IceLizard Posted January 16, 2014 Report Share Posted January 16, 2014 I've fought really hard, but it all came crashing down anyway.Because what I was fighting against was reality.Wanting something with all your heart isn't enough.When want you want is fundamentally outside your capabilities.It is so so difficult to find and accept your own limits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoGiuliana Posted January 16, 2014 Report Share Posted January 16, 2014 Well said and acknowledged. It is very hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sue1234 Posted January 16, 2014 Report Share Posted January 16, 2014 I have learned over the last 8 years with POTS that I cannot just will myself through my limitations. I might be able to push myself for 5 minutes more, or accept that my scary heart and head feelings are going to pass back into my normal, but I cannot just go live life like I don't have POTS. It does limit me in what I can and can't do. Oh sure, I can push myself, but then what would happen? I would either pass out and injure myself, or have to make an ER visit to contain the symptoms. That is just not the smart thing to do. Prevention of bad symptoms is the key.You are right. It is very hard to accept our limits. But I have to do it for self-preservation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IceLizard Posted January 16, 2014 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2014 Sue1234,Can you work or go to school?I am finding out that graduate school is too much for me and I will probably either have to take a break or quit altogether. I have a research scholarship, so this is really traumatic for me. I have never been able to do anything full-time for very long. I am trying not to get disheartened, but it is difficult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tobiano Posted January 16, 2014 Report Share Posted January 16, 2014 Very well said. Pushing through symptoms and acting strong willed buys me some time but the crash is inevitable, and usually worse than if I had just listened to my body in the first place. Over time, I have learned to be kinder to myself but still have much learning to do. It's hard to find and accept your limits with a condition that fluctuates. My limits one day can be different than my limits the next day.I don't really have any words of wisdom but I definitely can relate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bellgirl Posted January 16, 2014 Report Share Posted January 16, 2014 I believe it is extra difficult for the young or young at heart. Most here, from what I have read over time, were extremely active, driven and very athletic, too. So sorry IceLizard; that is very hard when you have done so well in school to obtain a scholarship, and can't finish. My heart goes out to you!! What you said is not only true but very poetic, and melancholy. Prayers for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yogini Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Would you consider taking time off of school? Or reducing your schedule? I think schools have to accommodate people with disabilities, so maybe you can work something out. I did this with my job - which was very prestigious, but taxing, and was the best thing I could have ever done. After 2 years of working I reduced my hours to 80% then when that didn't work I took 1 1/2 years off. I was using a ton of mental and physical energy to make it through each day; That same energy I used to take care of myself. Believe it or not I have been back at work for 5 years. The work/school will be there again when you are ready. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sue1234 Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 Icelizard, no, I cannot work in the normal sense. I cannot drive due to my eyes not staying focused on the road(something to do with the fast-moving environment). I help out in our small business, but I don't do much. And, sometimes I can't do anything for a couple of months, so I am not reliable.I'm sorry that you might not be able to complete something that is so interesting to you. Like Yogini said, maybe it is something you can pick back up in a few years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Confusedguy Posted January 17, 2014 Report Share Posted January 17, 2014 I fully accept my illness and work around it. It will not control me or beat me. It's simply adapt and continue. There are certain things that set me up for hard attacks like the gym. I still go 6 days a week and deal with the after affects. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
looneymom Posted January 18, 2014 Report Share Posted January 18, 2014 It's hard to accept limits but never give up finding what helps you to overcome POTS or to become more functional. I believe it will happen for all of us on this forum eventually. Some members have already become more functional and have learn to accept this as part of their life. They continue to post and give us assurance that life can get better. Hang in there and try to live your life at it's fullest.Rachel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmreber Posted January 19, 2014 Report Share Posted January 19, 2014 IceLizard, a friend of mine who has Lymes shared this with me, and I thought it was beautiful:"In illness, you're suddenly not yourself anymore. The question is: Are you going to cling in panic to some idealized self that no longer exists? Or are you going to cross the threshold and acknowledge that you're on a journey, though you don't know to where? You haven't chosen it, but now you're different in some way. This is one reason physical illness shows up as a turning point in so many spiritual biographies or as the catalyst of shamanic initiation. It's a profound shock to the system. It dislodges you. You look in the mirror, and one of the unfortunate ill stares back. But in a way, you could say that disease also abrades away, painfully, all of these superficial ways in which we judge our worthiness, even life's worthiness. Our worthiness, as in: "Am I strong, beautiful, competent, undamaged goods?" Or life's worthiness, as in: "Life is good only when it makes me happy, or aggrandizes me, or favors my enterprise." But who's bigger, you or life? There's a Rilke poem Robert Bly has translated: "This is how he grows - by being defeated, decisively, by ever greater beings." by Marc Ian Barasch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kms1990 Posted January 20, 2014 Report Share Posted January 20, 2014 CMReber - that is very inspirational. Focusing on things I can do and working hard at those things have made my life so much better it's unbelievable... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmreber Posted January 20, 2014 Report Share Posted January 20, 2014 Kms1990,I feel the same way! I spent so much of the beginning of this journey mourning the loss of the person I used to be and focusing on the things that I could no longer do, it felt like things were never going to be okay. But once I started focusing on what was possible and figuring out ways to work towards making other things become possible, it changed everything. And I honestly believe that my shift in perspective and attitude really helped the healing process. Things have been so much better for me just in the last 6 months, it is astounding. And though there may be things that will never be the same again, and there might still be limitations (and there WILL be bad days, of course), my acceptance of those things has made me overall a much happier person, which makes me feel a lot more like that person I was spending all of my time mourning the loss of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueskies Posted January 22, 2014 Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 Hi all, I'm getting smashed trying to stand in line or when I'm walking -- again. My vision whites out, I feel nauseous, I get extremely dizzy and feel like I'm losing my balance and then I start to feel panicky (although I've been like this before -- many times and can't think why it's causing me to panic unless the panic is just another symptom that I get when I force myself to stay standing. I also will often get migraine, start sweating profusely OR have dry hot skin etc I'm back to using a walking stick but can't help wondering if I'm not at a place where I need a walker I can sit on or more securely, I wheel chair. This would be giving in for me. I think I need to change that attitude. Perhaps I'll be forced to give in. It's so hard to know if I'm making things worse by forcing my body to stand when it's doing everything short of syncope to tell me to sit/lie down. I'm having a bit of a crisis of 'finding/knowing' what my limits are. blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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