GingerA Posted November 24, 2012 Report Share Posted November 24, 2012 I started not to post this but I can't imagine anyone else who would understand. This has been a horrible day.This morning I found out that my husband has been seeing someone else for a few months. His excuse--I am always tired! Wow! Like I can help that! He says that we never get to do anything because I am always sick and he just wants to be happy. What could I possibly do about that! I have been working against docs orders to help pay bills that he could not pay and so when I get home I am exhausted. On top of that I have been without meds for a month because I no longer have insurance. Now I don't even have him to help me with the kids. What am I going to do now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
songcanary Posted November 24, 2012 Report Share Posted November 24, 2012 Ginger,I am so sorry. I don't have any advice here, I just want to say that you may feel lost right now, but you are not alone. I just couldn't read this without replying. I know others will have way better comments than mine but know that I am thinking of you and hoping for the best. I was separated from my husband for five months once so I know how it feels, but it wasn't for the same reason. Keep posting and take care.Marsha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katybug Posted November 24, 2012 Report Share Posted November 24, 2012 Ginger,I'm really sorry this has happened. I am not married so I can't give direct advice. But, I will say this...using your illness as an excuse for his bad behavior and choices is truly unacceptable. The behavior and choice to do this are his and I hope you don't let him convince you to take on that burden too. You are strong enough to get through this and we will be here to support you in spirit. Big hugsKatie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted November 24, 2012 Report Share Posted November 24, 2012 Ginger, I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for you, and I wish you didn't have to go through this. Know that I'll be thinking of you and praying for you.Do you have a good local support system? I hope that you have family and friends nearby who will gladly step in and give you the help you need.Hang in there, friend.Rachel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leigh8 Posted November 24, 2012 Report Share Posted November 24, 2012 Ginger,I too wish I had some good advice, but I just wanted to say I am so, so sorry. Do not blame yourself. This is absolutely NOT your fault. What he did was incredibly wrong, and it is even more wrong for him to use your illness to justify it. What kind of local support system do you have? In the past, I have seen a therapist for relationship difficulties, and I found it very helpful. Perhaps something you might find some comfort in.Sending good thoughts your way.....xoxo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaos Posted November 24, 2012 Report Share Posted November 24, 2012 Oh dear! Can't even imagine how devastating that news was and how heart broken you must be feeling now. And the stress levels that you're experiencing must be sending your ANS symptoms thru the roof.Wish there were some magic words to make it all better. Wish your husband understood that the vow "in sickness and in health" actually means something REAL and marriage is not just about him getting to be happy.Sending you hugs of support. Hope you can hug your kids tight as well. I seem to remember they have been pretty sweet to you in the past.Know that we're here for you on-line, but that doesn't help when you need someone to watch the kids so I hope you have lots of local support who can help you out.Praying God will continue to provide you with some calm in the midst of the storm.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anna Posted November 24, 2012 Report Share Posted November 24, 2012 (edited) So so sorry this has happened, it is sad that your hubby has put himself first and not thought of the consequences of his actions. Hugs Edited November 24, 2012 by corina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GingerA Posted November 24, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 24, 2012 Thank you for the support everyone. As far as local support I don't have much. There are several people who say "Oh I'm so sorry" but thats it. I am working on a way to get the kids home after school. That is my biggest immediate concern because my job is 45 minutes from their school. Also trying to think of ways to make extra money at home. I am already running the business and taking a full load at school, plus the kids and the house--now this. I really don't know if I can make it, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Relax86 Posted November 24, 2012 Report Share Posted November 24, 2012 That's a guy who would have found an excuse to cheat even if you were healthy. Don't blame yourself and don't blame your illness. It's all him. There are great men out there - I believe that to be true. I am lucky to have one and I realize that makes it easy for me to post here to you. But there is a girl on this forum who posted wedding pics this summer - she has active POTs and found someone who loves her for her good and bad days. Try and stay positive in that things always have a way of working themselves out. I'm sure you have inner strength that you didn't realize you had. That's what women are all about. And when you're ready - you'll find your soulmate!