Contemplating Life Change

[Elfie]

Hello everyone,

Sorry this is long, but I really need a place to talk about this and wanted to explain it fully.

I am 20 years old and a full-time college student. I currently go to school about 8 hours from home (a.k.a. where my parents live). I am recently diagnosed but have been dealing with POTs-symptoms and chronic pain for several years.

I recently have become unsatisfied with my program of study at my current school. When I first arrived the school had a strong program and since then they have been losing faculty and many of the empty positions have not been filled again. This has lead to fewer courses being offered. I am technically a senior and could graduate next semester with my degree, but was planning to stay one extra semester to pick up my second major and a minor. Coming to the end of my degree program I realize I have not been able to take many of the classes that I wanted to (just because they are no longer offered or offered only once every 2 or 3 years) and that when I graduate I will be walking out with a degree but will sorely be prepared to go to graduate school or get a job in my field. My school now offers no regular internship opportunities. My only chance to get additional experience would to be applied for a grant and attempt to write my own program. I am currently very disappointed in the professionalism (or lack thereof) of most of the professors in my department and my classes in general. I also have a scholarship (a very small one that amounts to about 1,000 dollars a year--- but pays the difference between my in-state and out-of-state tuition) but it requires me to take 15 credit hours a semester.

I have started looking into transferring to a college that is close to my hometown. It seems to have a much better program and many opportunities for internship and career development. I could get all three majors that I am interested in as well as other certificates and might walk out of school there with a job. They will accept 90 transfer credits and I am currently 11 credits over, but I would mind losing some of me P.E. credits and I have a few other credits that aren't really important to anything that I could afford to lose. However, this transfer would require me taking a couple more semesters of school.

I would also have to move back in with my family. My parents and my younger brother live about 35-40 minutes from the university (which is close for this area of the country). My brother is having teenage angst problems and is generally surly with everyone. My mother and I get along well (now that I am an adult, anyway). My father doesn't really know how to relate to me and doesn't know how to talk to me, so I find out most of his feelings secondhand. My brother and father don't truly understand my condition. Hopefully I could work on some of these relationships by being closer to home. But at the same time I am stressed about how possible conflicts could affect my health. I am also concerned about the living situation itself affecting my health. Our home is not exactly the cleanest and most POTS-friendly place. Two men and two dogs, plus they heat entirely with a fireplace and have a serious mold problem (which I think is currently still fairly-contained --- it can't be remediated until the spring). Also, the elevation is higher and I would have to deal with snow and ice and commuting or carpooling. I am also worried because I feel I might feel pressured to do more around the house becuase I would be the person that is home the most and because of family dynamics.

I would be closer to my doc (not a POTs specialist but my long-time physician with some knowledge of POTS and willing to learn). I would also have a support system. Where I currently live I have no family members around and only a handful of friends. I don't have any friends that drive that I could count on in a crisis or emergency situation. At home I would have family members and I have several friends in the area.

I have been struggling with symptoms, especially brain-fog, dizziness and fatigue since my diagnosis about 6 months ago. They are getting pretty severe and affecting my functioning -- especially since I am a college student. I haven't been able to do much to manage my symptoms because I have been struggling to keep my head about water because of issues with professors/my large course load. I also haven't been able to start one medication I was prescribed because of concerns about possible severe reactions to it and living alone without anyone to check on me while I am adjusting to/trialing it.

I am trying to decide about whether or not to attempt to transfer back home for spring semester, stay where I am, or take a semester off/an online class or two and try to get my health situation better under control by implementing medications and lifestyle changes. The new school would be a great opportunity but would extend my program. Living at home could be very positive or negative. If I take a semester off and my health doesn't improve, I just set myself back.

I have talked to my mother about it but really don't have anyone else to talk to because I don't have any support system or a proper adviser or mentor at school. I would really like to know what you all think about the situation because you all understand dysautonomia, dealing with family, and many of you went/are going to college.

I would really appreciate some advice.

[lissy]

How about just getting your own place near family, so you can feel comfortable taking meds and the college thing good for you to be sticking with it, I had to quit school and also many jobs due to this illness , so I'd say stick with it as long as you can.

good luck

Lissy

[Elfie]

That is a good suggestion. However, it is not an affordable area to live. There is no housing on campus that is suitable to someone who needs a specialized diet, and apartments start at about 900 dollars a month with out utilities for a pretty slummy place. Ha ha, that is probably why our house is pretty slummy too -- housing is too expensive for me to live by myself and most of my friends in the area are married or have kids or party.

[lissy]

ohh I see, well would you have privacy at your families home? And maybe if you did decide to move there you can set up the things you are capable of doing ahead of time and share as much information about your illness with them. I have been in a similar situation and I lived in my parents unfinished basement and they were not cleaners either, but I had to look at the positive side and got comfort just really being around people that have known me all my life and no matter how supportive they may not be you will still find comfort especially if you have to deal with the extreme symptoms we sometimes have to deal with.

Lissy

[fighting4health]

I say go with your instincts. Somehow following that feeling always makes sense later even if it doesn't make much sense now.

[JaneEyre9]

Hi Elfie -

I have a lot of empathy for you as I had the experience of having to transfer colleges and move back home. Only you can really make the best decision for yourself in the long run. That said, I strongly caution you to think twice before moving into a place with a serious mold problem. Certain kinds of mold can be neurotoxic and can make you very sick. Symptoms of mold exposure can also mimic POTS - such as fatigue, dizziness, etc. Has your family had air testing done? Could remediation be moved up and done before you go home? What may not affect your other healthy family members could seriously affect you on a long-term basis. Something important to think about before making any major decisions!

