bebe127 Posted January 21, 2013 Report Share Posted January 21, 2013 I feel like I say “I’m sorry” an inordinate amount of times. Usually it’s daily and multiple times. I feel worse that my husband and children have to put up with it. For that, I’m sorry. See??? It has now become habit. I’m sorry for this, sorry for that, sorry I feel like crap every day, sorry I can’t change things, sorry I can’t do things, sorry I can’t cook, sorry, sorry, sorry!!! I’m just plain SORRY literally and figuratively.Saying I’m sorry doesn’t change anything, it doesn’t even make me feel the slightest bit better, in fact, many times it makes me feel worse. It just reminds me of all the things in my life that this illness has stolen from me.I get so tired of saying “I’m sorry” to my husband and I’m fairly certain that he is equally tired of hearing me say it, although he would never admit such a thing to me. His response is always “you have nothing to be sorry for.” Yet, I’m still sorry. I should probably hang a sign around my neck with big red letters that read “I’M SORRY!!”Sorry,Bebe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RubyLane Posted January 21, 2013 Report Share Posted January 21, 2013 I do this as well, though I have done it since I was a child. It defintely got worse after pots though. I've been in the hospital being poked and prodded and crying and through my tears saying "I'm sorry I'm crying!". My husband does say I should try to stop - but says it in a loving way. Honestly I don't really have the energy to put into trying to stop right now - SORRY!! He he. Wish I had more helpful advice. Ruby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pianoman Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 I have been fortunate that I have had great parenting. I was always a polite kid (still am, I"m 18), so I always did the kind thing and apologized if something happened that was awkward, not my fault, but nonetheless awkward. I agree with RubyLane, in that it definitely got worse after POTS, and I think that's because of the awkwardness: something might happen where an unfortunate circumstance-like not feeling well from POTS-cause a plan to get canceled, and maybe someone gets a little upset. There's a need to feel responsible, but its one of those things in life that just happens. Life can take life away. That"s what I'm trying to realize... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katybug Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 First...there's never going to be anything wrong about, please, thank you, or I'm sorry. But, that being said, I will share with you the smartest personal advice I have received from anyone since this all started. When I told my boss I needed to step down from my full time management position because I couldn't meet my standard of performance (btw, no one else was complaining), she told me, "Katie, you need to be kinder to yourself. You would never expect this much from anyone else and would tell them to relax and not be so hard on themselves about a disease they can't control." She was so right! I stood over toilet bowels with vomiting employees, rode in the ambulance with a guy that had a sudden kidney stone attack and passed out, and quite a few other things that most managers would not have volunteered for. But, for some reason, I wouldn't be that nice to myself. I have taken her words to heart. I do occassionally say I'm sorry but the people that are still around me are the ones that really understand and care and I don't have to apologize to. Forgiving yourself is far harder than receiving forgiveness from others but it is important if you want to learn acceptance in this chronic illness and want to move forward in a positive light. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bebe127 Posted January 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Thanks pianoman and Katybug! I know life just happens and I have to attempt to go with it, it's just so hard sometimes. Dealing with this for 3+ years (I know many have dealt with it so much longer) takes its toll some days. I guess I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired.Katybug, that is awesome advice! Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. I need to go over the Serenity Prayer!! And I do need to forgive myself and give myself permission to have bad days and I also need to try to look ahead at the beautiful day that dawns after a storm. Thanks for the reminder.Be blessed!Bebe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tobiano Posted January 24, 2013 Report Share Posted January 24, 2013 Thanks Katybug for that reminder . Needed that today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k&ajsmom Posted January 24, 2013 Report Share Posted January 24, 2013 I did this alot when I first got sick. I would apologize to the nurses for having to check my vitals so much lol For me it was just grieving in a way and feeling guilty about being so sick. Now its kinda transformed into agitation and inpatience. I geuss our emotions adapt to survive as well as our bodies. Just breathe and pray for guidance, thats allI I can do sometimes. There is a lot of guilt that leads to our illnesses I think when things dont go as planned. Take care -sarah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bebe127 Posted January 24, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2013 Thanks Sarah,Praying is my first go-to! I just get so sick and tired of being sick and tired and having my family have to deal with it all too; It's just not fair to them.Praying for you and thinking about you often. Hope things are well with you Bebe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imapumpkin Posted January 25, 2013 Report Share Posted January 25, 2013 When my flare was extra bad this fall I was saying "I'm sorry" all the time...especially to my mother and my boyfriend who have shouldered most of my care-giving. I told my psychiatrist (who prescribes my anxiety meds) and he told me I am no longer allowed to say "Im sorry" regarding me health issues. Sometimes I need reminding and my boyfriend has to say "you're not allowed to say that". I suppose the family and loved ones who take care of us and are kind and patient with our conditions know that it's not our fault and we have nothing to be sorry for. Of course, that doesnt stop us from feeling guilty or like a burden. I guess its all about finding a balance, but I would say "I'm sorry" every once in a while just to let loved ones know you appreciate their help, but not too often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bebe127 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2013 Thanks pumpkin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
volo Posted January 25, 2013 Report Share Posted January 25, 2013 I can relate to this, even though I've only had POTS symptoms for about 4 months or so. After my husband kept telling me not to apologize, I started replacing most of my "I'm sorry"'s with "thank you" or "I love you" or "you are such a wonderful support for me".... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peregrine Posted February 13, 2013 Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 I say "I'm sorry" for medical emergencies - I picked it up from my mom, actually, who did it even when delirious from high fevers after chemo. I've been trying to work on it, especially in situations at doctor's offices/in the ER - I feel like saying "sorry for being a bother" and then I realize that, well, the staff are there for exactly this reason and if it weren't me it would be someone else. But I still apologize anyways!What my partner and I do instead is say "I regret the situation." "I'm sorry" implies (at least for us) that there is something you did/were responsible for - consciously or unconsciously - that was wrong that you can fix. Having POTS and not being able to do things doesn't fall under that category - you can't fix it, you aren't responsible for it in the sense that you can't make it better just by wanting it to be better. "I regret the situation" (or similar words) steps back and says "This is hard on both of us, I acknowledge that it is hard for you as my caregiver and I wish it weren't the way it is right now" but acknowledges that it's not something you can control *and* that you understand that it is hard on the other person. "I'm sorry I burned your toast/broke the teapot/made you late/didn't update you on my plans" versus "I regret that my health problems mean we couldn't go out last night." It does seem to help for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aimes Posted February 13, 2013 Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 This is like the story of my life! I often tell my husband that the guilt of being sick is far worse than actually being sick! I hate the burden it puts on those I love! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bebe127 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 Thanks Peregrine, that is a great idea!! My husband always tells me that I have nothing to be sorry about, that this is something that I can't control. Say "I regret this" really nails what I'm feeling and is a truer (sp?) feeling.I agree, Aimes, sometimes the guilt is far worse than being sick for me too.Thanks to everyone for the responses!! Hope you are all feeling well today Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tobiano Posted February 13, 2013 Report Share Posted February 13, 2013 Peregrine - very well said! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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