Utterly Not Connected To Anything

[Guest letitbe]

deleted

[gdomaracki]

Your post brought tears to my eyes. My biggest fear right now is having to be this sick for the rest of my life. It seems so unfair and the uncertainy of everything seems too much at times. I too feel like Im not truly living, like Im on an unwanted break from life and every year passes and Im still stuck in the same unrelenting rut.

I have realized personally that I feel better especially mentally, having people in my life to talk to and to help lift my spirits when things get rough. We all need to have someone we can rely on and trust will be there for us. I actually started seeing a therapist last year, and while I was completely against it at first, it ended up being one of the best things I couls have done for myself. My therapist has done so much for me from giving me ideas and ways to deal with my emotions, to just simply being there to listen and a shoulder to cry on.

I really hope things start to get better for you and that you can find some support. No one should have to face this alone. Im praying for you!:-)

[Guest tearose]

Streaming you loads of support and hugs!!!

You seem to be in the potshole...I know this place. You WILL get out as soon as you are ready.

I find that detachment can be a good thing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

For example, If we really felt and kept awareness of all the traumas and disasters in the world, the earthquakes, wars, famine...we would not be able to function! There is a normal part of being human to focus on what ever it takes to survive and that is what you are doing.

The key is to focus on what got you to the place where you are now, where do you want to be and how do you plan on REASONABLY getting there?

To help myself move up and out of the potshole, I would write, rest, listen to music, make small attainable goals, call a friend, pray, meditate, do some little exercises or whatever I could manage. Take small manageable steps towards joy. You are here for a reason and that may have changed from your original goals but that is okay.

Try to above all else, be gentle with yourself. Life is unfolding and there is so much more before you that is good. Change your view, aim high and reach when ready!

with support and love,

a fellow traveler,

tearose

[potsgirl]

I'm sending you positive thoughts, strength, understanding, and a big hug.

Are you housebound? If you can get out, I'd recommend joining some kind of group where there would be people that were interested in some of the same things you are. A place where it doesn't matter if you can't make it when you're really feeling ill. Can you exercise? I have a treadmill at home, but try to get to the gym a couple of days a week - or at least once - to help lift my spirits and help me feel a little stronger. A lot of POTS specialists think the exercise helps our POTS symptoms...I also take Paxil, which helps with my anxiety/depression.

I've met some POTS people that are in my city (Tucson) and state. I've made a couple of really good friends from the "Meet New Members" feature on this site. I've also written posts where I ask people to let me know if they're in my area, and if they're interested in getting together to talk with others that can relate to what we're going through. I've also made friends on this site who live a long way away from me, but they've become good email friends. We talk on the phone, too.

I hope some of these suggestions might work for you. Don't give up. I would like to be a "friend" to you, and I'm sure others would feel the same way. Do you know how to PM (personal message) or to add "friends"? That's a good start.

Hoping you feel better soon!

Cheers,

Jana

[Stace915]

Sending positive thoughts and a hug your way. I KNOW how difficult it is to stay positive, and some days seem a lot more difficult than others but here's hoping that you find something that helps you cope and helps you to function better each day.

[Guest letitbe]

It's 5:55 est time ands cyber man JUST LET ME ON the site. It's hard cause I never know when I will be able to sign on.

I want to address the support here and remind the BIG ALWAYS REMEMBER that we have walked in similiar phys. shoes and often heart felt ones as well, but the things that got me to this spot, are huge.

I am also a POTS veteren and so I know more than I wished too as well as things i know will help but can not find my way easily.

How many people here know for sure they were born with it and recall symptoms as early as 6 or 7?

((blondie)) there are NO people. There will not be any people. There is not even someone to pick something up from the store if needed. And there will not be.

No one can close their eyes and imagine this kind of isolation from a people person. There are familiar faces but that can never replace people we know and have connection too.

((tearose) )Actually this kind of detachment is bad. Has affetced health in serious ways and even get frightened of it. Of course when anyone needs it, it is good for us. I was always known (when I had a home and life) of being someone who could be with me and be ok with that. Always needed my friends and community but alone time was fine. Not for a decade though.

the only part of this nightmare that I chose was to move where I am. The result of that was PTSD, worsening POTS, CFS, Sleep issues and depression. I FROZE in space & time. And for major reasons. No drama created. All real. I have no connection to 1 thing here. Not 1 thing so I mentioned that moving is a must and should have already occurred had it not been for illness and hurt.

((PotsGirl)) yes- I can get out and am mobile. just so often too exhausted to move.

I woke hyper as usual and now it is bad bad bad to not stay still for at least 2 hours but went all out to get some things done. Not heart life though. Chore life. I wonder how many truly know that there are many locations that one may never ever fit. No matter how they try. Home is where the heart is. heart was never here. i just hoped it would be. Ignorant and non-diverse part of the country which is not ok for me or how I lived or choose to live and have around me.

Choice.

I truly have been imoblie a year. Since the surgery and what I mentioned on Dani's thread the other nite about realization of sinus's etc. And the depression-OMG! I have literally cried at least once a day for many many years. I can stand up and cry.

Surgery was 2nd most serious a person can have and I did great but it kicked out of all else.

I was fitness 6 dats a wk since 1982 or so till 3 years ago maybe? Then the sleep turned mostly trauma dreams and the cfs got worse. Along with more bad people. I have yet to meet 1 authentic person I would wish to have around. My heart and spirit are too different.

I try everything I can. BUT I need to try daily practices that help us with POTS. They are listed. I read threads of people who tweaked in stores and I think, "did you sit after 10 minutes and every few after that?"

No

Neither do I remember. It can imprison us.

((stace915)) I have to move away. I have to begin to practice managing these illnesses. Without a support at all. Not easy but other choices are tragic.

I absolutey find NO COMFORT in what is here now, that is my non-life. No matter what Dr. Phil may say!

I was harmed by someone, others as well but born broken from the start, AND got BIG TIME sick twice since 1995. Big sicks!

You all do not have to read all this. Just try and remember some. I always had a reputation for trying but even the paid folk know that when you can barely stand, you can't try.

I do remember music now and I need earth more than most but got lost with those things as well.

I want to describe what I mean by "detached" because it's creative but I am exhausted. I just got in from Phys.Therapy. It's recent as I did not know I had broken my body from neck to elbow really bad this year.

Oh oops-forgot--no therapist in 3 years and he was a long lomg timer! (nuther story) I went to arrange for a new one and did a new intake 15 days ago and left them a neativeg message today. Mostly about HOW LOUD DO I HAVE TO YELL when everyone knows how bad it is. I am not talking about me me me here, they said the appt would be by now and I haven't even been assigned anyone yet.

So I said "I must ahve to LOOK dislabled, be in a chair, hear voices, see things, be Sybil or be in my carreer clothes having an affair" cause that is probably in chapt. 24!

I DO want my dreams while I am still above ground!

Made chile this morning!

Will look at all your threads when I can. Sleep time for a while now.

(providing cyber man lets me sign in. Only 2 out of 10 tries will it let me)