When Is It Time To Take A Break?

[hholmes13]

My situation at work continues to get worse. I can barely get through the days anymore. I've started feeling so bad that I've contemplated going to the ER many times but hesitate because I know it probably won't help all that much. I start PT in a few weeks mostly for the EDS, but if it does help POTS I'm assuming that it will take awhile to do so. I have like 3 months worth of STD I can use at 100% pay. I've been holding out to try and help my boss through this tough time. (We've got a bunch of big grants that need to go out in the next few months.)It's come at a huge detriment to my own health. It's freaking me out how quickly I've deteriorated. I haven't had a "good" day in over 2 months. I'm talking with supervisors about taking a medical leave to try and recover and looking into what I have to do to make that happen. I feel guilty though...I keep wondering if I am "sick enough". My husband is constantly grilling me telling me to take the leave and put myself first. I've tried slowing down at work, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. Plus, there's just always too much to do and I'm not good at telling people "No I can't".

I realize this is a judgement call and in the end I have to figure it out...I just thought I'd ask for some advice on what others would do.

[brethor9]

In my experience trying to push through when you start to hit that wall just makes this illness so much worse.....for almost 4 years I kept trying to persevere and work until my body finally made the decision for me last May when I ended up hospitalized and had full system crash ..... I understand completely where you are coming from....I had a very high stress job in a cancer clinic and I also could never say no and knew I had people always depending on me....its why I held out for so long.....but I also ignored all the warning signs my body was trying to give me. In hindsight I wish I had have listened I may not have ended up as sick as I am and now completely disabled........ I guess my advice is try not to ignore your body...if you are having more bad days then good it may be time to give your body a break to rest ...... your health and well being is important!!! Big hugs!

Bren

[JennaC]

As a graduate student, I can totally relate to your work situation. I have a hard time slowing down, but that is the only thing that helps my symptoms! Can you work from home? I can log in to my work computer from home and that helps a ton.

[AllAboutPeace]

I agree, it's good to leave before a big crash happens. I also ignored my bodies messages with regards to work and I crashed - hospitalized and have been housebound ever since. Now that I'm out of it, I realize fully what a toll it was taking on me (good job helping others, but wrong one for someone with my dedication level). I cared too much and took on too much.

I totally understand the feelings of guilt and the difficulty in saying no. I never said no when asked for help or to take on a new project and I am really paying the price for that right now, meanwhile my coworkers are out there enjoying their lives.

Do whatever you feel is right for you. It sounds like you have a good set up with your STD with 100% pay. Take care of yourself first!

[Wendy C.]

Since they already know you are feeling so bad and considering going on medical leave, they might be receptive to reducing your hours each day? I did that back in 2006 and it helped somewhat. I went from ~ 45 hours per week to 27, so it was only 5.5 per day. I had to wrap up most of my projects first and we handed over some of my duties to others, since I couldn't be expected to still do my full job in only 5.5 hours a day. That might be a good way to transition towards a medical leave? I ended up quitting completely when we moved 2.5 hours away for my husbands job, even though I could've worked from home, and I felt so much better after about 5-6 months of physical and mental rest. (until a mega relapse when I got pregnant in 2010!). Good luck in whatever you decide.

[corina]

I too thought about the possibillity of working from home. It could help you feel less guilty. But only when you're up to that, if you aren't it could stress you too much imo.

Best of luck in whatever you decide!

[hholmes13]

Thanks for the advice everyone. Unfortunately I can't work from home. Most of my job involves scientific equipment that I can't work with at my house. I have done things like place orders and proof papers and such, but there's no way to officially do it from home. I almost went down at work today and barely made it home after just a few hours of being there. I've tried scaling back over the past 2 weeks and I continue to decline. I think it's clear to me now...my body needs a break. I don't want to do permanent damage. I'm going to start working toward getting things set for leave for awhile and try to recover. I want to focus on PT and getting myself feeling less sick. I have hit a wall and can't do this anymore. Once I'm on leave, I'm going to look at my options to transfer to a job with less stress and being on my feet. I think it's best for me for the long run and also better for my boss. As much as i love working with my boss and coworkers...I think it's time for a change. I want something I can try to do long term with hopefully less issues.