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoGiuliana Posted November 24, 2012 Report Share Posted November 24, 2012 Ginger I am so sorry. I have friends who have gone through this, including one who this happened to very recently. I know how devastating it can be and very hard when there are children in the family--even for someone who is healthy. I completely agree that the illness is being used as an excuse and you should not feel you are at fault in any way. Is he refusing to provide you with any assistance with care of the children? Can you try to reach out to one or a few people in your community who are caring and who you think can help you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jpjd59 Posted November 24, 2012 Report Share Posted November 24, 2012 Ginger:I am so sorry to hear this. I think that is part of the problem with this illness. People think that you are just "tired" all the time. Little do they know it is so much more than just being tired. I agree with the other posts - he probably would have cheated anyway (he is just using your illness as an excuse). I mean, after all, what happened to the vows of "in sickness and in health"?????Don't be afraid to ask friends for help. Sometimes they are willing to help, they just don't know how.Pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E Soskis Posted November 24, 2012 Report Share Posted November 24, 2012 Just when you think life can't get any worse.....I'm sorry - I've been there before and it's not pretty - you are with a group who does understand - it is not just a spouse that lets you down - anyone and everyone eventually will stab you in the heart - we have a disease that is incomprehensible to 99.9% of the population, including family members and close friends - I mean, if our doctors don't even understand, how is anyone else going to "get it"? - Of course, the behavior of your husband is not excusable - he made his choice and now, you have to make yours - whatever that may be. Just know, you will get through this and you will be stronger than ever - your kids may be bewildered now but, in the long run, they will see the new you emerge and be very proud of you and your strength. I may be physically weak but, emotionally, I am a rock now that I have faced down my demons.....and defeated them - you will do the same! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katybug Posted November 25, 2012 Report Share Posted November 25, 2012 Ginger, Could you possibly reach out to your church (if you belong to one) or find a single parent support group in your community that you can reach out to for not just support but also resources. Maybe you and another single parent in the area can find ways of sharing some responsibilities. I know a couple of mom's at my old job used to do this and they really found it helpful. They would coordinate taking kids to sports practice /games or babysit while the other ran errands and then switch off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alex Posted November 25, 2012 Report Share Posted November 25, 2012 Ginger,I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's unfortunate that your husband doesn't seem to understand and doesn't want to be there for you and the kids when you probably need him most.I wish you didn't have to go through this. Wishing you strength and courage. HugsAlex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RichGotsPots Posted November 25, 2012 Report Share Posted November 25, 2012 :'( this is so upsetting. Some people don't understand "for rich or poor and in sickness and in health" only when we are in these trying time can we see who will step up and support us. It's really hard I'm also alone now and at times the silence is calming but most days you end up longing for companionship that is missing. This is totally the other fault. Usually happens to the best of us, we give our hearts to people who are unworthy and can't reciprocate. But I have hope as should you that there is someone out there who will love you as you deserve to be loved and cared for. I'll pray for you and your children to find love and happiness and for your husband to see the wrong and have remorse for his selfishness.. Hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ophelialit Posted December 1, 2012 Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 Ginger---"I'm so sorry" feels inadequate, but I am truly saddened to hear that you're experiencing this. I've been married to a jerk and divorced from a jerk, and believe me when I tell you I understand. I truly believe the silver lining in our enormous, sucky, dark clouds is the strength we develop from dealing with endless amounts of nonsense...we're warriors and survive that which would render mere mortals useless. Hang in there...you're stronger than you know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kclynn Posted December 2, 2012 Report Share Posted December 2, 2012 Ginger, I am sorry this is happening to you. Even if you don't go to a church reach out to one and you might find some help you wouldn't expect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katybug Posted December 2, 2012 Report Share Posted December 2, 2012 Hi Ginger,We haven't heard from you for a bit. Are you doing ok? (Relatively speaking.) Just want to check in.Katie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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