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Looking For Parents Of Toddlers So We Can Compare Notes.


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I was thinking it would be a good idea to get some parents of toddlers together on one thread so we can get a little support group going. If nothing else, at least we could add each other as friends so we have someone to message if we have coping questions or helpful suggestions.

I have a 2-year-old (almost 2.5) daughter. I wish more than anything I could be the active parent that she needs and it it is killing me that I can't. I want to put her in preschool to give her more of a creative outlet where she can wear herself out with some other kids. The problem now is that I can't afford it. My husband is active-duty Air Force and I do temp work as a Dental Hygienist. I don't have the energy to do it full time and my work takes me out of town, so I'd never get to see my daughter if so. I'll wait and see if there is an interest in getting this thread going and share more info if so.

Unfortunately, my DH isn't very motivated to do many activities with my daughter. While I hate the word lazy (because that's what I was considered for 10 years until I got my Dx), it's the impression I get from my DH. He doesn't seem to have any physical reason for not engaging my DD in a more active lifestyle. He does have ADD, but I don't know how much this influences his activity (because he doesn't tell me how he feels).

I know I did some rambling, sorry. Anyway, I'm just very down right now and don't see an end in sight soon.

Hope to meet some parents that have been there and have some useful info to share. Thanks for reading!

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When my boys were babies/toddlers I was a member of a local Mom's club. It was great to let the kids play and talk to other Moms. YOU don't have to do anything active with her as long as SHE does something active. There has to be some sort of Wive's club with your hubby's squadron, couldn't the Colonel's wife give you a couple names of women with kids the same age? There was also a huge play park near us, I'd sit on a bench and the kids would wear themselves out on the equipment. There are many women here who have raised kids while having POTS (myself included) and we won't lie to you: it is HARD! Good luck sweetie, they do get older!

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I know how you feel! my daughter is exactly that age.. almost 2 1/2! I feel VERY guilty sometimes that she is not getting enough interactions. But I try not to blame myself too much and do the best I can. Fortunately my husband is very helpful. He takes her to church when I can't and she gets to play there, they go to the park, etc and we try to make the weekly play gorup but it doesn't always happen... but trust me, I'm in the same boat. Just hang in there, you're doing a great job! We can only do what we are able to do.

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I also have a lot of guilt. I have 4 kids and 2 are toddlers I have one who turns 3 in October and a 1.5 year old. It's hard to keep up and keep them entertained and run off enough energy. I have 2 toddlers which I think helps because they play together. If the weather is nice I take them outside and pull up a lawn chair in the driveway and let them play. I'm a member of the local MOMS club. You should see if there is one in your area. It's a yahoo group and has been wonderful for me to get to know other moms. It's a great way to meet others with kids the same age and there is a calendar of events that comes out each month and you decide which ones you want to attend. The price is VERY reasonable. Here I only pay 24$ a year. Anyway ... I would be happy to chat some time and maybe share some ideas. I'm always looking for new ideas on how to keep up and maintain some sanity!!

Brye

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  • 3 weeks later...

I have an almost 5 year old boy. I felt/ feel terrible guilt. I've been sick almost 3 years of his little life.

My DH said to me you've GOT to stop feeling guilty,it's not your fault, you didn't ask for this. When he said that, I somehow felt a little better.

You have to just do the best you can, and let go of the guilt. I know you're sad. I was too, still am some days. But positive energy is needed to fight this.

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To all of you I just want to give you some encouragement. I got POTS during my first pregnancy. I was horribly sick and could not get help. I was sick for both of my children's entire early childhood.

I (with my M.Ed in education), had to let PBS "babysit" my children.

I want you to know that the love I gave them was enough. Now they are 9 and 11 and they are two of the kindest most well adjusted children I know. I know I am not done raising but so far so good. I worried for nothing.

I did better when they were is first grade and second grade. I am now in another full blown flare. It is funny to me that they don't even remember that I had been sick for all of those years when they were small.

It really is harder on moms esp with the "mommy guilt thing" then it is on children. When my youngest was almost 3 I had to go to NIH for a week. My mom kept my children and when I got home my older daughter was fine. My son ran away from me. IT STILL BOTHERS ME and he doesn't know he did that.

One thing that I think is important to think about is that our children still need to do as they are told and behave in the right way. Mom being sick cannot be an excuse for them. My children's teachers know that I am ill and my son's teacher was making exceptions for him. he had not done his homework and his teacher thought that was ok because of my illness. I had to tell him that unless I am in the hospital- expect school work to be done.

My children remember a very happy childhood. I didn't read to them as much as I should have (too tired), they watched too much TV and spent a lot of time at home. They think about the playdough, and how I would let them put on bathing suits and "swim" in my tub with toys.

I hope I helped somewhat. Just don't underestimate the love that you are showing your children. That is what they need most to grow up and have confidence! There is a saying that children spell love T.I.M.E- that is something even us POTSY can do.

