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Upsetting Email Today


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I got an upsetting email today from my closetest friend. All my friends are on line. I have been a stay at home mom many hyears and the primary caregiver of my special needs daughter, so I am very much out of the loop with friends at home. I became close freinds with this woman through a support group for depression. have known each other for many years. She lives very far away, Wales and I am in NC. We talk by the phone often and send lots of emails. But since I have gotten much worse and things at home have gottne more stressful, my youngest daughter is very,very sick....I have not be online as much..emails,facebook etc. SO she thinks I don't care about her anymore, wants to know what she has done to make me stop talking to her.I sent her an email a few weeks ago telling her I was very sick, but would love to read how things are going. Just too sick to do alot of typing.

Anyway, she thinks I am mad.

I hate to think of losing her as a friend, but I can't keep up like I use too. I can barely read right now cause my vision has gotten so bad recently not too mention just everything getting worse...gastroparesis,colonic inertia,pain and nausea,dizzy,vasovagel all the time....and now drama.

How do you handle stuff like this. Hate to lose a friend over this illness, but I Am burning the candle at both ends with myself being so sick and my daughter.

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Sadly sometimes people can find it difficult to start to understand what some folk go through and it looks like you have a case of that with your situation, well let me say you are not mad for being ill and worn out with all that you have going on. Your poor friend may be a tad too needy at the moment and it might be time to let this butterfly go on her way, do not feel too bad about this you need all your strength to look after you and your children. You have tried explaining not much else you can do maybe write again telling her that you do really care about this relationship but no longer have the energy to keep it going your end but it would be wonderful if she could keep in touch to see how you and your daughter are doing.

Gentle hugs to you and your poor poorly daughter,

Take care


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It sounds like your friend may be going through a difficult time herself and needs attention from someone caring like you. Unfortunately you can't give that right now, but it doesn't mean you don't care. I would try to let her know, again, that you do very much care, but you are completely overwhelmed yourself right now with your health issues and your daughters. I think a friend would understand that, although may need to hear it a couple of times.

I'm sorry for all you are going through right now. I hope you and your daughter improve soon.

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Oh, sorry to hear that Sheila. My two cents worth:

It is so important to try see the drama for what it is and not attach emotion to it. If you were looking at it from an outside-the-friendship pespective, how would you describe the problem? Probably something like 'x feels like y doesn't care about her anymore, but y does. Y has limitations that make it hard to meet x's needs at the moment'. Then reframe it for your friend. She just needs to know you care, you are not mad, but you are struggling. I suggest all you need to do is communicate that to her. If she doesn't respond, just wait a while and when you next think of her/ can manage it, try again. Sweetness is a good thing in conflict. You clearly care about the friendship, so don't give up on it. Just don't let it upset you when it is temporarily de-railed. You two will find a way through... the pathway is usually built with kindness. All the best! Keep us posted.

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Things have been worked out. She is having a tough time with her depression I find out, so that explains her emotional email. I still find it a bit hurtful cause I have often given her space when she was struggling and never made her feel guilty for not emailing for a few days. But it's all good. She is a good friend and I do care alot about her. She does understand how sick I am, I just think she is feeling really depressed right now. So, trying to give her a bit more attention when I can. That's what a true friend does, it's a give and take.

Thanks for the support everyone and advice.

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