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I'm getting married next year and I'm trying to prepare myself now. I get really bad anxiety with leaving the house period so I think the combo of being in front of people, standing, nerves, and everything else are going to be really bad. Our wedding will just be family so it's small but I'm already considering just going to the courthouse to get it over with. I know I want wedding pics and all that jazz. I also know I won't be able to dance, eat or drink (nausea prevents that), and really be able to enjoy myself without a huge flare up. I'm so torn about what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Just my .02 do the courthouse. Were going to elope and do our own thing. I know family on both sides will be upset about it but I dont care I've always done my own thing. Ask yourself, do you want a night of possible failure?

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If it were me, I'd have the wedding and plan on taking meds for anxiety and nausea. And accept that you may

not be at your best but you'll be there trying to be "normal". The memories from doing something you really want to do will be worth it.

I say this after raising a child while disabled. The memories, while imperfect to say the least, are precious to both of us.

You've got a year tho, so why not change your diet to a paleo / wahls and see how you feel.

Just my 2 cents .. D

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Being optimistic that you will be well enough by then is important. But usually just the anticipation of a feared event produces more anxiety than the event itself. You need to be realistic. If you have problems standing still or fainting, you need to be flexible with your plans which could include a nontraditional wedding, like a very short ceremony with minimal standing. Or maybe just get married at the court and have a big reception if you feel better at those things. But I know this for sure, don't do something that is going to add to your emotional stress. Love is what matters. It wouldn't matter if you got married on the moon... Well I guess it might because it could add to orthostatic tolerance :). For real though, maybe don't make any big plans now and 2 months before review how you are feeling then and what you feel ready for. I know 2 months is not really enough for planning, but it's realistic. Being realistic is what we all need to do. I really feel for you though because if this had always been your dream I'm sure you are hurting about that, for which I'm sorry and I feel for you. But remain optimistic, you will be better by then.

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I went through this. I was really sick, got married outside in early August. It was hot, I was super dizzy. I was so out of it, I feel like I missed most of it. I wanted to keep it really simple, do like a breakfast brunch thing with a few people, but family got involved and just took over - we have to invite this one and that one, and no you, need a full sit down lunch and a band and blah, blah, blah. It was beautiful, but just too much for me. I wouldn't do the quickly courthouse thing either though, unless you really feel like you can't handle more. And if you can't, that's ok. My suggestion is do something quick and light, with a few special people - this way you still get to have all the traditional, pretty wedding stuff (nice for pictures/memories), but aren't totally overwhelmed.

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Make it short and simple, and sit down as much as you can, and let people come to you!...Love one another, and I'll say a prayer that everything that is important for your special day happens :wub: . I had to travel to my son's wedding, but I went two days early, sat down a lot, and prayed that God would bless our time together as a family, and it was the best it could be; I watched them a lot, and enjoyed their happiness together. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I did loose a contact lense in the car on the way there, but I have blurred vision most of the time, and with all the tears, it didn't matter, anyway. :)

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I also like what Alaska wrote. I got married at a very simple ceremony in front of the fireplace at my grandmother's house. We invited a small group of close friends and family and had the reception there, too. It was lovely and I wouldn't change a thing. We played music on a stereo during the ceremony which my uncle was in charge of, and we danced later in the garage. But I'm telling you, it was the most sincere and fun time for everyone.

And I say this having experienced a fancy church wedding long before. It was nice but the marriage lasted two years. So for what? My second marriage has lasted 26 years and that was the simple wedding.

The wedding itself is far less important than the marriage. DO NOT let your relatives tell you what to do. This is your life and you should live it in your comfort zone. I am assuming your fiance is hip to your dysautonomia and believe me, he is the most important person involved here. Do it your way and like Alaska said, be realistic. I send you my very best wishes!

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Naomi, that's what is happening. My mom is taking over and demanding we have a traditional wedding with the whole 9 yards. But she also thinks my disorder is my imagination, my specialists are crazy, etc. She's not understanding when I say I don't want anything huge because I do want to enjoy it and not be drained for days after. It's gotten to the point where it's just overwhelming thinking about it. I've considering just going to Hawaii but I don't think I could tolerate the plane and the heat. I've also been thinking about doing the courthouse and a small get together at a park so I can still have pictures. We've been together almost 14 years, 3 kids so it doesn't have to be extravagant.

I'm not on any meds yet since I'm still being tested. I have Zofran for nausea but it doesn't really do anything. I'm nauseous whether I eat or not but worse when I eat.

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micheller,

If you decide to go forward with a ceremony/reception, maybe you can find your someone who is willing to be your advocate/the wedding police. I did that for my sister. She has simple tastes and is pretty introverted...the rest of my family is not and they all had an opinion. She was getting so stressed out so I finally asked her if she wanted me to take care of telling the rest of the family to back off (so she didn't feel like it could start a fight between her and them). She gladly let me step in and I also continued in this roll through the day of the wedding. I made sure everyone cooperated with the photographer, were lined up correctly, took all of their stuff from the church, packed up the gifts and took them home, coordinated with the caterers. SHe just had to show up in her dress and do what she wanted. There were some bumps on the wedding day that I took care of and when I told her about them later on, she was like "What...that happened?" SHe didn't know anything about it and that was exactly what I had hoped for. Maybe you can ask your best friend or maid of honor to play this roll for you.

What ever you decide, keep in mind that it is your wedding...you should be happy with it!

Wish you all the best!

Katie

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As a random tip (in terms of letting folks come to you) - my sister got married in India (her husband's from there) and during the reception (on a different day from the wedding, maybe something that might help) they sat in a throne-like couch and had folks come to them to say hello and give good wishes rather than circulating among the guests. My sister was pretty tired (and feverish from her CFS, especially with the 104F heat!) and I don't think she'd have made it without the couch thing. (fortunately I didn't have POTS symptoms yet, so I was mostly okay)

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Moms somehow try to make it how THEY want it. My mom did the same thing. I have some good memories - but, it was very stressful and wish I had've taken my father-in-law up on his offer of money if we had eloped. My husband always says - "A wedding is a terrible way to start a marriage." But, we've done okay - over 30 years now. So despite the wedding my mom wanted - we survived it all. Hope that your dreams become your reality and you get the wedding that YOU have dreamed of.

Issie

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