Gena Posted March 14, 2005 Report Share Posted March 14, 2005 I haven't vented in quite a while, so forgive me for rambling and unloading my burdens for a brief moment here. I've been trying to deny it for a couple of months now, but I'm definitely in a POTS hole. At first I was just sliding slowly in, hoping I'd climb out soon, but this week I've tumbled all the way down and hit the cold, hard bottom! I had several months of good sleeping and only mild POTS symptoms. Now I'm back to insomina, chest pain, arrythmias, weird headaches that seem like my brain is being sucked inward. Every time I nod off to sleep my heart and body does something strange to wake me up.I stopped taking licorice root a few months ago and ever since it's been a downward spiral. I went off of it b/c it's estrogenic effects were making me have heavy menstruations and really bad PMS every month. But now I'm thinking of taking it again, b/c my BP is running way too low and this POTS hole *****! The only non-medicinal treatment I have not tried is compression hose, so I think I'll try those, but I can't stand anything tight and constricting on me, so not sure if that will work.Another thing that's contributed to an increase in symptoms, is the enormous amount of stress of having to adjust to my husband's 15 year old son move in with us (who can be very defiant, ungrateful and rude (the son, not the husband) combined with having to take care of my sweet grandmother, who's been in and out of the hospital with a heart attack, bypass surgery and who just yesterday had a really bad stroke, and not sure how much longer she has. And both of my brothers have their own sets of problems which really keeps my mom and myself worrying about them often.So thanks for letting me vent. I'm going to make myself get back into the habit again of meditating daily, as I really need some inner peace right now. I have to figure out how to turn these worries over to God, but I just keep taking them back! Thanks for "listening"... I think I'll try and head back to bed now before the sun comes up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guvna2004 Posted March 14, 2005 Report Share Posted March 14, 2005 My sympathy and prayers go to you at your time of distress. I think i too have fallen into a POTS HOLE and im really finding it hard to get out. I got chest pains, tachycardia, anxiety + the rest of the symtoms. Last night i had it bad, but i think with me its becuase i lost my Job, i have no income, cant afford to pay for the rent. Its really horrible and im affraid i wont get out of this hole. I taken my HR today and along with the apparent symptoms there fine, Lying and sitting are 70's standing is 90s. I feel a wreck. I know the lord is watching over me and has great plans for me. If you read the bible, could you give me a good section to read and help me understand about life, cos while i go through these hard times i really need god with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyYount Posted March 14, 2005 Report Share Posted March 14, 2005 HEEEEEEEEEEY Gena!Just caling to you down in your hole! :-)I am sorry you are having such a bad time now and wish I could send you a rope to help you out. Just know I am here and am thinking about you. Vent away it helps!Sending you hugs and strength!Stacey :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geneva Posted March 14, 2005 Report Share Posted March 14, 2005 Gena, wow, you have a lot on your plate right now. Having had a teenage son, I can understand some of the challenges of a 15 year old moving in with you. Good luck there! Also, you are obviously exerting a lot of emotional energy with your grandmother's situation so it is no wonder you have fallen into a potshole. Just remember that you have to make time for yourself a priority because you can't give to others without properly taking care of yourself first. The ladder to climb back out of the potshole may be too short right now to reach you but we'll order a longer one to send down to you and have a nice batch of just out of the oven cookies waiting for you!! Sending you lots of positive energy Gena. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
opus88 Posted March 14, 2005 Report Share Posted March 14, 2005 Gena,I'm so very sorry to hear this - and I'm sorry I didn't realize it was this bad for you right now. It's incredibly frustrating and disheartening to feel like you are doing pretty well, then have the rug pulled out from under you. With everything going on in your life I guess it's easy to see where your stress is coming from, but knowing how best to deal with it isn't so easy.By all means, go after anything that has helped you in the past. Make yourself a priority and then you will be better able to either help those whose needs are pulling on you and to comfortably set your boundaries wherever they need to be set.You know where to find me if you need to talk . . . hang in there, and take a moment to absorb the positive energy we are all sending your way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EarthMother