Kristen

[Rachel Cox]

Hi Elfie -

I have a lot of empathy for you as I had the experience of having to transfer colleges and move back home. Only you can really make the best decision for yourself in the long run. That said, I strongly caution you to think twice before moving into a place with a serious mold problem. Certain kinds of mold can be neurotoxic and can make you very sick. Symptoms of mold exposure can also mimic POTS - such as fatigue, dizziness, etc. Has your family had air testing done? Could remediation be moved up and done before you go home? What may not affect your other healthy family members could seriously affect you on a long-term basis. Something important to think about before making any major decisions!

Kristen

Hiya, just a thought that occured to me reading Kirsten's post. I don't know if it's useful or not...

oil of cloves is a great mold killer and can be sprayed on (without the fume prob) and wiped off next day. it's not a high energy kind of job to clean it off then. it kills the spores and is non toxic for people. great for areas you need to use (like your own room and the bathroom) more frequently.

i can only give my opinion about the home situation which is only worth 2 cents!

I think it is worth it for the short time you'll be gaining benefit for your future. When you get aggro from your brother, don't be judgemental, just give him sunny smiles back. Acting in the opposite to aggressive people can sure surprise them. I think it works most times. you'll be able to try the new drug and have a good doc and your mum really close. i don't know what to recommend about your dad, but in general i think it's worth trying something difficult for a short time to get long term gain.

let us know what you decide to do!

....no question in my mind you should leave your current course. don't let the turkeys get you down!!

[potsgirl]

Hi Elfie,

I see more benefits with the choice of moving back home. If you took a class or two, or one online, you could try out a med or two (always best to try just one at a time so you know which med has which side effects) with your family around. You'd be closer to your doctor, and it would be more cost-effective if you lived at home for a while. Most importantly, they have the majors you know you want to get degrees in. I would guess you'd be busy enough that you wouldn't be hanging around the house all the much. Did you say you'd have privacy? If so, then I vote on you making the move.

Cheers,

Jana

[rymac]

Elfie

If your mom is your closest ally tell her how you feel about moving home. Tell her what you want and need to be comfortable there. Then let her know how much it would mean to you to have her support.

Nothing wrong in asking for help when you really need it.

[Tachy Phlegming]

You might try going there for a week soon (maybe this week if you already have some days off) -- and first seeing whether you react to the heating (several hours or a day or two) and elevation. If you are ok from the heating and elevation, you can try a very small dose of the medication while you are there, taking a little more every time you take it until (and unless) you get a reaction. If you start getting sick when you are home, you can go back right away and know what to do long term. If you have a great week, implement the go-home plan.

If you are too concerned about killing this semester by doing a one week experiment, you might want to just bag the whole idea of moving home long term and try to convince a friend (or latest boyfriend) to stay with you through the medication experiment.

If you're very sick now, what going home and getting sicker will do to your career is far worse than a bad program. You may just want to try to supplement the program with anything you can find where you will be in an environment you can tolerate. Ultimately, you may want to look for people with similar medical problems (or a really nice boyfriend) with whom to live.

-------------

Nothing wrong in asking for help when you really need it.

I remember an exchange with the nicest member of my family (all of whom are known to be rather nice and who did everything they could to prepare for my return home when I was really sick). Tachy: "I need the air conditioning on right now. I will die without air conditioning now." Nicest (but freezing cold) family member: "If you're going to die, die already."

[nforste]

Hi Elfie,

I'm sorry you're feeling like this! It's always a tough decision to make - I decided about 12 months ago to stop work and pack up life where I was - from my parents place it was a full day travel (2hrs by plane, then another 2hrs by car) - and move back home to have a break from the 9-5 routine and study for 12 months (so I could change career into what I was more interested in.) For me personally, it was the best thing to do in terms of improving my health. Luckily, there is plenty of space here in terms of privacy and the climate is heaps better than where I was working and I like being in a more rural area. My family know about dysautonomia and if I mention that I don't think I'll be able to do something, they're ok and pretty understanding. My health has improved so much that they kind of forget it can still be an issue at times. My dad also doesn't really get it, but he understands there is something wrong and it's not just in my mind so I just don't look to him for active support. Either way, he's still there and it's nice to be around family a lot more of the time, even when they drive you bonkers. Studying online definitely has it's benefits, especially if you have a pretty decent group of friends in your hometown. lol, I did that fulltime this semester and that did send me a bit crazy and was way too much time in front of the computer. And careerwise, transferring sounds like it's the way to go - experience and internships are so valuable in terms of looking for work later on. Go with your instincts though, they're usually right. Maybe if your family is driving you too crazy, you could stay with a friend for a few days every so often?

[pat57]

Please excuse my ignorance, I have not been to college. But don't they have advisors there to help you

suceed- in general?

If so, I suggest you run this by them.

good luck

[Guest tearose]

If you must make a change anyway, going home for a trial run seems to be a "safe" first try. You must get quiet with yourself and "own" your answer and understand all the possible implications of your actions. I think the "trust your instincts" is also good advice.

with you in spirit,

tearose

[JennaC]

Elfie,

I'm 25 and a graduate student away from family, so I can definitely relate to some of your concerns. One thing that really saved my butt is the spiritual group I belong to. I don't know how I would cope without rides, people to cook for me and help with my dog. I'm terrible at asking for help, but have have found that sometimes even acquaintances from class are more than happy to lend a hand. Another thing that I've discovered is student disability services at my school. By registering with them I can get rides around campus, note takers, lecture recording services, etc...

My school is only 3 hours from my Mom, and I am very grateful she's not any farther away. I ran away from home at 15 and it's been a rocky relationship over the past 10 years, but in times of sickness family really is needed. The next right action usually is very apparent for me. I'm sure you will find the right path toward furthering your education and taking care of your health.

hugs,

Jenna