Now they are in school all day and I take a nap before they get home so I can "be at my best" such as it is for them.- kari

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Thanks, Kari!

It's funny that I just got your post because DD is watching PBS right now. I have finally succumbed to the "t.v. babysitter." I did not let her watch t.v. before age 2 because I have read that research is showing that kids who do so are more at risk for ADHD and it runs in our family already. I still fought it after letting her watch t.v.--trying to limit it to an hour or two a day. But, more recently, I've been sick with a cold several times in a short period and now she has a cold. She has a few favorites that she asks to watch now. lol Most of the time, I'm happy we don't have cable so that she only gets to watch the PBS cartoons. There is so much junk out there!

Overall, things are getting a little better. She is getting past her (long, if you ask me) stage of not playing on her own. So, she has stopped having to climb all over me and yell/whine for mommy to come play with her and she'll actually play with a toy/craft for more than 3-4 minutes. It's like a huge sigh of relief!

I will be starting a new job on Tuesday and it will be full time. I am very excited and nervous at the same time. It is a change from my career field of dental hygiene. It's a sit-down job and I'm optimistic that it will be much less fatiguing. My biggest worry is how I'll get anything done around the house, but really, it probably won't be hard to get the same or more done that I am pitifully getting done while having to look after DD all day anyway. lol I am excited because now we might be able to afford to put DD in preschool and we are going to consider daycare as well. (Right now she stays with a SAHM who used to do in-home daycare.) She def needs more interaction with other kids and, more importantly, more activities than I do with her. Daycare was not a good option for her when she was younger, but as she approaches preschool age, I think it's a good idea now.

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Just wanted to pop in and state that kayjay's post could have be written by me- in fact, I wish I HAD written it- beautifully said! My children are now 11 and 9 now as well and I was acutely sick during all my children's early years. Kids really need very little outside interaction and you are probably doing a much better job than you realize. I can't tell you how many hours my young daughter and I spent curled up in bed watching Food Network together. Those times are priceless- really, even when you feel like crud it's the togetherness the kids will remember. That is a blessing in itself.

Carmen

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Thanks for all the recent posts from moms of older kids. They were very encouraging and I appreciate all of you taking the time to write them. Guilt is a hard thing to deal with it's nice to hear how resiliant kids are in the end. We all just need to keep doing the best we can I guess. I'm so thankful that I have 4 energetic, healthy kids! When I look at the big picture they are what keep me going!!

Thanks for the wise words!!

Brye

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Well, in my situation I did not become acutely symptomatic until six months after the birth of my second child. Prior to that, I was essentially healthy.

Carmen

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In my case having two became a help because they have each other to play with (and fight with)! I did think I was not going to live when my 2nd was born- My blood pressure just bottomed out- ( now I know why) anyway I knew then that I was done with two.

If I had been diagnosed, I would have better known how to take care of myself. Overall my second pregnancy was better then the first.

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My POTS symptoms developed after baby #4. Looking back there were warning signs with my other pregnancies but nothing I couldn't blame on just being pregnant. Now we're just doing what we can to keep up with them all. Baby #4 is lucky to be here because if I had known I would develop this we wouldn't have 4 babies. The perk though to having so many is they always have a playmate!! I also have 2 in school during the day which helps out a lot!!

Brye

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After reading back over my post, I worry that it may have come across as judgmental. I apologize if I offended anyone. I was merely giving credit to those who've managed to tough it out enough to have more that one child. Also, I also cannot imagine how hard it would be to come down with this after having multiple children.

I would love for my DD to have a playmate, but cannot imagine living through another newborn phase (which in our case lasted forever!) while taking care of a pre-schooler at the same time. In addition to that, my DD has food allergies and some oral sensory aversions that add extra challenges to parenting with POTS. So, I'm terrified of dealing with two food-allergic children--esp if they end up having different food allergies from each other. Meal planning alone wears me out!

Thanks again for the support and experiences, parents!

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After reading back over my post, I worry that it may have come across as judgmental. I apologize if I offended anyone. I was merely giving credit to those who've managed to tough it out enough to have more that one child. Also, I also cannot imagine how hard it would be to come down with this after having multiple children.

I would love for my DD to have a playmate, but cannot imagine living through another newborn phase (which in our case lasted forever!) while taking care of a pre-schooler at the same time. In addition to that, my DD has food allergies and some oral sensory aversions that add extra challenges to parenting with POTS. So, I'm terrified of dealing with two food-allergic children--esp if they end up having different food allergies from each other. Meal planning alone wears me out!

Thanks again for the support and experiences, parents!

We were completely unwilling to try again for the same reason! I've got one that's anaphylactic to milk, what if the next was allergic to soy or peanuts!