Posted March 14, 2005 Report Share Posted March 14, 2005 Dear Gena,I am SO sorry to hear you are down the POTS hole. A 15 year old boy in the house?!!! I feel your pain. Sorry you had to go off the licorice root. I know my system is very particular and does not adapt well to any change. Many of the symptoms you mention are heart related ... have you tried this product yet?http://naturalcalm.net/home.shtmlI am a really big fan. While I don't have sleep problems myself, I know people who do and they swear by this stuff. For me, I take one teaspoon in the a.m., noon, and night and my heart irregularities are MUCH improved.Hope you find something that helps. Good thoughts your way.EM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tearose Posted March 15, 2005 Report Share Posted March 15, 2005 Dear Gena, How are you doing now? You are welcome to dump, ramble, vent and unload! Just think of it as Spring Cleaning!I don't know why our bodies just quit out on us and we wonder if dysautonomia will ever be predictable! You will sleep well again someday...just hold on to those good memories of refreshing sleep and take naps to hold you over!Don't underestimate the relationship of poor sleep on your problem solving skills and think extra hard and careful with what you do while you are feeling funky.Are you okay in the pots hole? Sometimes I enjoy my time there...decorate it and hunker down in it if you need to! You know we are all around and we all understand. Do what you must...I don't know what is going on with the family stuff but relationships need "tending" and maybe you feel too weak to do the tending? I am sorry for all this. I am sorry your dear grandmother is sick, your mother sounds like she is on overload with your brothers... and having a step-son come into your space all of a sudden. The relationship with the step son is probably most important to deal with first? When my teen boys needed something from me and I was weak, I just said it plain and simple. I am weak but when I muster up some energy let's have a long talk! Then, when I could manage, we would talk. Please invest as much energy as you can save for this talk with the 15 year old. I can't stress enough how invaluable every minute you invest in communication will be!I am thinking of you and if you want company I know the way to the potshole! I'll visit and bring you good green tea or a batch of my famous homemade cookies...yes, I can make them without sugar if you need!warm wishes, tearose Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merrill Posted March 15, 2005 Report Share Posted March 15, 2005 Hi, Gena. I'm so sorry things are so tough for you right now. When it rains, it pours--and when it's raining family discord and illness--your own and others--you might as well be standing on the beach during a hurricane. Hang onto whatever tree you can find! I'm sending healing thoughts your way,m Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gena Posted March 15, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2005 Thank you all for the kind words of support. Yesterday was really difficult, as I spent half of the day at the hospital with my father and my aunt, waiting to talk to doctors about the prognosis of my grandmother. I had to fight of waves of anxiety and panic being in the surgical I.C.U area seeing everyone hooked up to machines and moaning in pain (including my grandmother.)She was so full of life all last week (I visit her every day). On Friday night I dropped her off at her friend's house down the road where she had dinner and good laughs with her best friends Sue and Sally. She looked great, had just come back from the beauty parlor and you'd never know she'd just had open heart surgery 8 weeks ago. Then on Sunday morning her friends stopped by to check on her in the morning as they always do and she didn't answer the door. They found her in her bed, completely paralyzed on her right side, disoriented and she couldn't speak. The doctors say it's a very serious stroke. She is now on a feeding tube and only somewhat cognizant of her surroundings. She will reach out to hold your hand, but she can't really understand speech nor speak to you. It tears me apart to see her this way. It's doubtful that she'll make any recovery. She's had 80 years of a good life and has always been surrounded by family who love her. I cried myself to sleep last night. I prayed to God to just let me get some rest, and He did. I actually slept for about 6.5 hours. I'm so thankful, as that will give me some additional strength to get through the week.As far as my stepson goes, we're at the point that we have to take some extreme tough love measures, whenever he gets in these very defiant moods. He'll often go somewhere even though he's not allowed or he'll refuse to do something that me or his father ask him to do. He's hanging around some kids who have a very "dark" outlook on life. We're seeing a counselor about this, and he gave us some good ideas yesterday. So we'll see if they work.I can't tell you how uplifting it is to see all of your sweet, encouraging words and advice. It makes me smile. I'll take everything to heart. I know I'll get out of this POTS hole soon, by golly. Luckily, I inherited a lot of my grandmother's stubbornness and perserverance! I don't know what I would do without all of your support! Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geneva Posted March 15, 2005 Report Share Posted March 15, 2005 Gena, I am so happy that you finally got some much needed rest. It really can make a tremendous difference in how we feel. I think that you have done a wonderful job being there for your grandmother....sitting in the ICU waiting area and keeping the anxiety and fear at bay is not an easy thing to accomplish for anyone but when you yourself are ill, just being in the hospital environment adds to the unpleasantness. Stay strong and feel free to take whatever support you need during this difficult time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calypso Posted March 15, 2005 Report Share Posted March 15, 2005 Gena,I am so sorry about all that you're dealing with. Helping to care for a severely ill family member is completely exhausting, and hospitals are definitely not uplifting environments. All the stagnant air makes me feel like I am suffocating, and the constant cries of people in distress make me horribly anxious (but at the same time, thankful that I do not have pain with my illness ... and guilty for ever complaining about anything!).And inheriting a stepson -- especially one likely in his prime years of rebellion -- can't be a total picnic. Please sit down, take some deep breaths and tell yourself that you have a lot on your plate right now, it's OK to be frustrated/tired/ill, and that you are ready to start healing. Don't feel guilty about taking time to rest. And get plenty of fresh air to rejuvenate you. Buy yourself some flowers, too! That always picks me up.Hang in there.Amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldicedance Posted March 16, 2005 Report Share Posted March 16, 2005 Gena, I am terribly sorry to hear that life is raining down for you in recent times. Sometimes it feels as if the pots hole goes deeper and deeper....Suggestion--there is a great book about living with a teenage daughter or son--it's called something like "Get Out of My Life But First Can You Take Me to the Mall." It provides excellent insights about teenagers. I highly recommend it! Lois Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MightyMouse Posted March 16, 2005 Report Share Posted March 16, 2005 Gena, so sorry to hear that your tough week got a bit tougher. I hope that your days ahead are a bit more calm and that you're feeling better.Nina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gena Posted March 16, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 16, 2005 Okay, I am feeling a little better - got another 6 hours of solid sleep last night...I would love 8 hours, but beggars can't be choosers right? Amy - you're so right about the hospital environment - it's difficult for me to listen to all of the agony going on around me. But I try to tune it and just be in the moment there with my grandmother. Just breathing has helped me get through this. (I put some flowers on the kitchen table - thanks for the tip!)Goldicedance - Thanks for the book suggestion. The title made me laugh. How true that rings! Nina - Thanks for the kind thoughts. I am feeling calmer and better today.We celebrated my stepson's 16th birthday last night. He's having an X-box/gaming party at our house this weekend with about 10 friends over. That should be interesting! Lord, give me strength! Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers. Hope everyone has a peaceful day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoGiuliana Posted March 16, 2005 Report Share Posted March 16, 2005 GenaGlad rest is coming to you. Amazing how we get through some of these difficult life challenges. You are doing a great job--you're a very aware and centered person, which helps you and your loved ones tremendously.What's an x-box? Take care,Katherine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gena Posted March 16, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 16, 2005 Katherine,With two techno-geek boys in the house (my husband and stepson), I forget that others in the world may not be so tuned into technology as I am.An X-box is a video gaming system that connects to the TV, similar to Nintendo, or Playstation. Or perhaps you remember playing Pong on Atari (the first video gaming system that came out when I was little! Thanks for your kind words. I am seeing a little light shining down the pots hole!Gena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tearose Posted March 16, 2005 Report Share Posted March 16, 2005 Hi Gena! Glad you see the light!Be careful when you look up! I overnighted a big box of sugar free, gluten free, almond shortbread cookies and coconut macaroon cookies to you! I sure don't want you to get a clunk on the head when they are tossed down!!! On the