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imapumpkin

Devestated

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I have just been unceremoniously dumped by a friend who I've been close to for six years because he says he "can't be there for me as a friend or for support" and that its time i take responsibility for my health and actions and he feels to guilty is too stressed to deal with my health issues. This young man is a med student in Poland. Med students I realize are under lots of pressure, but he would always ask me about my health stuff and would use it to sharpen his medical knowledge. He also attends medical school in Europe, so I only speak with him every few months so it is not as thought I am overburdening him with my medical woes.

He then stated that after 6 years of friendship the whole time he had only been using me by trying to be friends with me "for one reason" (I'm sure you can all guess so I won't say it, although he and I were strictly platonic) and then he blocked me on facebook.

I am totally devestated. I can't imagine what I ever ever did to deserve being dropped from a friendship because of my health 3 weeks before heart surgery. (Needless to say when I read his final message, my heart rate shot to a whopping 155bpm...not healthy or helpful for someone with POTS and a heart condition.) I just don't know what to do. I can't imagine ever abandoning someone because they are in poor health. I feel like this was exceptionally cruel and that he could have just blocked me and not said anything.

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Sorry to hear that. I can imagine all those feelings are taking a toll on your system. I hope you feel better emotionally and physically in the next few days.

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Pumpkin,

I am soo sorry that you are going through this :( That guy is unbelievable!! And his behavior is incredibly immature and selfish. This is his issue- not yours and you do not deserve to be treated like that (especially with everything you are dealing with right now). You need to surround yourself with people who are supportive and give you strength and he is clearly not one of those people. I know it hurts, but you are strong and to live with pots (plus your cardiac issues) you have already proven yourself to be a survivor.

(((hugs)))

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I'm sorry to hear it. People can be very disappointing. I lost a lot of friends when I got divorced because they couldn't handle it. I've lost more friends since I've been sick--again because they can't handle it.

A lot of people can only be your friend when times are good. They can't deal with the bad things in life. It is super disappointing!

But there are those rare people who will stick by you no matter what. Be sure to hold on tight when you find these people! They are your true friends.

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Pumpkin,

So sorry you had to waste your energy dealing with someone who could be so selfish. I know words dont heal wounds but time will and think of the energy you can invest into someone or something else that is truly positive instead of draining. I truly dont understand people like that and again so sorry you had to go through it...I recently lost a friend of 16 years so I know how it can hurt and she was apparently keep a log of favors and inconveinces Ive caused her over that time...funny how I would never think to keep track cause freindship should be unjudging and selfless...ughh hang in there =(( {{{huggssss}}}

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I am so sorry Pumpkin, you deserve better. I hope that time will help you overcome. Sending warm thoughts your way.

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I'm sorry for this terrible disappointment. It is terrible to learn that someone you trusted is not who they presented themselves as. I think illness does help us learn who our real friends are, but it can be a hard lesson to learn. At the same time, good that you found out what he is really made of.

Thinking of you!

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He then stated that after 6 years of friendship the whole time he had only been using me by trying to be friends with me "for one reason" (I'm sure you can all guess so I won't say it, although he and I were strictly platonic) and then he blocked me on facebook.

Eww, why do guys do this? ...Pretend to be a concerned friend when they really just want something from you. I don't think it was about your health - I think he just finally realized he wasn't going to get what he wants! I'm sorry - I know how hurt you must feel. If it's any consolation, you have lots of friends here who will support you. :) ((hugs))

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He maybe a med student and knows a lot about biology, but i can tell you now he will make a lousy Dr! He clearly has no compassion or warmth, or if he had, he has lost that from when you first met him thats for sure. What a disgusting thing to say to someone a week before heart surgery. I am really sorry you have been hurt by someone like this. But do not let it get the better of you. Focus on next week and your recovery, thats all that matters. He isnt worth it, try and forget him and like others say surround yourself with people who care more and understand.

Edited by corina

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Thanks everyone for your kind words. I just need to stop letting this and other stresses effect me so badly physically. Ever since I received the message I've been feeling totally drained (more so than usual) and like my nerves are shot. i'm trying to do relaxation techniques and find distractions but emotional stuff and stress just totally is messing with my body.

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I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can somewhat relate and I'm sure others can too. I was friends with this woman for 19 years prior to my becoming ill and she cut all ties once I was sick. Was I hurt and angry? Sure I was, but I actually gained strength from this experience. This reaffirmed that I was the same person, I had the same soul (I won't let this condition alter it!) and if she couldn't see that, then it is her own issues. Who needs fair weather 'friends'? Don't let this incident doubt who you are. You are a strong person to be dealing with this illness and I can tell you're kind from the lovely words you told others on here on other posts. Chronic illness makes us swing back and forth from being selfless to being selfish at times. I think this is the time for you to think about yourself first and foremost. Take care of yourself and forget about this so-called future physician who will have terrible bedside manners! ((hugs))

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There is a saying in Africa ---There are two types of friends. Friends of the road and friends of the heart. The friends of the road are those you acknowledge and speak to and are acquaintances with. But, the friends of the heart are those that stick to us no matter what and the friendship never fails no matter what. Obviously, this guy was a friend of the road and it's good he has hit the road ----cause now you can find more friends of the heart.

But, that being said ---I have had my heart broken more then once with friends of the road. People that I thought understood me and cared for me ---turning out to not be the friend that I thought they were. It is devastating to learn that the feelings that you have for that friend is not the same type of feeling that they have for you. We just assume that they "love" us as much as we "love" them. That's not always the case. It makes us question our judgement of people. But, despite that I've never regretted being a friend to anyone ---even if it has bitten me later. Because, I'm being true to me and that is all that matters. If they don't appreciate my sincerity ----like was said above ----that's their problem, not yours.

Hang In There! Hope your surgery goes well and you get more quality of life very soon. Don't let this --hurt your heart any more. Someone else is waiting to fill his place. You just got to find him.

Issie

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I really like what Issie wrote. Consider yourself lucky (it'll come with time) that you're still not connected to that "friend." There will be a 'friend of the heart' to take his place sooner or later. You need to focus on taking care of you! As many of the other members of the forum, I can also relate to 'fair weather friends.' I also have heart issues and may be looking at surgery soon, along with my POTS. PM me if you'd like to get in touch.

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What this guy did is DISGRACEFUL!

I get so tired of the things people say and do! it doesn't make sense at all; why wouldn't you want to be there for someone going through a tough time!? It's called being kind! Like someone posted earlier: What a Doctor he's gonna be!

Sorry I'mapumpkin! I wish you the best on your heart surgery!!!!!!!

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