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How... Can You Get More Positive?


puppylove
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I complain. A lot. And I didn't used to be a complainer before this. I just can't help saying I feel sooooooooo bad when I do. But I know it's not good, and it has/is getting on my family's nerves when we all have enough to deal with. I don't want to be a depressing negative nelly either. So, how do you stay positive and keep yourself from complaining?

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WELL, this is something I need to work on myself- so I'm not going to have wonderful words of wisdom. However, I TRY to always be positive around my kids. I guess I feel bad enough that they are having to suffer with a debilitated, bed-ridden mom and have all seen me faint in the hundreds of times I'm sure- and all have witnessed serious injuries. I try to keep things as normal as I can with them and I don't really know how I do it... It's like the Yoda quote: "Do or do not, there is no try." I just make sure that there is no there option for me and I do it. Not to say they have each not witnessed a breakdown or two over the last year- its as minimal as can be. They already see me physically suffering and in pain- to watch me mentally break down would be even more devastating.

Unfortunately, because my husband has to "care" for me- which mostly entails getting or carrying heavy objects, wheeling me around occasionally, taking me to ALL my appts.. Full time job it seems- he doesn't really have to care for me. I can crawl to the restroom nd safely use it- must use a timer (major bladder retention so can only sit 10 min- which is rarely enough time), I'm pretty organized in my little "area" so most everything I need I get myself. He also helps me in and out of the bathtub due to fall risk. But his BIG job is taking over all of the household duties I did and 6 kids (I did it with a full-job but we won't go into that). We are together all the time, and it seems like in some way we were always talking about my illness. More I would talk, more angry, frustrated I'd get and he usually got the brunt. I started doing a lot of research on Caretaker Fatigue and stress on our caregivers nd realized the amount of emotional AND physical problems THEY can develop- not to mention resentment or anger. So I decided to try to other outlets for my "venting and complaining" (sorry, guys, you're one of them :). Others: journaling- I have "happy" journals and I also an "angry" journal.. So what I would say it to my journal instead. I'm lucky to have a friend in the medical field obsessed with my condition and trying to cure me- so she's a good one to vent to because she always WANTS to hear. So that's I try to keep my family out of my complaining.

You seem to be asking more about not complaining at all. Some people ARE be to live and carry on relatively normal with this condition, feel yucky, but adopt a mind over matter mentality. I am not there yet. Can't stand without syncope or sit at times- and lots of organ involvements. Some things I I'd when I realized it was taking over my life:

-Limit research- for some it is healing- for me too much more anxiety. 2 hours a day- max

-Laugh!!!! Funny books, movies, TV shows, people- comedians on the internet. Just laugh as much as possible,

-journal- writing helps me sort an organize thoughts. You could do a Gratitude journal which forces you to think of ll you have to be thankful for. And if it helps to write out your vents/complaints too... I don't combine mine but to each her own. And pm may get more agitated Writing it down.

- Hobbies!!!! Find as many a you can and do them. I do knitting with the cheating loom. I also LOVE photography but don't get to take pictures much- so I steal my sister's off Facebood and photo edit. I LOVE doing this!!! Read, or maybe volunteer. That sounds nutty but started volunteering for our church doing mundane office work. It keeps me busy and productive- but it makes me feel as if I'm giving back. If your're into blogging- maybe do that. You know you're talents. Use then.

-Music?......Love it! I listen to a lot of 80's/ 90's music- yes I'm old- but Bon Jovu has been the ONLY man who has always been for me for longer than remember (I'm 38)

-Friends..don't isolate You will get more lonely. If they aren't calling, call them. It may be as simple of them not quite knowing what say.

-Lastly, try to keep the negative thoughts at bay.

When I catch myself having those "WHY ME" moments I think that people don't have chance to get better,we do (or MIGHT), we at least have hope. Not everyone does. You control your thoughts and your thoughts control your life.

Just some ideas I use-I have lots of others-if you want more info- please PM me. Dont feel like a burden. My hubby gets tired of it too aim sure, if you have siblings? They may feel left out. I am sure you are not on parents' or family's nerves. They are worried I'm sure and anxious, so everything they hear scaring them.

A quote I've loved, but I can't remember who said it.... "Instead if thinking about what you're missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone is missing." I'm sure there are any- focus on that... Another quote by Robert Frost that I love "The only way out is through.". Much as we hate it- we are stuck with this illness we figure it out. So just live day by day, hour by hour. Doesn't mean anything is going to "cure" us but by vanishing the negative it will improve. I know you are thing: 'Easy for you to say". Not really. I'm struggling too. Review the grief stages bd that may you insight on where you are now. It is normal to feel sad and mourn your former life.

