Guilt

[Tautologist]

Hi

I'm a university (college) student due to take final exams next term, and I've had POTS for the past 2 years.

The only reasons I've managed to stick with the course are being given an extra year here, and my amazingly supportive friends. Most terms I end up being taken to A&E (emergency dept) a few times, and I need at least a bit of practical help and emotional support from friends every day.

This time I went to hospital with even more worrying symptoms - periods of being unresponsive, but aware, very scared, and unable to communicate much, with general confusion and unclear speech in between. My poor friend stayed with me there overnight, like he's done lots of times before. But he has his own important exams to be concentrating on too.

I doubt I'm going to be able to take a job after university (I assume most employees frown on you regularly dropping to the floor and failing to talk in full sentences). I'm really worried about being stuck back at home with my parents after I graduate, where I won't have as much independence.

This is all a roundabout way of asking - is anyone else here a student relying heavily on friends? When does it become selfish? Also, how can you plan for the future when everything is so unpredicatble with POTS?

Wishing everyone a *good* day today,

Tautologist

[puppylove]

I'm not in college so I rely more on my family. But I can relate to feeling guilty. Everyone sacrifices a lot for me and I feel bad that I'm making life difficult for them. But I need them. You sound like you have really good friends. That's tough to know how much you should lean on them. You shouldn't feel selfish because you need them. Maybe you could talk with you're really good friends and ask them? I don't really have a good answer- sorry . But just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

[jenglynn]

You are not alone... Of course all of us have different circumstances which leads to different feelings.. but I think we can all relate to feeling guilty. I feel it every day and I go through periods of time where I feel like SUCH a burden to my family, especially my husband who went from having a completely functional wife who took care of most everything to having a very ill, bed ridden one with very poorly understood medical issues but also congnitive problems due to multiple concussions. As a mother of 6, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't suffer from Mommy Guilt when I think of everything I am NOT doing for them that I should be... not to mention the truama they have been exposed to and sadly, become "used" to.

I welcome you to our forum, though. You will find so much support here and it will improve your life to interact with others who may have experienced symptoms or conditions very much like yours. I know I have felt much less alone after finding the forum.

I will tell you what everyone always tells me... you have nothing to feel guilty about. You did not bring this on youself and you are sick. You need compassion, from those around you, and so very difficult for me, but from yourself. I am sorry you are struggling. To answer your question, as my living conditions are different, I don't rely on friends, but primarily on my husband at this point. Yes, I do feel at times that I am being selfish and like I said, a day doesn't go by that I don't feel guilt about it. But I also realize it is a wasted emotion. There is nothing I can do about my situation right now- so when I find myself focusing on guilt I change it to gratitude and make sure I express my gratitude to him and my children daily for all that they do and have sacrificed because of me. I have realized that the more I focus on being thankful, and grateful for everything positive I have in my life, the less I focus on the guilt.

Jen

[abbyw]

Beautifully put, Jen!

I also rely on my husband who used to have a wife who could do it all, and now has become quite a Mr. Mom. I think the focus on being grateful instead of guilty is excellent!

[Tautologist]

Wow, thank you. I don't know anyone else very well who has a chronic illness, so it's great to find other people that can relate.

Obviously relying on family brings a slightly different set of worries. It must be especially hard to think about the effect it has on your children, jenglynn, but I bet you still mean the world to them and contribute a lot to their lives from a horizontal position!

puppylove, I have asked them about it, and they say they want to get me through the last bit of university now we've come this far

I'd had the same thought about gratitude rather than guilt; I'm pretty sure people would rather hear 'thank you, I appreciate it' than 'I'm sorry'. I'll try to concentrate on that. Also, trying to have a joke and relax too is probably a good thing all round.