Pots Frustration - Has Anyone Felt Like This Before?

[iheartcats]

I've just felt extremely frustrated and angry about having POTS (on top of a few other things as many of us deal with).

I didn't mean to pick an argument with my loved ones, but it ended up that way. Then I was just so frustrated and upset I took a shower and just cried and cried...like I was an angsty teenager or something. I just felt so mad that I have a condition like this and there isn't a lot I can do to get rid of it. To the point of yelling at it to 'go away, just go away.'

I just never felt that strong about how much I dislike being ill, if that makes sick. And then having a good cry in the shower makes me feel like I'm 15 and can't control my emotions.

Of course today I'm getting over the 'flare' a shower plus crying caused. Thanks POTS. Sometimes I just feel so alone dealing with this and I can't believe I got that out of whack.

[Birdlady]

I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I feel like I'm completely out of my mind . My emotions are all over the place because I'm having this inner turmoil about even having this stupid "illness". My husband now knows that summer time is very very bad for me. It helps to have someone understand that the heat makes things 1000 times worse than in the cooler months.

I've told my husband that I just need time alone and I'll lay in bed just staring at the wall, swearing at myself..LOL I guess it does seem pretty childish (now that I think about it), but it's better than walking around miserable, picking fights. That's what I tend to do on bad days. I hate when I do it too.

[iheartcats]

Dana - I'm glad someone understands how I feel...I am annoyed with myself for acting like that (and I knew crying would be no good for POTS!) but I just couldn't hold it in any longer!

Maybe we reach a tipping point and just have to vent. You never learn how to deal with a chronic illness in life, do you? I guess we do as best we can, at least I try to tell myself that to feel a bit better.

[sue1234]

The part I hate about my POTS is it's so socially isolating. I think that's the part that gets me the most. Somehow the POTS has affected "whatever" that makes me, most of the time, socially "nervous". That has made me not be able to go to alot of family functions

[Birdlady]

Sue you are right this is very socially isolating. I guess I have a little bit of the anxiety, but for me with all my food allergies and exclusions, I become a "problem" friend. I can't eat any where, can't walk long distances, can't be out in the heat, can't be upright for hours on end etc. It's no wonder people don't call me up looking to go out for the day...

Ok I'll stop whining now !! HAHA

[peppermint patty]

Me too! Me too! I feel and behave exactly the same way. I guess I haven't come to terms with everything and I am kind of an emotional mess lately. I am or was a teacher and I know this fall I won't be going back into the classroom (I've been out of work since Jan.) My moods lately are like a roller coaster--she is happy ---she is mad--she is crying----very frustrating for my family. It is a ride I am sure they want to get off. Me too! I just wake up everyday and hope I'll be able to handle it better and tackle the day as it comes.

It is so nice to know I am not alone and that there are others out there feeling the same way. Your post came at a time when I really needed it. Thank you.

[firewatcher]

Mine all got to the point that I found a therapist who specializes in chronic illness. It helps to vent to someone other than family and have an outside source to "trouble-shoot" and help me cope and make game-plans.

[mvdula]

Oh, I can relate to everything you've said!!! I just kinda wonder if there will come a time when I can accept it and not be so angry about it anymore. I really just feel so angry that I have POTS and that it is so unfair. Fortunately, my husband has learned to be much more understanding, and my friends are very understanding about it. That helps, but it is still very depressing that I can't/don't/am nervous about certain activities w/ the kids, etc - it all depends on the heat, time of day and activity level whether I decide to participate or not. It makes me feel guilty and sad and angry when I can't join in (or take them somewhere)- but if I do too much, I know I will regret it later. Actually, I have found I have an emotional pattern during the day that corresponds to my symptoms generally: morning: good, happy, energetic---lunchtime: low energy, hopefully not a nasty spell, depressed and sad---dinnertime: better, ok as long as there was no major episode, and ready for a glass of wine. Weird, I know. You are not alone, as you can tell from the many responses. I just don't know how to get over the anger I have about POTS.