serious side, I hope you are managing all the family concerns with more energy today. I hope you keep sleeping better. You have such a healthy way of life and you seem to practice living well so hopefully you will be bouncing back very soon.warm regards, tearose Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoGiuliana Posted March 18, 2005 Report Share Posted March 18, 2005 GenaThanks for the clarification Hope the party is fun for you!Glad to hear you are feeling better. Hope your grandmother is in a peaceful state.Katherine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gena Posted March 21, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2005 I was almost out of my pots hole, but then I was at the hospital with some family members last night when my grandmother passed away. We were in her room and I was holding her hand and stroking her forehead when she died. She decided to go when we my dad, his wife and my uncle and I were just sitting around talking about good times and laughing. I think maybe she knew in her heart that we'd be okay as a family - she was always the kind that worried about everyone else but herself. I think that's why she hung on as long as she did. I'm glad she went out on a note of laughter.Needless to say I hardly slept last night. Just images and memories of my grandmother, both dead and alive were swimming in my head. The adrenaline and stress hormones were giving me chest pains and interferring with my heart's rhythm. I know she's at peace and in a better place, but being that intimate with the dying experience is something I am struggling to deal with right now (I work at hospice, so I should be prepared, but it's different when it's your own family). It was truly a life altering experience when I watched her take her last breath. Life is precious. Each day a gift. Let's not forget that. I love you all for being supportive and listening.I'm going to take a break from the board for while to process everything, as I have no energy right now, but I might lurk every now and again just to check in on you guys. Thanks for helping me through my tough time. I'll be back after recharging my batteries and sorting through my grief.Hugs to everyone. Gena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoGiuliana Posted March 21, 2005 Report Share Posted March 21, 2005 Oh Gena, thanks for sharing your experience with us. I am so sorry that you lost your grandmother, but so thankful that her last moments were peaceful and that you were with her. I know how powerful an experience that is. Of course you need time to process all that has happened and the loss of your dear grandmother. It is a long journey. Please continue to take care of yourself too. I know you will. Join us again only when you can and want to.You will be in my thoughts!Katherine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geneva Posted March 21, 2005 Report Share Posted March 21, 2005 Gena,I am sorry for your loss and I know that it will take time to process all that has happened recently. Take all the time you need and know that we are here whenever you need us. I will keep you in my thoughts and wish you much healing energy in the days and weeks to come. Take care of yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackwolf Posted March 21, 2005 Report Share Posted March 21, 2005 Dear Gena, I'm so sorry about your grandmother.All my prayers to you and yours.blackwolf Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calypso Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 Gena,I am so sorry to hear of your grandmother's death. I am sure you feel better, though, knowing you and your family were all there to comfort her. She probably experienced much less anxiety and fear. My dad went into cardiac arrest a few years ago and although he was resuscitated, my family decided to turn off life support. We were all there and also saw his last breaths, which went on for much longer than we were told to expect. The experience brought about so many emotions for me and made me realize how uncomfortable I was with the idea of dying, so since then I have grown up a lot and developed a better attitude about it. I am sure that working at Hospice, you know exactly what I mean. It seems that unless you watch someone die, you just don't understand it and fear it more. Peace to you,Amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tammyokc Posted March 22, 2005 Report Share Posted March 22, 2005 Gena, I just had to respond and tell you that even though times are rough for you, you have made me smile in your pain...Your post...Fell in a POTS HOLE...made me laugh out loud. That's the first time I have heard that and it is SO true. I'm new so maybe it's been said before but !!!!I'm going through a rough time too and we all have to just stick together here. Thanks for the smile my friend!!Question: what are the benefits of Licorice Root? (I'm kind of a health nut myself but haven't tried this) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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