After looking through Amazon.com, I wonder if it is not just enhanced "mommy-guilt" and that all mothers have it? There are plenty of books on it and it seems like plenty of healthy Moms are agonizing over exactly the same issues as we are. Maybe in this, we are completely "normal" in our reactions! :blink:

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Not offended one bit! It would have been a really tough decision on whether or not to have more kids if I had known about my POTS syndrome. I'm blessed with 4 fairly "easy" children so far. (are any children really easy) Let me clarify ... no food allergies, no obvious health problems, fairly laid back, and GOOD SLEEPERS. (this last one is key) That has been my saving grace! I also have a husband with a stable job with good health insurance (thank goodness) who is willing to help out and not afraid to change a diaper or bathe a child. Otherwise I would probably be in need of a therapist to help me cope or a very good nanny!!

Brye

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This issue has been discussed before...POTS manifests differently for each of us it seems and some of us are more severely affected, some have more stable financial situations, etc. I developed severe POTS during pregnancy and continued post partum. Finally "recovered" about 8 months post partum. It was a really wrenching decision, but I decided I would not have another pregnancy. Sure I can keep up with two in my current health, but I would expect another pregnancy to cause my health to decline and maybe not bounce back the 2nd time...too many unknows. I also have to work...my husband is self-employed with a very variable income. But it is painful, especially on the many days that I feel great/almost normal.

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I feel like that's what happened to me. I made it through 3 pregnancies with only mild symptoms and with the 4th I just couldn't bounce back. Now I have a really hard time keeping up!! I'm remaining optomistic that it'll get easier as they grow older.

Brye

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  • 5 weeks later...

WOW what a good topic I was going through old posts and found this....I have had 5 babies and 2 live with me the other 3 are with ex-husband because I could not function at all. My illness started before the 1st was born but became progressive after each child but recovered fairly until the last. My girls are 31 months and 20 months and I just have to say ohhhhhhhh boy its hard everyday I can't imagine if I had to work full-time part-time or temp I barely am able to go to the grocery store! after being chronically ill pretty much everyday and I see my children are suffering I am seeking childcare a few times a week and reaching out to local church daycares because I physically can no longer do it, I also can't afford it but I am spreading the word about my condition and hopefully I will find a blessing...who can really afford $150-200 a week on childcare if you can't even work ??? and there is not special assistance for disabled parents that need daycare I guess they think if you can't work why would you need daycare, there is programs though for you mothers that do have a job or go to college call your local workone or employment agency.

Lissy

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In my case having two became a help because they have each other to play with (and fight with)!

Me too. I have two, a four year old and a two year old.

I credit them with providing me some really solid motivation for getting up!

I think it is probably easier with two because they can hang out together and laugh at the silly kid-funny-stuff that only kids get. Mine love me to start them on running races (I can just sit and call out ready, set GO!") and we do wacky races too. You know, racing like a frog, or an elephant, or a hippopotamus. They get really tuckered out and you can do it indoors (down hallways) or outside. Most of the time they dissolve in fits of giggles watching each other run in such bizarre ways. I alternate the winning criteria so the littlest can win too... they don't notice that I'm not running, after all, they're egocentric, they notice what THEY are doing!

We also engage in lots of verbal games. We make up lots of nonsense poems with rhyming words. I start it and they have to guess a word which finishes the line. This is fantastic pre-school stuff, gets them used to word families ahead of time.

they especially love it if the word has to rhyme with the ew/oo/u sound... invariably they guess POO and it cracks them up!

It is really hard to inject your voice with enthusiasm when you feel like this, but worth all the effort you can muster, I think the kids give you more of a break even if they've only had ten minutes of your focused attention. It's like pay ten to get twenty.

Other favourites are bath play (brilliant on a rainy day), making music with stuff they can find from the cupboards or the toy box. They love playing musical statues (FREEZE!), i just put on a kid songs CD and then hit the pause button. the suspense really gets them going and the only thing I have to move is my finger! Dress ups are a big favourite too. We choose a character from a story, or make one up. Our friends donate old bits and pieces to our dress up box (I think they are happy to have a gift suggestion that doesn't cost much). Grandparents love trawling second hand shops for costume jewellery, outlandish shoes and hats. I don't dress them but let them try to get things on themselves. Accessories make better dress ups for that reason!

For me, organisation is the only way any of this can happen. if your husband or a friend can help you to set up the night before you can get a couple of TV free hours of fun out of it. Then everyone can flop down next to you in front of the TV at the end. Thank goodness for TV, it is a godsend. Just thought I'd post these ideas in case they are useful to anyone!

Rach

PS. does anyone else here go stark raving bonkers when they hear cartoon voices?! I am SO OVER kids TV!

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Thanks, Rach, for the wonderful input!! Ava watches either PBS Kids or movies on DVD. The only voice that really gets on my nerves in Caillou on PBS kids. He has a real whiny voice and it makes me nuts. I find myself mocking him and praying it's over soon. lol

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