.

I would say that these past 3-4 weeks have been mentally very exhausting for me. I'm finding it so hard being in my body. On top of my usual Dys symptoms I've started to have memory issues and constant deja vu. I am constantly doubting myself. I can't trust my memory any more. I can't escape my mind. I am only 24.

I've been to my Dr & I'm waiting for a neurology appointment, but I just feel so broken. I don't feel like *me*, I feel almost nothing inside any more, sometimes I feel sad, sometimes I feel useless and disappointed in myself. I can't explain it. I just can't escape my sadness or my stupid memory. I can barely type out these words because it seems like such a task just trying to form sentences that make sense.

I wish I could talk to someone, but I feel ashamed. Like there's no point. I am beyond repair, a waste of time. I can't deal with having to explain things to people either, "Why don't you do to school? Can't you study? Why can't you walk around? Surely if you just walk a little every day your heart will get stronger and you'll get better! Huh, guess you're just lazy....." I just can't do it anymore.

I want to be more for my family, I want to be a normal, healthy daughter. A healthy, happy girlfriend. A friend who can actually go do things. I don't want to worry people any more. I don't want to be this way. I am constantly plagued with the feeling that I am not good enough and I never will be. I will always be broken. I don't know what to do. It hurts so much and I can't escape it.

I'm sorry if this post upsets anyone, I just have nowhere else to go. Thank you if you read this.

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Hi Millyaulait

I am sorry you're going through such a difficult time. This is a tough illness and the symptoms we get are challenging to deal with, BUT please don't give up hope! I have been ill for years, but have very slowly (& with lots of ups and downs along the way) improved and enjoy a good quality of life again now. That is the experience of many on this forum and you are only young, so you are better placed than most to enjoy a recovery. As you go through this illness you need to ask for psychological help when you need it; either from family & family, or from your doctor or a psychologist. I found getting professional help made a big difference, in particular in helping with coping strategies. It's a tough illness, but you 're not alone and the current symptoms will pass . Please ask for help from those close to you. Wishing you all the best.

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