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I made a new year's type resolution to stop complaining, about a year ago. It helped me, just making a personal commitment. It forced me to rethink what I'm going to say before I say it, and if it's a complaint, I just shut myself up by reminding myself that I'm not going there anymore. Then, more positive things started to come out, and it was a good trend that perpetuated itself because it felt so much better than whining. There will always be negatives...and living with chronic illness, it sometimes seems unfair how many more negatives we're dealing with, and people around us seem to sometimes forget and expect normal performance in things. Complaining can be a way of trying to get them to see how we're suffering...but that's really hard on them. It's better all around to "accentuate the positive", and YES, it takes a conscious effort.

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I had to find an outlet to talk about my disease that wasn't my family or friends. I started seeing a therapist once a week. I could say anything I wanted and didn't have to worry about hurting her feelings or wearing her out. Also, this forum is the perfect place to "complain." We're always here for you!

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It's something I definitely need to work on, but one thing that does help me is to take a moment each day (say when you are in the shower, or when you are brushing your teeth, eating breakfast, etc) and think about just one thing that you are thankful for. Make sure that it is a different thing every day, and try to make it very specific. Remind yourself of it throughout the day, and you will start to automatically feel better and more positive. Sometimes when we are depressed we forget all the things that are good in our lives (even if most of it seems pretty bad, there is always SOMETHING good). It helps to try to focus on these things.

I also try to remind myself that I am fortunate to know what this illness is, and have access to some doctors that are aware of it as well. I'm sure there are many people out there with dysautonomia who have no clue what is wrong with them and are very frightened.

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puppylove,

First, I want to say that I think that it is not always a great idea to deny what you are feeling, whether that is physical or emotional. But, I also believe that you can express that you are not feeling well without complaining or being negative. I noticed that when people would ask me "how are you?", I would respond "Good" out of habit. But, really I wasn't good and I found that I was becoming resentful for even saying it because it wasn't true. So, I have found other things to say that are true, for example, "Hangin' in there" (cause I am), or "Medium" (cause I am). Sometimes I do have to say "I am not feeling well today." I choose not to lie to the people around me because I don't feel it helps me or them but I also choose to not let my physical being dictate my emotional being. I don't have to say these things with a bad tone and I don't dwell on them. I do try to let people know my limitations when it is necessary but then move the conversation on to something else. I talk on this forum and to the doctors enough about my illness, I would like to talk about something else with those I love (at least when I can.)

I think the things that keeps my spirts up is ACCEPTANCEof myself as I am, FORGIVENESS for myself because my body isn't doing what I want, an KINDNESS to myself as I am kind to others who are sick. This is where I am today...if I woke up this morning, then I have opportunities. There are people that are in worse situations than I am. I have made it through hard times before and I will make it through this because failure is not an option for me. Failure means not being the best me I can be. If being me, means being me with POTS for now, then how do I be the best POTS me I can be?

I went through a stretch early last year when I let my emotions be dictated by my physical short-comings. I have to be honest, at first I felt bad that I had been a downer to those around me. But, once I accepted what was happening to me and got back on track in choosing my emotional reaction to this syndrome, I realized was torturing myself more than anyone else.

I wish you peace and happiness just as you are.

Katie

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I got told off by a 9 year old. That's how! Seriously.

I was inpatient in the children's hospital in my teens and was having a rather rough time physically/emotionally/mentally. A little 9 year old girl volunteer came skipping into my room with a great beaming smile (which I wanted nothing more than to wipe off her face at that time) and asked if I wanted to play Bingo. I wasn't in the mood and said I wasn't interested. She shrugged and started to skip back out of the room. I asked her "why are you so **** happy?" Without missing a beat she turned around and said "Because I wanna' be!" and beamed an even bigger grin back at me then skipped back out of the room. I don't think she was actually trying to tell me off, but what she said was quite profound and it kept me deep in thought for the next couple of days in the hospital.

She was right. Happiness is a choice. It's mainly in how you choose to view your circumstances. This perspective is also heavily influenced by what you've been exposed to/made aware of. The more of the world's unpleasantness you've seen/dealt with, the easier it is to take joy in your own circumstances. I have a friend who has been a paraplegic for 20+ years -- I'll take what I have over that. I've had several friends who've been sexually abused/assaulted. I'll gladly take my problems over that. I've had friends who've: lost a child, committed suicide, had cancer, had parents die from cancer, filed for divorce, been homeless, been stabbed and left for dead. Again, things I wouldn't ever want to have to deal with myself. In light of that, my life ain't so bad! :D And that's just my friends. Remember, it could always be worse. Be thankful it isn't.

I see all of the unpleasant things in the world and thank the Lord I've been blessed to not have to endure them myself.

Edited by thankful
removed profanity
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