My Letter To Pots

[weathermandj]

@ophelialit wrote a letter to POTS and I thought it was brilliant, so I decided to write my own letter to POTS too!

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Dear POTS,

I am writing this letter to you to let you know what I think of you. You are so weird and you make my life difficult. At first, I was in denial that I had you in my life, but now I know you’re here to stay, unfortunately. You are so mysterious that many doctors don’t know much about you. You silly goose punk!

I hate how you make it difficult for me to stand up for long periods of time. This means that I can not perform chores that require me to stand up (which is every chore). I can’t look forward to a future of being able to enjoy activities of standing, whatever that activity may be.

You create anxiety for me. Not from just having you and knowing that you’re in my life, but you cause anxiety from the adrenaline surges you produce. This further complicates my life and the anxiety problems that doctors are currently trying to treat. Doctors are so unfamiliar with you that they don’t know how to treat the anxiety from you, POTS. You idiot. You make leaving the house more difficult because of the increased anxiety and because of not being able to stand.

I have constant fatigue. It’s debilitating. I have to put on an act to try to look and act as “normal” as possible. But some days I can’t. I have to sit all day or lay down. The tachycardia you produce further makes the fatigue worse.

Oh, and urinary retention. How you make me not able to pee, at random times. This may sound weird, but I used to take being able to pee for granted. Now, I go to the bathroom some times and have to self cath because of POTS. I cried when that started. Please stop POTS.

I can’t enjoy the summers. You make my tachycardia so bad that I have to stay in the air conditioning. The heat and humidity makes my POTS so much worse. I just want to be “normal”. The chest pain you produce is not any fun either.

The nausea you produce is so bad that I have trouble eating meals. I have to take Zofran 3 times-a-day. This just makes my life that much more miserable. Please stop POTS.

The brain fog, and insomnia that you produce is very difficult for me. I have a hard time thinking from the lack of blood flow to my brain from POTS. Then, the insomnia from the surges of adrenaline and noradrenaline from POTS causes me not to sleep well. I’m jittery and always on-edge. POTS, please stop doing this to me.

POTS, you have caused me so much pain and suffering and I’m only one year into this with you. Please stop and allow me to live in peace.

I Hate you,
WeathermanDJ

[Tobiano]

Weathermandj,

Thank you for sharing this. Can I borrow the "silly goose punk" expression sometimes?? Never heard that one before but it's a really good one in this context!

I saw both of your posts this morning. I can't believe the combination of everything you are going through right now. It must be so difficult. I'm glad you found this forum - we are here to listen any time. I hope you find more relief along your journey.

[weathermandj]

Thanks. lol Yeah, sure. I made it up because I thought it was funny. xD

[Lemons2lemonade]

Might I add?! (by the way, great therapy).

Dear Pots,

You have been with me for a long time and i always knew you were there. You sat there, behind everything i did-- in the back of my mind feeding and festering. Until one day, i could fend you off no longer. You sent me to places i thought i could never experience while still alive. You have made me question everything within me and to search indefinitely for an answer to your obscure and irrational cause. At first, i thought i could overpower you, and i tried so dearly for a long time. Pots, you have brought me the most suffering i have ever had in my entire life. But in the end, i have to thank you. Thank you, you say?! Yes. Thank you. You have taught me empathy, self restraint, and self control that i never perceived to be possible. You challenge me every day to be positive and to outthink you and for that i am grateful. Because although the road you have given me is a tough one, i can feel happy and proud that i overcome you. And not so much that i overcome you, but that we can coexist peacefully and functionally within my body. Pots, you feed off my fear and you have given me courage--the type that most never get to experience. I never take for granted the good days because you often remind me how bad it can really be. I feel lucky to have you, because believing that any moment could be my last has made my life that much greater. Thank you for not being something much, much worse.

[weathermandj]

Might I add?! (by the way, great therapy).

Dear Pots,

You have been with me for a long time any i always knew you were there. You sat there, behind everything i did-- in the back of my mind feeding and festering. Until one day, i could fend you off no longer. You sent me to places i thought i could never experience while still alive. You have made me question everything within me and to search indefinitely for an answer to your obscure and irrational cause. At first, i thought i could overpower you, and i tried so dearly for a long time. Pots, you have brought me the most suffering i have ever had in my entire life. But in the end, i have to thank you. Thank you, you say?! Yes. Thank you. You have taught me empathy, self restraint, and self control that i never perceived to be possible. You challenge me every day to be positive and to outthink you and for that i am grateful. Because although the road you have given me is a tough one, i can feel happy and proud that i overcome you. And not so much that i overcome you, but that we can coexist peacefully and functionally within my body. Pots, you feed off my fear and you have given me courage--the type that most never get to experience. I never take for granted the good days because you often remind me how bad it can really be. I feel lucky to have you, because believing that any moment could be my last has made my life that much greater. Thank you for not being something much, much worse.

I like that letter! Sounds like POTS has made you a stronger person. The letter writing is good therapy, as you said. POTS has taught me not to take life for granted or my health for granted; everything can change in a heartbeat (pun intended).

[misstraci]

I like your letter! this is fun, we should all write hate mail to said "POTS"

I see how it could be good therapy. getting all out there and off your chest.

[weathermandj]

Yeah!! Write one.

[misstraci]

At this point my letter would have lots of blanks for all the profanity that I'd like to scream at my sickness

[CarrieJessica]

LOVE THIS! I am doing a 30 day blog challenge and one of the prompts later this month is a letter to your future self or your illness. I look forward to getting some things off my chest to ole dysautonomia...

[weathermandj]

LOL I checked out your blog and the toilet picture made me laugh. My brother bathroom looks like walking into a trucker's pitstop restroom.