[lieze]

Okay well I feel a little on edge to say what I think here because we are all different and it is true that we are dealing with not only limitations-a whole change in our lifestyle, what we can do and eat etc etc and it is to the point where it affects our livelihoods so heck yeah who wouldn't be upset and have some anger and unpleasant emotions so a whole lot of this is just normal but..............................I also think that we are being affected in ways chemically in our bodies that we have no control over such as the social anxiety, panic attacks, and the depression. The needing to bust out crying is not necessarily normal and for me it caused me to question if I wasn't getting into some chemical imbalance. Also the abnormal thoughts that have started popping into my head are clearly a sign of depression.

I cannot preach about meds because even though I have something now to try I am still yet too fearful to pop a pill in my mouth. That is how out of control my anxiety is.

My heart rates are not that bad. Driving most of the time since I've worn my monitor it hangs out at 96. What sets me off is my anxiety. It's a feeling that I either can't breathe or that I"m totally going to lose my vision while driving. I get floaty headed and feel like things are coming at me too fast and feel like everything is moving around on me.

It's not necessarily consistent every time I drive. Other times I just start to get that feeling that everything in my chest is closing up on me and I even feel the spasms like sensations in my throat.

For me something seemed like it happened with my POTS to where those switches all got turned on to where I became overly conscious to an abnormal extent about my bodily functions. Things that I never worried about before. And lots of strange sensations came along with it.

For many of you I sense the problem goes much deeper than mine and perhaps I am not even recognizing what all is involved in my case but I do believe if I could turn off the anxiety and hyperawareness my ability to function would increase perhaps leaps and bounds.

As I say this I recognize each person here is in there own place of severity with their illness so in no way do I want to come across as it's just mind over matter or all in our heads.

I know that every person in this group is intelligent and doing everything they can in their situation to try to improve so in no way do I want to sound as if I'm not recognizing that or just being insulting with suggesting that this might work for others too.

I am only able to share what I am finding myself and I am no where near even at the best I've been since my POTS symptoms started right now. I tried to go alone to the gas station last night in the car and had to turn around because I started my anxiety and didn't want to send myself into a full blown episode.

I do think medication might help me though when I get my nerve up to take it.

I'll keep you posted as to whether I notice a difference in what I am able to do and with the way I feel.

[mountain girl]

Yes, yes and yes again! I can relate to almost everything you said, and to lots of others who responded. The crying seems to help me even though I do not like to get to that point, I usually feel better after I have cried. This web site has helped alot, just because pots is such a weird illness, it helps to have others who understand. I like what someone responded by saying the time of day determines her mood. Me too, morning usually good, then as the day goes on its downhill after lunchtime for sure. The other hard thing for me is the unpredictablility of it,never knowing what kind of day I'll be having, or if I will get better as time goes on. I think if we knew it was a time thing where after so long it would have run it's course and we would be better, it would be easier, but that's not how it always works. I did find it encouraging after seeing several doctors who said I would get no better, there was no cure, to find a dr who said I think we can get you better, meaning improve your quality of life. I think it is good for us to be realistic yet have hope. I tell myself it is easier to think positve thoughts and try to focus on what I can do rather than what I cannot do. Now, don't get me wrong, there are many times my husband has to remind me of that. It is normal for us to miss the life we used to have.Just know you are not crazy or being emotional, it seems to go with the illness, the roller coaster of emotions. Summer is hard for me too. Living in Virginia, we have had a very hot summer so far. 18 days over 90 degrees so far, 99 degrees today and several days 100! Fall has always been my favorite season and still is. As for whining or complaining, I think this is a good place to do it, and it actually feels like good therapy for me to try to encourage others. Hang in there!

[blueskies]

I spent a few hours in bed last Sunday crying and so depressed and over it. I just wanted to die. i think i go through Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's 5 stages of illness on a regular basis. very regular. LOL. Thank god that hope is one of those stages. It's what got me out of bed finally, last Sunday.

The company of other people who don't demand too much from me is great for me too. I've had a bit of that this week -- upon reflection it makes a big difference to my moods and how I cope with this illness.

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