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Feeling Upset And Angry! ( With Myself)


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Sorry all. I just needed a place to talk.

My In laws travel to Az every year for the winter. Two years ago my father in law had a massive heart attack while there. Thankfully he survived. This year my mother in law fell, shattered her

knee, and has had one surgery, with another one in a couple of wks. Both have other major health issues.

Here is where I need to vent..........we can' t just drop everything and travel to Az to help them. I WANT TO! But my health won't let me. My husband can't get anytime off work. Plus we have our grandchild living with us, and she is in school.

Before POTS I could have handled this. I would have made something work. Now.....I just feel like I'm failing our aging parent, when they need us the most. How crappy is that!

I wish they would stay home, and not travel so far away anymore. See, how selfish I am.

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Mydoggielovesme2,

I'm glad you chose to vent, it's better to get it out than to keep it in. Please try not to feel selfish. When we are dealing with daily health issues, it is so hard to focus on other things when our own symptoms get in the way. It seems as though you have a lot on your plate to begin with. Does your husband have siblings that could possibly help out?

I was in a very similar situation although it was with my parents. My mom had been sick for seven long years (after a botched hernia surgery). They lived halfway across the country and before I got sick I would travel with the kids in toe to help out when I could, usually a few times a year. After I got sick, I couldn't travel as often and had to have my husband with me which of course, like you, had to work around his schedule. We just did what we could do when we could do it. Sadly, my mother passed away this past fall due to her ongoing illness related to the original surgery. I have had to deal with regret and guilt. You have to remember that you are ill too and sometimes, as much as we might want to, we can't always help in the way that we would want to. I know the feeling of failure too, but hopefully they are understanding of your illness as well. I do hope that something comes along for you in the way of helping out.

Blessings to you.

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Bebe, Thanks for sharing. I'm so sorry for your loss. There is just no easy answers for any of us is there. My husbands sister is refusing to help. Says if they insist on traveling, then they just have to deal with it. ( she does not work, is healthy, has no kids at home, and was offered a plane ticket or gas money) I told my husband I would give up my appt at Mayo, so he could get off work now, but he does not want that either. So we will just have to hope for the best, and wait it out. Thankfully we will be down there the end of the month for my appt. maybe they will come home with us then????

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Mydoggielovesme2, I agree with Bebe, it is always better to find a healthy place to vent when we can. It can be so difficult sometimes. I know I get caught between not wanting to bottle everything up inside, but also not wanting to complain to my friends and family, YET AGAIN. But that is the wonderful thing about the community on this forum...so we can vent sometimes when the going gets tough. And everyone on here certainly understands! I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. This illness can be such a juggling act, which is so unfair because none of us on here even have the energy to juggle! I hope that your in-laws understand that you are doing the best you can to help them. Also, it's crazy to think that there are people perfectly capable of doing things who simply choose not to. I do try not to judge because everyone has their own battles, but it is so hard to wish you could do something so bad and then see people take everything they have and do for granted. Maybe there are things you can do long-distance to help... have a cleaning service come and help them out that way? Or maybe there are people you can get in contact with who live in their area who can prepare some meals and deliver it to them?

Bebe, just wanted to say that I am sorry for you loss. I lost my grandma this fall also (she raised my brother and me) and it has been so difficult without her in my life anymore. I too have felt guilty about not spending as much time with her as I should have, and much of that had to do with not feeling up to visiting, but I know that she understood and there isn't anything I can do to change the past, so I try my best to hold on instead to the wonderful and happy memories that I have with her.

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mydoggielovesme2 and CMReber, thank you for your kind words, and CMReber, my sympathies as well for the loss of your grandmother.

mydoggielovesme2,

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone in your feelings. I had issues with my siblings as well. It's hard when our parents live so far, especially when they are in need of care. Just as a side note, there is something called "The Steven's Ministry" that is run through the local Methodist church. I don't think you need to have any affiliation, but they have free, trained people that are willing to come and help at the home. I only mention this because my father's doctor suggested this to him while my mother was ill and he had to work and none of us kids were able to get out there to help. Just a suggestion.

Hope everything works out for you and your in-laws.

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Along the lines of CMReber's ideas, do you parents live in a larger city? When I lived out in Philly, I discovered that some grocery stores will deliver food. You select what you want (usually online), and a van shows up with your (or your parents') groceries. You could set up a system for them to regularly receive food, perhaps a mix of food requiring low- or no-prep time depending on how they feel. Also, if they are having problems with laundry, some dry cleaners will do pick ups and deliveries.

Have you or your husband tried explaining your concerns to them?

Best wishes! Remember to breathe.

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Thanks all! The problem is they have a place about 25 miles out of town, by a lake in Az. The nearest town is quite small. They are 2hrs from Phoenix. I was able to find out a church group came by to visit, so am going to contact them tomarrow and see if they can help.

Lel, we have tried to talk with them. It's just such a balancing act. We need to help them, yet they want to stay completely independent. But their health issues are becoming to major for them to handle. We HAVE to do something.

Thank You all again for your care and concern. God Bless

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