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Anxiety


puppylove
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Julie, I literally laughed out loud when I saw that psychiatrist told you that had a "standing phobia". What a ridiculous thing to say! I don't blame you for crying, I have cried at appointments when my doctors say stupid things like that too, unfortunately, I think it makes them think even more that I have a psychological problem. I went to an endocrinologist who told me that all my family and friends need therapy too for letting me "pretend" to be sick all the time. He changed his tune a little bit when I almost kicked him in the head during the reflex test due to my hyperreflexia (I so wish I would've kicked just a little higher lol!), but it still ended up on his final report along with something about how I needed to relax in my gymnastics room ( I have no idea what that means either!). After I read the report (which also said at one point that I'm a male.... umm, last I checked I was female!!), I decided that maybe the endocrinologist needed to see a psychologist because most of what he said didn't make any sense. Oh, and I got a call from him a few days after that appointment saying my lab results came back (that I begged him to do!!), and my Vitamin D was a 15.

I also hate it when doctors think you shouldn't be anxious about something that makes you feel horrible. I had a VNG done to check for causes to my vertigo, and the doctor told me I have really bad anxiety because I was really anxious whenever I had horrible vertigo during the test. According to that doctor, the room spinning rapidly around and getting nauseous from it is not cause for anxiety. I wanted to strap him in a tilt-a-whirl for a couple hours to see how calm he would feel!

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I so relate to all of these posts! Since my kids were born, I was diagnosed with post-partum depression, bi-polar disorder, ocd, hypochondria, and the list goes on and on. I feel like the psychiatry/medical world deemed me as 'crazy' when really I have a legitimate physical reason for my anxiety. I am so thankful for my recent diagnosis...it just answers so many questions I've had and fits me to a 'T.' I am just sad that 6 years of my life have been spent on psychotropic drugs, getting a complete hysterectomy to try to resolve the anxiety, and other drastic measures that could have been prevented. But I feel that maybe I am finally on the right path!

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Hey. Puppylove I notcied you said the therapist told you it was anxiety and such. I know tht can be frustarting. I went 3 years with ppl telling me that. Was jus going to tell you that if maybe u decide to go back to thearpy if if you want a thearpist.... Try finding one that specializes in helping ppl with chronic illness. They are more likely to understand and even want to learn about what you have to further help you :) Good luck to you , hope all is well.

Hugs

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So glad to read this post (although I'm sorry that others have to go through this rotten anxiety thing too). I used to be pretty fearless, especially about undertaking new things. (I travelled around Europe by myself at 18, packed up on a moment's notice and moved across the country to a new city on a whim at 21, etc.). Now I am plagued by anxiety. Even though I can "logic" it away, the constant nagging at my brain makes me utterly obsess over details to the point where I can't do anything! For example, packing a suitcase is so difficult (not that I travel much at all) - I end up desperately trying to plan for every possible contingency and ending up forgetting the most basic things. I can't figure out to what extent it's the horrible anxious feeling driving me and to what extent I'm trying to compensate for my diminished brain function (which is very real). There are times when I'm paralyzed just trying to get dressed because I might choose the wrong clothes for the weather, or for the occasion, etc.

Really wish I could get some of my prior confidence back - I used to feel that I was very capable!

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Targs66- I can so relate to that feeling. In my "former" life I never used to second guess myself. Now practically every decision is overwhelming and it can be crippling and paralyzingly. Interestingly, I have never linked that to anxiety, but it certain is. Thank you for that insight!!! I'm sorry you have to feel that way too. Sometimes I look back only a year and hardly recognize who I am now- in all ways- physically, mentally, emotionally... I know I will get where I need to be one day and I think I need to be right in the middle of those two clashing versions of myself.

Jen

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I call it my "New Normal", and at least I'm relieved to have a diagnosis, I have accepted it, and am doing the best I can with God helping me every step of the way :) That doesn't mean that I am giving up on a cure; just doing more research, getting the best treatment, and one day maybe find the reason for it all!!

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I love your attitude Kimbellgirl. I strive for that... Maybe I just need more time. I am still not at "peace" with my new normal and haven't fully accepted it yet. I truly feel as if I am bouncing through the stages of grief... But eventually I will get to acceptance. Every day to do start my morning with the Serenity Prayer, which we all know, but even typing the words brings me comfort:

God, grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot Change

Courage to Change the things I Can...

And the Wisdom to know the Difference.

This prayer really helps me and I say it to myself several times a day as I get frustrated- and often will ask myself.. Can I change this or not? If I can't, let it go. If I can- get started. But many of you are so at peace and function with such purpose... Well.. Let's just say I have a LONG way to go! But those of you who have mentality have my admiration...

Jen

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Thanks Jen - sorry to hear that you also go through the awful second guessing of every minute decision. I feel like the anxiety produces so much "clutter" in my thinking process that I am paralyzed by indecision. I do think, though, that some of it is just that my confidence has bottomed out because I can't rely on my brain or body to cope anymore with even the simplest of demands. For example, if my hubby says "do you want to stop by so-and-so's tonight" I'm frozen - I start thinking "well, I didn't get enough rest; I'm going to regret saying yes...but I always say no and then miss out on things and regret it.... but when I say yes I go and feel awful.... maybe if I rest now I'll be okay... who am I kidding, I am going to feel wrecked..." and literally don't know what to say. So I can't quite figure out how much is just unfocused, irrational anxiety that's causing the problem, or whether it's a rational response to this new state of incapacitation!

Sorry to go on about it! It's good for me to hear what others are saying because hopefully it will help me learn to deal with all this!

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